You are 9 years old and your younger sibling is 7. You are both making mud pies on the kitchen table and your parent comes home. Now what…
I use this example because I think it is one that most people will be able to relate to. Maybe you’re an only child or maybe you would never be as foolish as to test the waters in this way.
Either way, you realize that there are going to be some life lessons involved in this scenario. The purpose of this post is to talk about what we take away from the situations in our lives where there are lessons to be had.
Let’s say that in this situation the mother comes home and sees this scene going on in the kitchen. She explodes with anger and starts to tell them that they are bad kids and they never listen to her. She goes on to say that they are horrible and they always do bad things and she thinks they do it just to make her mad.
Now, one of the children takes away that they are a bad kid and that they do bad things and they always make mom mad. This will carry on with them for a long time.
The other child takes away, “Don’t make mud pies on the kitchen table.”
Two children. Related, sharing the same genes, living in the same house with the same parents and they process the exact same situation in different ways.
We can have the exact same stimulus and we may have completely different stories that our mind tells us about the situation.
The story that our mind makes up is dependent on our filters. Meta programs, belief systems, values, decisions, and memories.
What all of that is basically talking about is our unconscious mind. It sets up rules that we have on how to see the world. For the most part, it is very helpful. Think if you had to learn how to drive every time you got into your car. Or if you had to think step by step about how to shower every morning.
The problem is when these rules are based on inaccurate information or on someone else’s view of the world that doesn’t support you and what you want to achieve.
Working with Neuro-Linguistics (NLP), Hypnosis, and Time Line Therapy (informed by Polyvagal theory) I work with clients to find out where their stories are coming from and support them in building new supportive stories so they can see the world in a way that supports their positive mental health and helps them to achieve their goals.
The story of the two siblings making mud pies is common to talk about stimulus and response and I have used it many times to explain internal stories. Recently I was talking about this story and a new observation came to mind.
What about the mother in the story?
What story was she hearing when she came home and saw that scene? Could it have been that she thought that she was going to have to clean it up and she never gets help cleaning up? Or, that her children never listen to her based on certain things she has told them in the past that they didn’t do? Or, could it be that she was upset because they were being so free and having fun and she feels that she could never be that free and have fun like that?
You never know where a person is coming from and they may not even understand what is driving their actions at certain points.
If you have things showing up in your life that aren’t supporting you in living the life you would like to live, let’s talk and see how I can support you on that journey.
