Anxiety is power inverted onto self. I know because I am feeling it from time to time as I keep healing and addressing my difficult past. I was very kindly reminded today by another beautiful soul that it does take time to heal and transmute all the layers of terror I have felt in my life.
The terror of never really being allowed to fully be me, to express my emotions, to be welcomed as I am, for years upon years of my early life. That terror is still being triggered and is sometimes streaming through my nervous system. And most often it shows up as anxiety about just about everything.
Today I realized that anxiety is another layer of identity I am shedding.
My friend asked me, what would you be if you were not anxious, and this answer WILL surprise you – I said: “I would be a nice person.”
There is so much information in this about what I think a nice person is, what my family thought about being a nice person, how others treat nice people, whether being a nice person is the end goal or is there more in life, can you be a nice person and be exceptional, can a nice person put boundaries, is a nice person my ideal and why not.
Obviously I have internalized so much negativity about who I am – a nice person, that it’s easier to be anxious, then to be me. This blew my mind. Honestly. Being anxious and scared probably got me more points when I was a child, rather than being nice. I acted out all the fears of my parents and my ancestors by being anxious and therefore they felt validated in their view of the world.
That is what anyone wants – to validate their view of the world so they can feel safe and secure in it. But am I safe by being anxious? No.
So much of your own emotions, identities, and behaviours are adopted from parents and environmental projections. So, you are acting out what someone put into you, like a computer program.
The key to reclaiming your power, and it is reclaiming, is to start questioning your current identity. This is not easy because without the help of my friend I would have had tons of evidence to show you how my anxiety is my identity, and how I definitely have reasons to feel it. The inner saboteur is very powerful in trying to protect you and in that, it is keeping you stuck.
To clear any and all identities that are not you, and moreover that are disempowering instead of empowering you, you really need a good guide, a good mentor, an aligned magician who can sense your truth and lead you to it. No one can do it alone. Not me, not other coaches and mentors.
We need each other. We all need this anchoring force of another to keep us safe and directed while we explore our chaos and fears inside. This is why I love my work. I love providing this for others, I love helping others regain their own trust in self and I also love receiving this from my aligned peeps.
Clarify your goals and then pick a mentor you can tell everything. And they will help you be everything.
Life is a glorious journey!