Presumably, you have many friends. Presumably, they are good people who would never intentionally lead you astray or take you down paths that are clearly dangerous. You undoubtedly are loyal to your friends and strive to be there for them whenever they need you. Just as they would never do anything intentionally to hurt you so would the same value be ascribed to you in that you would never knowingly lead them down a path that would be counterproductive to them living a long and rewarding life.
Under the above nearly perfect scenario all parties involved in this relationship are committed to providing positive reinforcement to one another. When one member of the “group” goes even slightly astray the others are there to gently guide him back on the right track. They never “force feed” their beliefs “down his throat” but reassure the offending friend they are there for him but he crossed over a line he should not have. It is also their job to make sure they enlist the help of a mental health professional should it be noticed that their friend is in need. Taking the drastic and harsh step of turning their friend over to law enforcement officials is still an act of friendship although there is only a remote chance this action will be thought of in this vein.
Friends often but unknowingly act as a springboard to catapult you into your future career. They help you form your schools of thought that may put you on a direct course to a leadership role in life. Good leaders often rise from alliances with good solid valued friends in addition to that one special teacher who sees something special in you and devotes extra time and energy to you as they are your believers. The same holds true of your beloved parents who would give (they almost always do) you all that they own or all that they know for you. For the saddest day is the day you leave home for good.
If however, you have fallen into the clutches of a less than stellar group it is to your benefit to find your way out of these associations. Before that can happen you have to ensure both your eyes and ears are openly attuned as to what actions or activities your entourage is involved in that may inevitably (unintentionally or purposely) cause harm to you or others they come into contact with. Many a life has been ruined by being a part of a “clique” be they adults, teens, pre-teens, etc. by way of your alliance something tragic has happened. Are a few moments of seemingly harmless fun that went horribly wrong worth the stain it will put on your life?
A boss conversely can never be a friend. He may in times of personal distress try to console you or offer another type of comfort such as an engaging chat to let you know you are not alone. The fine line that must be drawn stops there. A time may come whereby your boss has decided or is forced to fire you. If &/or when this event should occur you will feel betrayed. Your boss may feel some remorse at the beginning but in order to keep the reins of leadership he must recover quickly and move on.
There are some exceptional bosses out there whose sense of loyalty to the company they work for is never totally obliterated by their humanity. The bond between the two of you is that strong to the point a change should occur your friendship can withstand the challenge. At all times you both maintain your bond to the company you are working for but continue to experience come what may with that special feeling you have for each other. The experiences that brought the two of you to together are such that neither of you will ever forget.
How does or where does one categorize the relationships that evolved from your visibility on various social media vehicles? You and another person have found something that has drawn you to each other. This is true as well for a group you may have joined. Seldom have there been any in-person interaction amongst any of you yet a bond has formed. Are these people actual friends especially if you have never conversed live relying instead on text messages or similar modes of communication or are they simply “online acquaintances?”
It is no great secret that interpersonal communication as we knew it has changed (in some ways this has been a fantastic voyage into worlds yet known while in other ways contributed to the inability to relate to each other on a person to person basis during a live encounter) forever. Couples have actually dated online prior to meeting in person. Not unheard of is that these two eventually marry. With video chat sites, new and exciting people can come into our lives from all over the world. Places in some cases we never knew existed. Do we accept these people as being part of the greater one or do we keep a healthy distance for sake of safety?
We who have pets feel they are so dear to us (that is how I feel about my cat juice who at times appears to have greater understanding of how to act than her human counterparts) by virtue of the no strings attached love they give that takes on a whole different perspective on the emotion known as love. I have written on a number of occasions how our pets want us to just meet their basic needs while showering them with affection. The looks they give coupled with the sounds that originate from deep within the vocal chords in their throats tell you how they feel. Their friendship cannot be bought. They help pull you through life’s travails by magically easing your stress.
There is no getting around the fact that man needs friends. He (man) needs to know there are people (or pets) that he can count on to be there. When you have friends (the right friends as defined above) you have riches that are worth far beyond any numerical value you can place upon them. Your spouse who is your life partner is probably the most treasured friend who will ever come into your life. He or she reads and has read the book that is you.
You are my friend. I am your friend. Together we have traveled many miles sometimes without leaving home. It matters not from whence you came or where you have been. What we have is special beyond what anything can compare. I hope we be with each other until the end of our days. If not let me now tell you how much I loved you and how much better my life was having you in it.
For me, Joel, friends are a support group; although I’m by nature a loner, I still need some human contact from time to time, those I can trust and who can trust me.
You’re so right in saying (as Chris Pehura also mentioned) that we need to be careful about which group we call friends, lest we stray from our chosen values.
And as I’ve aged, I’ve also gotten more comfortable with knowing that sometimes a friend isn’t really one, even if they say they are. What’s the old adage: Actions speak louder than words.
Thanks for a great and real read!
Susan, we are both very much alike. I have no friends in this area and thusly do not go out much. Usually, you can trust those friends you have known for a long time but in my case, we are scattered around. Talking to somebody on the phone does not have the same effectiveness that face to face communication does. I get support from my wife but…. Silly as it sounds my cat and the birds I throw bread out to are sources of strength. Thank you for the time you invested in reading my article in addition to your comment that really struck home.
Not silly at all regarding your cat, Joel! I have two great friends right here in my village — both new friends made after I moved here a few years ago — and several from having worked for BNI (Business Network International) for 10 years. We’e all about the same age, and the BNI friends and I were all directors for the company, so we have a great history! And we meet for lunch maybe once a month, which works to keep our friendships alive and thriving.
I do get out frequently, Joel, because even though I’m a true introvert and loner, I still need some company. So I network, leading one twice-a-month version and occasionally visiting other groups. That satisfies my need for human companionship, and even occasionally brings me a client.
But my car often is in its parking spot three or four days in a row … I just don’t feel the need beyond that limited point to leave where I am. I walk with my dogs here, and obviously I meet up with others doing the same thing. We chat, then we move on.
Clearly you are a strong individual with abilities to move through your days much on your own — much as I am. I live alone — by choice now — and revel in my ability to organize my own life my way. (Cue Frank Sinatra, right?)
Be well, and stay in touch, Joel!
I work at home so I am on the internet especially social media a lot. I have made friends in the groups but I can’t say they are real friends since I do not know them well not to mention they live in different parts of the country. Deep down I am an introvert as well and would well prefer to live alone. To me, animals make a ton of sense plus they have no ulterior motives in terms of other than love and their basic needs they do not want anything from you but give so much in return. If you need somebody to correspond with my e-mail is [email protected] Thank you so much for the conversation.
Thanks, Joel! And mine is [email protected] — much easier to connect that way.
Thank you. I e-mailed you my complete contact information.
Reading this, I recalled a scene from the 80s tv show “Night Court” where a character or better, caricature, kept asking everyone “will you be my friend?”.
As you pointed out, it’s important which group of people you belong to. When I was in engineering, I never had that many friends; mainly because I didn’t think or act like the typical student enrolled in the program. But as a consultant, I have many friends; friends that merge the professional with the personal.
I find the group I belong to are philosophers. And I today I actively seek them out.
Chris, Not surprisingly you raise some very interesting and valid points. People tend to associate or make friends of others who have the same occupation, etc. This is is based upon the nature of the occupation. Those who are philosophers tend not to take on friends who are not philosophers as the thinking is more analytical and may not appeal to others. By the way I used to watch Night Court all the time. Though it was a comedy series it did resemble in some ways the goings on of a real Night Court. Thank You Chris!