Why are we so reluctant to say “thank you” to someone else for their work, especially work that we paid for? Is it possible that paying for something seems to be enough, so thanks are neither needed nor wanted?
I work with a wide variety of professionals, and a common thread is emerging that bothers me. I’m hearing stories about clients’ apparent lack of appreciation at the outcomes some pros have worked so hard to produce.
This usually applies to those who provide a service, not a tangible item. We don’t sell shoes or homes or appliances; we sell an ability that gives our clients the results they asked for.
For me, it’s easy enough: Copyediting, by its very nature, is visible. My clients all know exactly what I did because they get the marked-up copy and the final usable copy of whatever they sent me.
It can be far harder for other professionals, though, who can’t show the exact work they did to produce the results. This type of work is almost completely invisible, a little like what went on behind the curtain at Oz … but with no trickery. We don’t have a genie in a bottle or behind a curtain that can produce miracles with a snap of its finger or the push of a button.
Success in these cases relies on an expert’s experience, connections, and knowledge, and the ability to pull all those things together for a desired outcome.
Sometimes it takes multiple phone calls to persuade our connections to help, or to even find the right connection for a special job. Many emails, texts, entreaties. Conference calls. Skype and/or Zoom meetings. More than a few sleepless nights. We may feel like a ringmaster, with different people and activities swirling around, cracking the whip to make sure that everything comes together as we envisioned it.
Even more important, as our client envisioned it.
And yes. We know we’re getting paid to create a specific result, no matter how difficult it may be. And no. We don’t expect balloons or flowers or planes flying overhead trailing banners exclaiming how magnificent we are. (Although …)
But trust me: It’s fine – better than fine – to hear someone say thanks occasionally. It’s a simple thing that usually spurs us to be even better, even faster, even … whatever. Money is certainly an important measure of value, but we humans also really appreciate being appreciated.
Where does this all come from? From a story I heard recently, and from Maya Angelou’s words, which have guided me for years:
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.
At the end of the day, how do you want others to feel about you, no matter the relationship?
I am so happy that you decided to run this article out again, Susan, because I didn’t see it back in ’19. So thank you.
Poul’s comment made me think of all the pictures I see on the bulletin board whenever a kid has been to the doctor or the orthodontist. Some places has bulletin boards with thank you notes posted. Whether all these pictures and cards are real or not, they set the tone for the clients visiting the place of service: “Wow, this place/provider is so great that people send thank you letters. Good thing I found them.” I have some cards behind me on Zoom calls. And what do you know – sometimes I get a thank you card.
Johnny’s comment made me want to applaud, because the idea that building up a balance of many small positive recognition to create credibility for also giving constructive criticism was something I had to learn the hard way. Some people trust you want their best from day 1, but not all, and for them building trust first is important.
Charlotte, it was a way for me to express something that’s been happening with a client … without naming the client. I feel perfectly safe writing that little bit of info right here, but I wouldn’t do it over on LI.
I know from experience on both sides that appreciating others is huge, even if we “pooh pooh” it when it happens for us. We still fully appreciate the feelings behind the compliment / thanks / whatever.
Thanks for your wonderful comment! 😊
In my 18 years as a college admission strategist, and having hundreds of families hire me to give them the results they wanted, only ONE client called me to express his appreciation for what I achieved for his son. I suspect my clients consider the big check they gave me to be enough. It’s a crude way to say “thank you.”
Ain’t that the truth, Paul! It does seem to happen often when we’re paid to do a job; I agree that many clients think the money is sufficient. But there’s never any harm in adding “thanks so much” or something similar; it costs nothing extra but can add tons of appreciation and maybe an even stronger effort next time on our part.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, Paul! Great to see you here!
I would imagine that a major reason people “forget” to say thank you, is because they are too absorbed in what they are doing. It’s important to be cognizant of what others are doing for you and acknowledge it. Otherwise, I fear it’s too easy to slip into a one-sided (self-centered) view of life.
I learned a long time ago that saying “thank you” is one of the best and easiest ways to help others feel good, John! And thank you for always finding my posts and commenting on them!
As a Divisional Director in the corporate world I learned early that incentivizing people based on individual rewards was key to producing successful results within an organization. Some were seeking financial rewards, others family time, etc., but the one thing that all welcomed was verbal praise for a job well done especially if it was done in public or a setting of their peers. The other thing that was key was that it cost nothing to do and also seem to open doors to constructive criticism should a challenge arise down the road or within a team. Great article. You hit the nail on the head and I really enjoyed reading how you reinforced something that should be a natural action but one far to many people in leadership fail to employ.
Wow, @Johnny Johnston, and thanks! One thing you mentioned here in your comment is also really important: knowing what others value most in terms of rewards. Some like public praise (I do); some prefer it to be quiet and more personal. And sure. Some value $$. A really smart and nice manager figures those things out.
Thanks so much for your comment!