Would You Like To Connect More Deeply?

Have you ever stopped and wondered why life is happening so fast and appears to be getting faster?

Technology is developing at an exponential rate, yet we are developing linearly.  Everything we do these days has to be done quicker, be it, reading, talking, eating, drinking, and much more.  We are also paying less and less attention to who we are with, we are on autopilot, just reacting.

At another level, we will know that we are more than just what we do, we are beings, with thoughts, feelings, and emotions.  We know how important these are to our wellbeing, yet we readily neglect, drop or suppress them to stop them from arising.

Because we just react and because everything is happening so fast, we miss being truly present with the connection that is right in front of us.

The problem is we are wired to connect.  Even though we know that something is missing from our lives, we are unable to articulate exactly what is missing.  When we don’t have that connection, we think the answer lies in overdosing on drugs, alcohol, food, work, etc.  The trouble is that the effect is only temporary, it wears off and the feeling returns that something is still missing.  And so the cycle continues. Because we just react and because everything is happening so fast, we miss being truly present with the connection that is right in front of us.  That person may be a colleague, a client, or more importantly a loved one.

How often do we miss all the information our senses are presenting to us at this moment, and this moment, and this moment?  Whilst we have the opportunity with technology to connect and be with so many people, we miss the opportunity to see, hear, value and appreciate them. You cannot multitask attention, so when you do the following exercise, make sure nothing will interrupt you.

Exercise

This is one of the most compassionate ways of connecting that I know.

This ten-minute exercise can be done with anyone, although much better with a loved one.

  • Face each other and look at the other in silence for about a minute or longer.  Maintain eye contact throughout, become aware of your breath as you look at them, and allow any thoughts to arise and to pass.
  • When one of you is ready, share something that is important to you (there is no restriction on what you may share).
  • They will have the opportunity to talk uninterrupted for three minutes.  If they stop talking before the three minutes are up, allow them to sit in the silence.  You will be surprised how often they will talk some more.  If they really think they have finished, gently say, “What else?”.
  • The non-speaker says nothing throughout, but will give the other their undivided attention and really listen.  Maintain eye contact (even when the speaker looks away so that when they return to you they will find you still looking at them), no interrupting, and avoid thinking about what you may say when it is your turn.
  • When the three minutes are up, swap around.
  • In the final minute, look at the other, take a deep breath in and breath out, then each of you shares one thing you appreciate about the other.

Let me know how the exercise goes for you.

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Colin D. Smithhttps://dexteritysolutions.co.uk/
COLIN is ‘The Listener’, a listening skills specialist and the ‘go-to’ person for individuals and teams who want to be heard, think for themselves, and transform their business and personal relationships through active listening. Colin has that innate ability to actively listen to people. He works with management, project and creative teams, facilitating the development and improvement of their listening and thinking skills. Thereby equipping them to more effectively meet their business, relationship and service challenges. He also works privately with individuals, enabling them to feel heard and valued, to think more clearly for themselves, articulate their creative ideas, address their personal concerns, and achieve their personal and professional goals. Colin has had a varied and successful career in consultancy, business development, IT and customer support, across many sectors, including finance, motor, retail and the NHS. In looking back he realises that much of his success was due to his listening and connecting abilities. His inquisitive and curious mind also enables him to explore, with others, unusual, thought-provoking, yet grounded, observations and alternative approaches to business, people, systems, and change. To make things happen, and to take ideas and thinking further, he connects his Clients with his trusted network of entrepreneurs, consultants, thought leaders, free thinkers, coaches and change makers.
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