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What’s in a Name? (Quite a Lot, Actually!)

susan badgeWhen I was just three days old, my adoptive parents gave me my name: Susan Betsy Rooks. Easy to say, easy to spell, and easy to remember. Susan was for my mom’s mom, Sara. Betsy was for my dad’s mom, Bessie. And yes, I am very glad they made those slight changes (I never could have seen myself as Sara Bessie), while keeping the initial letters as we Jews often do to remember those who have gone before.

In my younger years, everyone called me Sue, Susie, and in some horrible cases, Susie-Q. You know how it is with family, right? All names get cut down into one-syllable words or cutesy versions, and most of us don’t get too worked up about it.

In my teens, though, I begged my family to stop with the Susie and Susie-Q already! Enough! Those were childish versions of my name, which for a quite a long time was simply Sue.

Of course, even that name wasn’t totally safe to have growing up in the ’60s; I paid dearly for it sometimes. How many of you can remember these three songs?

Wake up, Little Susie (The Everly Brothers, 1958)
Runaround Sue (Dion and the Belmonts, 1961)
A Boy Named Sue (Johnny Cash, 1969)

And there were a few choice phrases like “So sue me!” and the endearing way some folks call their pigs “soooooooooooeeey”!

Yeah, it was not always fun to be called Sue.

In my 30s, I finally decided that my name — my given name — was a perfectly fine choice. Short enough. Easy to say. To me it sounded strong but not formal. It would do.

But here’s the rub: I always introduce myself as “Susan.” I wear a name badge to networking events, and I write “Susan” on it.

How do you think about half the folks address me? Yup. They call me Sue. They skip right over what they hear and what they see, and they use the diminutive form that is not what I want. Now, I know they don’t mean anything negative by it; it’s just their default position. But I do wish I didn’t have to then say “Actually, I prefer Susan” or something like that, which can come across as … not very nice.

So, to make an incredible first impression — and to let the other person off the hook:

Use the other person’s name exactly as given to you.

If you’re being introduced in person, listen carefully, read the name badge, or check out their business card. Do the other person the honor of respecting their choice for their name.

If you’re responding to a written document, check to see how the other person signed his or her name. The formal one may be typed “David Wilcox,” but if he signs it “Dave,” you have permission to call him that. If he signs it “David,” that’s what he wants to be called.

So simple, yet so darned effective.

Of course, some family members did and still do call me Sue, as do a few “old” friends. And I wish I could get them to change it.

Right. Ain’t gonna happen.

On the other hand, one of my daughters just added a new first name that has tremendous significance for her, and yes, I’m having to really work on calling her that. But it’s what she wants, so I’m using it.

Almost.

Have any of you experienced this? I realize not everyone cares about their name being changed, but for those who do . . . ?

Susan Rooks
Susan Rookshttps://grammargoddess.com/
With nearly 30 years’ experience as an international workshop leader, Susan Rooks is uniquely positioned to help people master the communication skills they need to succeed. In 1995, Susan formed Grammar Goddess Communication, creating and leading workshops in three main areas – American grammar, business writing, and interpersonal skills – to help business pros enhance their communication skills. She also leads one-hour LinkedIn workshops (Master the LinkedIn Profile Basics) via Zoom to help business pros anywhere maximize their LinkedIn experience, offering it to Chambers of Commerce and other civic organizations free of charge. As an editor, Susan has worked on business blogs, award-winning children’s books, best-selling business books, website content, and even corporate annual reports (with clients from half a dozen countries), ensuring that all material is professionally presented.

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7 CONVERSATIONS

  1. How did I miss this one, Susan?
    When I was younger, it was always Johnny. I never asked anyone (at least that I can recall) to call me John. Now, it really cracks me up when younger people call me Johnny. I’ve had some 20 somethings do that and I can’t help but smile. I am interpreting that as they are comfortable enough with me to call me that. Because, as your article says, I haven’t signed my name that way since probably the 6th grade!

  2. Oh my…. you have struck a chord with this one, Susan! I grew up as “Missy” and I hated it. I was a tomboy who’d rather climb trees and catch frogs than play with Barbies. “Missy” rhymes with “prissy” and that’s not me! In second grade, I decided to change my name myself and started writing “Sam” (short for Samantha) on my papers. The teacher made me stop and shortly thereafter, I signed my name Melissa. No one called me that until I went away to college and no one knew me.

    Your point about not casually nicknaming someone you don’t know is spot on! Thanks for this one!

    • And I guess you and I were kindred spirits in childhood, Melissa, long before we met here!

      I much preferred being outside, riding horses, catching butterflies and such. Sure, even frogs. Never played with Barbies to my knowledge, or any other doll that preceded her. And I hadn’t connected “Missy” with “Prissy,” but ugh.

  3. As a kid, I was Kenny to family and friends. Over the years that became Ken, though I don’t recall ever asking for a change, it just evolved. Family members still call me Kenny and I guess that will always be the case. The only way to finally stamp the Kenny out is to outlive it. Truthfully I really don’t care what people call me, just call me for dinner. 😉

    • And that’s true for many folks, Ken! I just happen to prefer Susan, especially when I take the time to either say it or write it on a badge. And I promise: I won’t call you late for dinner. 🙂

  4. That’s been my philosophy for a while. My only hangup with that is when high level people do it…Yes, I use how they sign their emails to address them. Arnie, instead of Dr. Arnold Strauss, etc. Some people look at me weird, and I’ve had a couple people comment to me about this choice. but I figure, they should tell me how they want to be addressed.

    So, I agree with you 😀

    • Agree, Michael! If I see “Arnie,” I presume I can use that form with him. He knows who he’s writing to, so he’s giving me that implicit permission. I’d be pretty darned surprised if he (or anyone else) had an issue there.

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