When Will Healing Begin and Killing End?

How striking that at the protest of the killing of one black man, George Floyd, another one is killed, Calvin Horton, Jr? What happened to our right to a peaceful protest? Where is the humanity?

When will the healing begin and the killing end?

The purpose of the protest was to bring awareness but ended in more tragedy. White police officers, plainclothes or in uniform, retired or active, are given the nod from our local and federal government to do ethnic cleansing. Here in the land of the free and home of the brave where most of the military is filled with people of color the average black civilian is not valued. Here we are not taught all of human history and therefore don’t learn from our mistakes. For example, a century ago in Tulsa, OK a flourishing town of Black entrepreneurs also called the “Black Wallstreet” was gunned down babies, children, women, and men by white citizens who were protected by white police officers.

When will the healing begin and the killing end?

As a black woman in America and a mother, I see the truth of we are all one human race. However, in order for the top 1% to control the world economy, they have to maintain an economic structure of “smoke and mirrors” which fosters an environment of extreme discontent. When people are unhappy and grow up in a consumer society instead of an unconditionally loving and abundant thinking society, they self-soothe by buying more, watching more, eating out, and a series of socially acceptable self-harming activities. Mindless eating leads to being overweight which supports the billion-dollar diet industry. Escapism supports the multi-trillion-dollar entertainment industry and tourism industry. But what happens when we are all stuck at home with limited income to spend and fear for our bare necessities and have to see ourselves? There is no escape and excessive entertaining leads to an implosion of self-discontent, loathing for all that is in an ego-driven incubator.

This is an opportunity to heal our society with restructure. What if instead of a one-sided consumer economy we had an abundant-thinking economy?

Yes, just like we are taught in every self-development book, NLP course, and EQ certification, what if we revamped our economic structure to support our personal development? That’s why people on a personal journey of development struggle with cognitive dissonance! How can you embrace a personal philosophy which flies in the face of your daily reality? For all of the people in your inner circle, there are millions of people living the opposite reality and it’s not about them not taking responsibility for their actions, it’s about enforced inequality!

Now, I’m speaking to the spiritually awakened and “conscious people” who struggle when they spend time with the toxic family they came from or evolved from…you feel the negative pull of not just the inequality of your evolution but the reality of their stagnation and your helplessness to support them. You ran back to your safe bubble of awakened friends sipping from the cup of mindfulness and living the weight of uselessness. “What the f*** does it matter that I’ve changed if I truly can not change the world?” The evidence of that hits you like a sea of whales every time a black is killed by a white police officer, every time you see your underprivileged relatives or are grateful that you chose not to have children so that your life is better.

But for those of us who challenged our own “awakened” mindset and chose to procreate, as awakened mothers, we are the pillars of humanity. The most powerful thing we can do as women, the pillars of society, and leaders of this world, is to lean into our darkest and most difficult emotions to speak out for truth and healing. If we mothers don’t cry out in the face of injustice, our children will think it’s okay and turn a blind eye to pain and suffering. My daughter came to me today and asked if I knew what was happening in the world, I said, “yes”…then I realized that for the things I believe and tell her…I was being silent.

Is it because I feel helpless? Is it because I care what others think that I haven’t posted anything before now? No, it’s because I’m trying to understand how to actually stop the killing and begin the healing! We need to pause for the cause the way we did for the Novel CoronaVirus! Look each other in the face and see with new eyes, the reflection of ourselves in each other.

We are mothers of color and have to start the healing with our voice!

Here’s a beautiful song written and performed by a woman who I admire very much, a talented, singer, songwriter, award-winning playwright, activist, and mother of two brown boys Monique Atieno! Thank you for sharing your heart and voice.

I’m in a community of “lightworkers and healers”. My dear friend, Karen Ann Webster, posted on Instagram this weekend. She starts…”BREATH IS LIFE, the most basic of human needs. The air is free and on-demand, yet a system is in place that literally and figuratively suffocates our people to death physically, emotionally, financially, and tests our collective faith. The devastating emotional weight of this reality has left me feeling often like I CAN’T BREATHE!…”

Friday,  I watched a live interview with Les Brown and he said, “that this can be healed at the community level”.

And for all the certified EQ trainers out there, would you agree with me that it’s not as simple as EQ training or diversity inclusion classes for every police department in America? I propose a bit of role reversal training. Wouldn’t it be more effective in teaching human compassion to police officers? The human collective has to rise up against institutionalized racism. That’s what it is! White mothers, Black mothers, Brown mothers, and fathers have to rise up in an outcry and lean into…face the reality that hate can no longer exist.

We are all Humans First. Our exterior is an illusion.

The restructure must be retraining the minds of those in power, revamping the laws in the federal and local government, and have community action enforcement.

How will the healing begin and the killing end?


Cordelia Gaffar
Cordelia Gaffar
Cordelia Gaffar is the Emotions Opener Transformation Strategist guiding female wealth strategists with leaning into difficult emotions so they can show up powerfully. After leaving her corporate career as a controller for an IT start-up, she emerged as an author sharing how to self-nurture and began coaching women in her community, deepened her craft with continuing research and study in nutrition, fitness, spiritual practices, and overall emotional wellness. She guides women on the road map to being free to release, restructure, refresh and rebirth with her Replenish Me Program. In 2019, she won the Powerhouse Global Award for Best Podcast Host of 2019 in the UK and Volunteer of the Year by ACHI magazine. As a best-selling co-author of America’s Leading Ladies: who positively impact the world with Oprah Winfrey, Malika Chopra, and several other dynamic women, she will soon release her latest book surrounding case studies and research on emotional mastery. She has also recently been selected Ambassador of Peace by INSPAD and Director for the USA chapter.

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  1. Thank you Cordelia for this article. I see a stereotype similar to what you are saying, and don’t find it comforting that all white police officers, white people are put in the same tub as those who abuse the color of authority or choose to avoid following the goodness given to ALL of us and then we choose to distort it degrade it. As a mother and grandmother, I did not raise my children to be racist or prejudice, and they are not that way today. Voices of kindness, humanity, and compassion need to have a platform that is not threatened by those who only seek violence and don’t have time to listen to the voices I described. The healing begins with raising our children the way God intended, loving one another as He has loved us, which is the greatest commandment, and the killing may never stop, I fear, but it will become less. God Bless all of us who seek peace and unity regardless of race, creed, or color.

    • Lynn thank you for your comment. When we operate in silence and go along with the status quo, as I stated in the article that I had been, we aren’t intentionally “raising our children to be racist” or anything else. They learn from what we do not what we say. No where in my article did I imply that all white people are racist in fact at the end, I said that “…white mothers…” included with other shade mothers must cry out against injustice.

      The healing begins with self-reflection. It begins with “what am I doing in the way I show up in the world to be the change I want to see?” ” Am I being who God wants me to be?” and then, ” am I being that role model for my children and grandchildren?”