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What if Self-Love Isn’t the Answer?

 
I was bullied, relentlessly so by my mother and by my brother. My father turned a blind eye to this. I ached to be loved and accepted. I tried all self-love techniques – never feeling “self-love.” All I felt was inadequacy, anger, hurt, self-hatred and pain. Why did these techniques work for others but didn’t for me? What needed to change? What if self-love isn’t the answer? Then what was it?
 
 

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Kalyani Pardeshi
Kalyani Pardeshi
Kalyani Pardeshi is a CPA based in Canada who is an anti-bullying specialist. She grew up in apartheid South Africa and was sent away to a boarding school out of the country. It was the only way to ensure she received an education that wasn’t determined by her race. One consistent theme in her life was that wherever she went, bullying seemed to follow her, but she refused to be broken down by her tormentors. Being in boarding school meant that she not only went to school with her bullies, but she also lived with them too. She self-developed tools to help her nip bullying in the bud because the anti-bullying techniques taught in school were ineffective. Using her own tools, she took her power back.  Kalyani authored and self-published “Unbullied: 14 Techniques to silence the critics, externally and internally” in which she shares the very techniques that helped her combat bullying. Her book has won three international awards including The Book Excellence Finalist Award. She uses her experiences and what she has learnt from them to equip teenagers with customized tools of their own to combat bullying and heal the scars thereof because she firmly believes that it is easier to mould a child than it is to mend an adult. Furthermore, Kalyani grew up in a home where she was led to believe that she had to earn her worth and value because she was born a girl. She developed a deep lack of self-worth because of these experiences. This led to her bullying herself to prove her worth and value just to be loved and accepted until she finally burnt herself out doing so. Recognising the many ways in which she was bullying herself, she embarked on a mission to put an end to her inner bullying behaviours through simple, actionable techniques because self-love affirmations didn’t solve her problem. She now specializes in identifying ways in which we bully ourselves in the name of motivating ourselves and combatting this inner critic/bully. These presentations/keynotes are available for teens and adults.

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4 CONVERSATIONS

    • Thank you so much Dr. Jo! Beautifully said! I love to think – if I don’t choose me, then who will?

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