What Is the Secret of People Who Won the Challenge of Changing Themselves?

–The pain of change was less than the pain of staying the same

I get it. We, humans, are hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Our lifetime of conditioning doesn’t help control our primitive survival instincts.

How come?

It seems to me that when we are conditioned to be obedient and follow the Notebook, our self-awareness endowment — we were granted among other gifts — starts to shrink. A direct result is altering our emotional intelligence’s healthy development which requires maintaining the synergy between our left (logical) and right (emotional) brains.

When we fail to regulate our emotions, we give power to our primitive brain: we avoid pain and seek pleasure. We distract ourselves and numb our emotions.

No surprise we, humans, are the most horrible consumers in the history of our beautiful blue planet.

For someone like the former me who suffered from Imposter Syndrome — among many other mental health issues including CPTDS and a Savior pattern, I extracted tons of pleasure from achieving. I was a workaholic. So, again, I get it. If I hadn’t been harshly abused by a malignant narcissist four years ago to the point of deciding to commit suicide before being saved at the very last moment, I would have still been coping.

You don’t need to reach an extreme point of no return like in my case, in all likelihood — at least, I don’t wish it for anyone.

There might be different circumstances that would feel challenging beyond your bearable level of enduring pain and motivate your commitment to change yourself: the only thing you can control anyway.

When your spirit awakens and your soul can’t take any more insults from the way you are treating yourself, you can be sure that you will persist no matter how painful the inner work is.

If no major trauma takes place in your current physical existence, you may go on with your life, avoiding pain and seeking pleasure, and that’s okay as long as you are content.

The cure for pain is in the pain.

— Rumi

I wish I could tell you there was another way. But don’t take my words for granted. Do your research. Befriend ancient life philosophies and educate yourself psychologically. Then let me know what you found. Deal?

Pain is the purifier. Love pain. Embrace pain.

— Percy Cerutty

Think of diamonds. They are formed when concentrations of pure carbon known as graphite are subjected to a pressure exceeding 725,000 pounds per square inch and temperatures above 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit.

On a side note, when some people look at the numerous scars spread all over my body, get indignant, and ask, “why don’t you do anything about them?”, I smile before adding, “those are my cherished diamonds!”

Pain is sometimes the cost of a meaningful existence. I can handle that.

— Jeb Dickerson

I would have been skeptical, should I have read the above sentence before my OBE and later becoming a fur Momma and a stray animal kids’ fierce and fearless advocate. I grieve very frequently and will trade it for nothing in the world. When you love unconditionally, you pay the price. You know that pain will be a frequent visitor and you decide to welcome it with open arms.

Last words

If I didn’t almost kill myself before having an OBE, I wouldn’t have seriously and wholeheartedly committed to a self-transformation, in all likelihood. The pain of rewiring my program — no matter how seemingly unbearable it could be — is much less than what a suicidal person feels at any moment, and particularly during the darkest phases.

We are not to be blamed for our conditioning and/or traumas by-products. When our pain is not intolerable, we may keep ourselves in the victim’s box and keep running away from it. Nobody has the right to shame us for that.

A wiser choice, though, is to realize that we are responsible for our mental health. Also, we need to take it seriously as if our very existence depended on it because, in many cases, it does. I am one living proof.

That’s when we move from being a victim to victorious!


As usual, I want to thank all of you, dear readers, who decided to stop by and give this piece some of your precious time!


Myriam Ben Salem
Myriam Ben Salem
I am deeply passionate about everything life has to offer. Writing has been my very favorite means to educate my audience, captivate their attention, talk to their emotions, and make them relate and take action. I have been honored by working as a columnist for BIZCATALYST 360°, an Award-Winning life, culture, and biz new media digest, serving as the global hub for enhanced performance and well-being, during 2020. Also, I am a contributing author in Mayhem to Miracles: True Stories of Courage, Triumph, and Peace. I am so in love with writing that I have a peaceful smile drawn on my face whenever I start visualizing the books I will be writing for whoever will be tempted to discover an inclusive philosophy breaking with all the stigmas! I was born in Tunisia, a small country in North Africa. I did pretty much everything earlier than the average: walking, talking, singing, dancing. Promoted throughout my entire education, I was also the leader of every end-of-year party. At some point, after working several years for multinational companies as an engineer, team leader, project coordinator, and product owner while always being a top performer, I figured out I was feeling miserable despite the 'perfect external image'. That marked the starting point of an existential crisis followed by an episode that triggered my re-birth and the beginning of the most rewarding adventure of my whole existence: re-writing my subconscious program and reconnecting with my true self. I was saved at the last moment through an out-of-body experience making me see all the lies, realize this gigantic Universe was not revolving around me. Most importantly, I was able to visualize I was here to leave a legacy like all of you, no matter how big or small! The butterfly took time to emerge though. Today, I identify myself as a Universal Citizen. Like-minded and light-hearted people are what I call home. I am deeply passionate about everything life has to offer, and was granted the edutainer qualifier: a combination between education and entertainment! I educate on the importance of healing unsuspected traumas, seeing our limiting beliefs and biases with honest lenses, finding one's purpose and a principled mission that goes beyond the self, and unleashing the hidden potential so that to leave our legacy for the generations unborn. I have been using a panoply of means that could vary from explicit ones such as mentorship, speaking, and writing, a skill that emerged naturally during my self-actualization process to implicit mediums like storytelling, how I daily show up in the world and model servant leadership! Writing is my very favorite and most preferred tool deployed for my mission. The topics I explore are in the nexus of stoic philosophy, psychology, neuroplasticity, epigenetics, and pretty much any topic involving human behavior. Common denominator? The quality of the subconscious program. You may have a look at some of my works published on my website; Set Yourself Free.

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