What’s Going On? How Social Media Is Eroding Your Self Confidence.

social mediaIt’s called “keeping up with the Joneses” and is an idiom referring to the comparison to one’s neighbor as a benchmark for social class or the accumulation of material goods. To fail tokeep up with the Joneses is perceived as demonstrating socio-economic or cultural inferiority.


With the global use of Social Media channels from LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc. we are faced with a torrent of statistics which show us how we are NOT keeping up or measuring up.

When was the last time you logged onto your Facebook account to see posts with wonderful vacation pictures; friends heading off for exotic business travel; posts about yet another business deal or new job?

Or what about LinkedIn where you are comparing your number of connections and followers, how many people have read your blog post, the recent promotions and business successes of your connections?

Do you log off with a vague sense of unease, are you feeling depressed, wondering why you bother when it’s so hard to keep up. There is always someone achieving more, reaping greater rewards, being more popular and in demand.

Perhaps you begin to feel a doubt about your abilities…an eroding of your self-confidence. Much of our self-worth is benchmarked against the “wall of success”.

As a coach one of the most common areas for client personal development is this saboteur convincing you to compare yourself with others.

It’s a lose-lose situation.

In order to make progress on career and life goals we need to work towards achieving your personal best, your dreams, and your end game. It’s very hard if you can’t get past this social media overload. It takes over your head and your spirit until you can’t see a way past it.

It’s a challenge for all of us and you need a strong core of confidence to come back to as a touchstone.

Here are some quick ways to help to clear your mind and your spirit so that you can connect with your inner wisdom and confidence:

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Exercise and Meditation: both clear your mind and your body and give you sense of renewal and purpose
Laughter: helps to put things into perspective and stops you from taking yourself too seriously.
Read the popular magazines: you will see that what appears perfect is often not more than a photo opp and has no substance. The “grass is greener” syndrome affects us all.
Read books: they take your mind away from the present problems and expand your horizons.
Listen to music: to restore your soul.
Spend time with your real friends (not your online ones): to ground yourself.
Dance by yourself: it’s fun and gets you moving to music.
Do something you’ve never done before: everyday try to do something or learn something new…. it’s a great confidence builder.
Spend time with your dog: there’s nothing like a dose of unconditional love to raise your spirits.
Don’t read social media posts before bed: go to sleep with a clear head.
Count your blessings literally: before you go to sleep think about all the good things, which happened that day.
Pay it forward: do something nice or helpful for a friend or a stranger it will make you feel great.[/message] [su_spacer]

These are short terms solutions but use them together as a strategy to remind yourself how good you are how good you can be. There’s always some room for improvement it’s called growth, learning and self-development.

From the master of self-confidence himself:

“My only fault is that I don’t realize how great I really am.”

–Muhammad Ali

(In the interest of full disclosure I am a huge fan of social media…I just believe we should use it for our benefit and not as negative comparator)

If working on improving your self-confidence is one of your goals contact me I can help.

Alanea Kowalski
Alanea Kowalski
ALANEA Kowalski is an executive coach with over 25 years of international business experience who focuses on startup or high-change environments particularly with expatriates, women leaders and executives working toward developing global understanding and presence. Her areas of expertise include Financial Services, Pharma and High Tech. She coaches numerous C-suite clients and executives managing cross-cultural teams and working in multinational companies. Alanea has worked for Citibank, and as a consultant in Executive Search, Talent Management and Career Transition. She has worked with clients throughout North America, China, Hong Kong, Russia, the U.K and Europe. Alanea has lived in the UK, Canada and currently she resides in France. She holds multiple coaching certifications: The Coaches Training Institute, Lore International, The First 90 Days (Michael Watkins), The Team Intensive and Coaching Ourselves (Henry Mintzberg). Alanea is on the Advisory Board for ACEC, Association of Corporate and Executive Coaches. She is described by her clients as having the ability to interlace the strategic and creative with the practical. She pushes and challenges her clients to reach the next level using humour as well as her deep understanding of people and business. She takes her work seriously but, not herself. Often Alanea is described as a hybrid Coach and Consultant. One of her favourite phrases is “what if”.


  1. Great post and great advice as always! Very helpful and informative, thanks!

    It is useless to compare us to others. The comparison often distracts us from our goals, instead of achieving it is good to stay very focused. Let us set goals, commit ourselves to achieve them, let us enjoy our lives and we derive satisfaction from our small or big successes every day. We live our lives and not that of others or of our imagination. Others can only be a source of inspiration and motivation, perhaps learning from their willpower, the experiences recounted etc .. But compare us only with ourselves. We develop as much as possible our individuality, our talents and our personality. We define our personal idea of success and commit ourselves in everything, even a small one, we do. We will live definitely much better and we will be pleased of our lives and what we have done.