Why Are Some Friends Like Magnets?

Here was the goal of our collaboration: Sketch Your Next Writing, Consistently And Seamlessly! Should you be interested in what may explain your lack of self-discipline, the following piece might be a good fit for you:

I owe the progress I made during the last 3 months to my friend, whether when it comes to the number of my works or their quality, thanks to his phenomenal skills to make me accountable. But, this is not what I wanted to talk about!

Yesterday, we were supposed to have a quick call so that he could explain to me some technical issues I was facing with a new platform. I was watching “The Last Samurai” movie while having lunch. When he asked me whether everything was alright, I told him I was crying all my warm tears, and he carefully listened without interrupting me. It took me 10 minutes, at least, to reach the main scene that overwhelmed me and made me cry hysterically again:

When the chief of the Samurai had to choose between 1. his mission if he escapes from his enemy and 2. his injured son who would probably slow them down and cause their deaths.

My friend knows some personal details and how much I care about the relationship between parents and their kids, which could make such a scene even more meaningful and moving. He didn’t say a word while I was speaking and crying loudly. When I finished my crisis, he validated my feelings. He said how beautiful my passion was. He let me know he didn’t see the movie, which was an unpleasant surprise, given I provided him with spoilers. I was apologizing for my silliness since I didn’t ask him whether he watched the film before starting talking about it. I promised the acting was so good that, even if he knew the events because of me, it was still worth it to notice the body language and the emotions.

I do not doubt it! I was not even tempted to watch the movie, but after listening to your storytelling, I will, for sure, block some time for it! I am always amazed by your ability to reach the depths and see the meaning which most people fail to discover!

Our heartfelt discussion continued for more than an hour. I expressed how nurturing it was for my soul to be able to express myself without being anxious about getting interrupted, how much his active listening provides me with the psychological air anyone of us needs. I also reported how draining some selfish people who not only interrupt you to talk about themselves but also forget to ask you for finishing your sharing afterward could be.

We talked about the difference between diplomacy and emotional intelligence. While the former is fueled by the need to either fit in or manipulate, the latter is driven by the principles and desire to inspire or empower. We also had such a great time exploring the general tendency to confuse being fragile with being vulnerable. The fact that he knows the two versions of me made the comparison even smoother. When I used to be fragile, I was never able to open up, talk, and cry so comfortably the way I do now.

As counterintuitive as it may sound, vulnerability comes from a place of high internal security and strength of character. Only people who understand, value, and honor your vulnerability deserve your unconditional investment.

Final thoughts

You are anything but selfish whenever you decide to give up on a toxic relationship. You will continue to love your friends with all your heart and wish them well.

I know how hard it is to separate between all the affection you have for someone and the relationship, especially when they are intrinsically good people. You are not alone. The difficulty comes from many limiting beliefs around relationships that you will need to address and work on:

  • Human beings are complex, and you need to sacrifice a part of who you are if you want to make a relationship work.
  • Unconditional love makes you accept all the other party’s flaws even when they don’t know the basics of building a healthy relationship — sometimes abuse you and make you miserable!
  • You are not a good person if you decide to give up on a long-term relationship while everything seems “perfect” from the outside. What would others think of you?

You need to understand that toxic relationships impact your emotional health and holistic balance, given your physical health drastically depends on the emotional and mental ones, according to epigenetics science. Even if they are good people, the hard truth you need to accept is that they are not good for you, exactly like you may not be good for them.

The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.



Myriam Ben Salem
Myriam Ben Salem
I am deeply passionate about everything life has to offer. Writing has been my very favorite means to educate my audience, captivate their attention, talk to their emotions, and make them relate and take action. I have been honored by working as a columnist for BIZCATALYST 360°, an Award-Winning life, culture, and biz new media digest, serving as the global hub for enhanced performance and well-being, during 2020. Also, I am a contributing author in Mayhem to Miracles: True Stories of Courage, Triumph, and Peace. I am so in love with writing that I have a peaceful smile drawn on my face whenever I start visualizing the books I will be writing for whoever will be tempted to discover an inclusive philosophy breaking with all the stigmas! I was born in Tunisia, a small country in North Africa. I did pretty much everything earlier than the average: walking, talking, singing, dancing. Promoted throughout my entire education, I was also the leader of every end-of-year party. At some point, after working several years for multinational companies as an engineer, team leader, project coordinator, and product owner while always being a top performer, I figured out I was feeling miserable despite the 'perfect external image'. That marked the starting point of an existential crisis followed by an episode that triggered my re-birth and the beginning of the most rewarding adventure of my whole existence: re-writing my subconscious program and reconnecting with my true self. I was saved at the last moment through an out-of-body experience making me see all the lies, realize this gigantic Universe was not revolving around me. Most importantly, I was able to visualize I was here to leave a legacy like all of you, no matter how big or small! The butterfly took time to emerge though. Today, I identify myself as a Universal Citizen. Like-minded and light-hearted people are what I call home. I am deeply passionate about everything life has to offer, and was granted the edutainer qualifier: a combination between education and entertainment! I educate on the importance of healing unsuspected traumas, seeing our limiting beliefs and biases with honest lenses, finding one's purpose and a principled mission that goes beyond the self, and unleashing the hidden potential so that to leave our legacy for the generations unborn. I have been using a panoply of means that could vary from explicit ones such as mentorship, speaking, and writing, a skill that emerged naturally during my self-actualization process to implicit mediums like storytelling, how I daily show up in the world and model servant leadership! Writing is my very favorite and most preferred tool deployed for my mission. The topics I explore are in the nexus of stoic philosophy, psychology, neuroplasticity, epigenetics, and pretty much any topic involving human behavior. Common denominator? The quality of the subconscious program. You may have a look at some of my works published on my website; Set Yourself Free.

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  1. Thanks, Myriam.
    Here’s an idea: There is a leftover part of our brain that is constantly on the alert for threat. In the absence of large predators and such, it needs something to do, as it’s been on high alert for a long, long time. Danger rises with proximity, right? A storm on the horizon doesn’t trigger the same response as one overhead. So maybe there’s a short-circuit that misidentifies proximity (including emotional proximity) as threat. I work with addicts, and a theme which runs through their experience is protecting themselves, first from their feelings and eventually from everything. And they accomplish this by chemical control.
    Fear and control are the twins of dysfunction.

    • How fantastically articulated, dear Mac!!! I’m in love with this adding!!! I couldn’t agree more, obviously!!! Fear is the worst enemy of all, and a f*cked up subconscious program is this way specifically because it is ruled by fear… Thank you si much for stopping by, my friend, and for adding so much value! I’m grateful!