Have you ever had the experience of someone just not clicking with you and you don’t understand why there is so much resistance? You are nice, friendly and courteous. Everyone else likes you and you hardly have any enemies.
So, what is this person’s issue?
There is a dynamic that occurs outside of our own realm of perception. In our head we “think” we are behaving a certain way or saying things that would build a positive relationship. However, in the backdoor of human experience, we have programs running.
These programs are designed to protect us, process what we think others may be judging about us, put us on the defensive, and create walls as barriers from potential pain and hurt.
Most of the time we are not aware and conscious of this activity going on within us and become blindsided or surprised when someone responds to us differently than we would like or expect.
There are ways to determine if you have these programs actively running and causing havoc in your relationships and communication. Once you put to practice the tips given in this article, you may see significant improvement in your personal and business relationships.
Ask yourself the following questions:
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How do I engage every day? (what do I “think” people judge about me or believe about me)
It can be surprising to get the raw truth from those who know you. If you have never asked your friends, family and co-workers you trust to share how they view you, with total honesty, now is a good time. It is not an exercise to gain accolades or criticism, it is strictly to get a bird’s eye view of the reality of how you are perceived from outside of your own thinking. Be sure to ask them to be brutally honest and you promise not to deck them!
Once you have the information, you can then use it to explore self-improvement strategies for the purpose of enhancing your communication and gain a better understanding of yourself.
Remember, high achievers see criticism as constructive and opportunity to excel for the purpose of creating a stronger presence for positive influence.
Am I pro-active listening, getting out of my own way?
You can listen to others as a participator or as an observer. There is a distinct difference in how you respond to what is being said by others.
Communication is about give and take, opportunities to teach and share, even the ability to guide a person in a new direction without being controlling and manipulating.
As a participator, you may have your guard up, the ego engages and you may miss important cues in your conversations. The mental mind takes over, creating false truths and erroneous scenarios that entices your ego to stand tall and take guard.
As an observer, your innate intuitive antennae engages and you can acutely recognize where there is the potential for conflict or a false sense of security in the conversation. To observe is to notice and perceive.
By shifting your interaction with others into observer mode, you allow yourself to expand your perception of what is really going on. You discover if you are being empathic, if you are demonstrating any indication that you care about what the other people are saying and if you are hearing what is not spoken between the lines.
Note: Everyone wants to have a sense of being heard and understood. We tell on ourselves all the time, the key is to have the skills to pick up on it in others. High achievers focus on developing positive persuasion skills for the benefit of all involved.
What would be one thing that I could improve upon for a better connection with others?
Self-improvement is a lifelong endeavor. The motto: “Good, Better, Best, never let it rest, until your Good is Better and your Better is Best,” keeps you getting better with no end in sight.
Choosing one thing to improve upon that can enhance who you currently are, will help empower you to be on purpose when you are communicating. Others will respect you and want to be around you in order to get more of the good feeling they have gained. [/message][su_spacer]
When you can align yourself as a high achiever who has a consistent positive attitude, know that there is room for improvement and strive to recognize traits that could be hazardous to relationships; you will transform your personal and professional life.
When you take the information gathered from asking others how they think about you and take the time to understand why they have shared this with you, you can implement a plan to shift yourself into high gear.
Once a month or every three months, dedicate time and energy into self-improvement not only for the sake of better communication but for your own growth and transformation.
It is not always easy to hear the truth from others; however, it is proven that when we don’t take it personally and take stock in what has been revealed, a whole new world can open up. The door of opportunity creates a new pathway that can lead to bigger and better experiences. Stay tuned for future articles that will explain in detail ways to facilitate active listening, the observer techniques and concrete steps for healthy communication.