In the midst of knowing, realizing, and fully comprehending that you are “filled with your own flaws,” do you ever wonder if your “Enough” is really enough? Is “Your All” enough to do this life-thing successfully and with some fulfillment along the way?
When your “Enough” is really translated into “Your All,” what do you do with the nagging questions and uncertainties that lurk around in your thoughts and feelings? You know, the ones asking, “Are you really enough for all of these life challenges?” So often, that question is all wrapped up with the messy dynamics of other people – their words and behaviors.
When these kinds of questions lurk in the darkness of three o’clock in the morning, do you secretly open that dangerous door of inner-questioning? Most often, the sounds behind that door go like this:
• “Are you really enough for all of this life stuff?”
• “Do you have what it takes to deal with this situation?”
• “Do you even want to deal with this mess (caused by someone else)?”
• “Is anyone else as exhausted and fed-up with this kind of stuff as you are?”
(Yes, I’ve peaked into that dangerous door at three o’clock in the morning!)
In Spite of All You Know and Believe
Yes, indeed, in spite of all you know and believe about yourself and your God-given abilities to overcome, endure, persevere, and bring real solutions to life’s challenges: it is true that you still have three o’clock in the morning experiences with doubtful self-questionings and interrogations.
So, what areas of your life do the self-interrogations most often occur?
• Is it in your abilities to manage for-real life challenges?
• Or, is it in your capacity to endure and persevere through serious adulting scenarios?
• Do most of the challenging scenarios involve the relationships that mean the most to you?
• Even more, do the challenging scenarios involve issues of going around the same ole mountain again and again because someone keeps doing the same ole bad behavior that is affecting you?
(Yes, I know. Me, too.)
There is This Truth
Even so, and in spite of all you know and believe, there is THIS:
• The truth is that you cannot control another person – their thoughts, their words, their behaviors, or their choices.
• The truth is that you cannot make another person like you, love you, ride the train peacefully through life with you, or show you any manner of expected care and affection.
• The truth is that you cannot force someone to do things the way you prefer things to be done. This is true even if you really need the other person to take care of a few things in the way that would make you feel more secure, more comfortable, or more “anything!”
• The truth is that you cannot successfully manipulate anyone into doing or being all that you want, need, or desire – even if you “see it” in their potential abilities.
In spite of all you know and believe, the only person you can control, make to do something, force, or even manipulate is yourself!
Here is one more truth: Among each of these action words, you cannot succeed in controlling, making, forcing, or manipulating yourself for very long, or in a very effective manner. The reasons are complicated, so this truth simply falls into that category of “Is.” It just “is what it is!”
(Yes, I’ve lived it out and discovered it to be true.)
The Truth from the Soul-Kind-of-Place
In spite of all you know and believe: The real, life-changing, authentic change (that brings true fulfillment) primarily comes from deep within you.
True fulfillment comes when the deepest places of our thoughts and feelings are so fully impacted, influenced, and stirred that we are stopped in our tracks (thoughts, feelings, and actions).
This is because it is in these deepest places of our thoughts and feelings – the soul-kind-of-place – that life-changing decisions are made.
Amazingly, no one else has the power to make these kinds of decisions for you. As a result, the follow-up to these kinds of decisions is generally action.
Ditto: No one has the power to take the kind of action you need for true life fulfillment.
Boom: Circle of Life stuff right here.
And, guess what? It is you, and you alone, who is responsible for the soul-kind-of-place U-Turns, Sharp Curves, and Right or Left Turns in life.
This is primarily because “despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves!”
Therefore, if you want anything to change toward achieving true fulfillment in your life, then here is the deal: you will need to focus on yourself, your decisions, and your actions. Herein lies the beautiful outcomes from the soul-kind-of-place.
(Yes, I’ve had to re-focus a bunch of times in my lifetime!)
Asking for Something Others Cannot Give
Life-Truth Flash: When you are looking outside of yourself (separate and apart from you and your God) and into the capabilities of someone else, take note of the red flag waving. Consider being cautious about expecting or asking others to meet a deep-seated need, desire, and longing within your heart.
Right here, in this very scenario, you are setting yourself up for the self-doubts associated with “Your Enough.” Right here, we are back to the self-doubting questions associated with, “Am I really enough for all of this life stuff?”
So if the inner-questionings are spurred, in part, by opening that door of expecting someone else to contribute to your life fulfillment, what if you dealt with your expectations? Are you asking something from someone else that he or she cannot give?
Consider these truths:
• Your expectations of someone else never equals them being able to deliver. More often, your expectations are a set-up for disappointment leading to disagreement. What can you do different to meet your own needs?
• Your way of doing something is not necessarily the only way or the right way of accomplishing the goal. More often, expecting others to do things your way is a set-up for disappointment leading to disagreement. What can you do different in communicating your needs or helping others reach mutual goals that impact you?
• Your viewpoint about the beautiful potential in someone else does not equal their performance at that beautiful level of behavior. More often, your overshadowing of the truth of someone’s performance with the potential you see in them is a set-up for disappointment leading to disagreement. What can you do better in accepting “what is” just for today?
(Yes, I’ve worn rose-colored glasses way too much regarding the potential I see in others!)
Re-Assessing Your “Enough”
Could it be that you are very much “Enough” for each and every one of the life scenarios and challenges that you face right now? Consider these real-life scenarios:
1. If your expectations of someone else are out of focus with what you can do different to meet your own needs:
• Is it really your abilities to manage for-real life challenges that is in question?
Or, is it simply a matter of refocusing and making different choices for your own desired outcomes?
2. If you are expecting others to do things the way you would do them (as compared to what you can do different in communicating and helping to reach mutual goals):
• Is it really a question of your capacity to endure and persevere through serious adulting scenarios?
Or, is it simply a matter of refocusing and making different choices for your own desired outcomes?
3. If you are viewing others through the lens of their potential instead of their actual current behavior:
• Is it really a question of you being forced to go around the same ole mountain again and again because someone keeps doing the same ole bad behavior that is affecting you?
Or, is it simply a matter of refocusing and making different choices for your own desired outcomes?
(Yes, I’ve re-focused more times than I can count – in a day!)
A Renewed View of You
Could it possibly be that “Your All” is, in fact, enough to do this life-thing successfully and with some fulfillment along the way?
When you ask the right questions of yourself and adjust your perspective in the matter, so many dynamics come into a very different view – for you.
Truly, the common denominator in this renewed view is YOU. Do you see it?
It is YOU who has all of the core soul-kind-of-place power. That power is fully wrapped up in YOUR decisions.
It might come down to an attitude, but that my friend is a decision. When you adjust your attitude, you can make a decision over and over to move forward and upward from there. This is because your “All” is more than enough for ALL you are called to go and to do and to be.
Oh, and here is the for-real truth about going and doing and being: Others will meet you in your fulfillment destinations as deeply as they’ve met themselves.
Oh, what glorious meeting places those will be!
(Yes, I’ve experienced this glorious meeting place – more than once. The re-focusing is so worth it!)
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