My heart and mind have been kind of dry lately, hence, no desire to write. Every day I think, “ok, today I will write an article that may be of help to someone”, then the day goes by and nothing. I go to the various articles written by such great people on Bizcatalyst 360°, and I am inspired. I take time to read several articles, to comment, and then I am dry once more, but today I decided I would go forward and write the following:
It’s a little personal, but then as I see and read through the many articles on Bizcatalyst 360, I don’t feel intimated to write something personal, which going back through several of my articles, that’s exactly what they are! My thoughts, my personal opinions on life, and what is on my heart. Today is no different.
Recently, while being up at the wee hours of the morning as I usually am, I can’t seem to sleep between the hours of 12:30-3:00 a.m., I pull out my laptop and begin clicking on the various apps that give updates on what is going on in the world, “Weather Channel”, “News”, “Instagram”, etc., and my thoughts shift to my adult children, my grandchildren, all of which I have not heard or seen in several years.
Then it hits me, the sadness and the thoughts, asking myself, “How can children turn on their parents like this”? How is it that the things you provided for them are forgotten! Instead, it’s the errors of parenting that they remember, the things as a parent you know you could have done better, but now, it’s as though it doesn’t matter.
If I could sit in front of my daughter, this is what I would say, “I am sorry for the things that you hold against me that I did not do right”. I am sorry for your pain, what you didn’t understand, what you wish I could have done better. I would say without question that “I Love You”, tried to be the best mom I could, and most of all, gave all that I could under the circumstances. I would hope then that her heart would soften to where with growing older herself, she might understand. “I would let her know too that the absence of seeing my grandchildren is something I do not wish in her life or any grandparents’ life.
If I could sit in front of my son, I would say, “I am sorry for any hurt I have caused you”. If you will tell me what it is that I have done that has not allowed me contact with you for 18 years, I will ask for your forgiveness. I cannot go back and undo things, but more important to me than anything else is that you and your sister love one another, be there for each other, and think of what God will tell you both when you go before Him, because there was no forgiveness, and we all will before Him someday.
I would say to my grandchildren, “I love you all”, and I only wish you would reach out. That over the years I could not see you, I sent cards, I sent gifts, I remembered your birthdays, holidays, and finally, I started a chest of cards for you to come after I am gone because I have no idea if you have received what I have already sent.
Finally, I would say to God, “Lord”, you know my heart, you know my thoughts and you know that as a mother and grandmother I wasn’t perfect, but I gave my children their education, helped them when they were in trouble, tried many times to pick up the pieces, cared for them when they were sick, disciplined when needed, provided for the faith and education, gave them a warm home, always said the words “I love you”, perhaps spoiled them in giving so much, but Lord, the one thing you know for sure is that “ I love them and miss them, and I will see them someday again”. Watch over them, protect them, for we are all imperfect, but love conquers everything, and you Lord, will never abandon those who call on you as a mother and grandmother, I am at peace. Wherever they are, please tell them I love them, and I miss them.
This is what I would say………
Have you ever thought about what you would say to someone you cared about so much but they have abandoned the relationship either as a mother, a brother, a sister, a child, a grandchild? I can’t be in this alone. Know that I pray at night for all those who feel the same.