Since reading Part 3, did you find yourself slowing down and turning your attention back to yourself?
A slight shift of awareness can make all the difference. It’s sometimes hard to turn the mirror inward and focus our awareness on what we need or want. One reason it’s hard for me is I really like being in production mode as my husband calls it. My natural tendency is to create, organize, and implement new ideas. It’s exciting, invigorating, and I feel productive, hence, production mode.
Do you ever experience production mode?
Maybe when you’re:
- Taking care of kids or family members.
- Being an entrepreneur and doing everything yourself.
- Meeting project deadlines at work.
- Trying to find a job, getting your resume perfect, and scheduling interviews.
Production mode is energizing but continued unchecked it can be exhausting, especially when subconscious patterns kick in. For me, those subconscious patterns are control issues.
Below is an excerpt from my book, Loving Life…All of It – A Walk with Cancer, Compassion, and Consciousness:
Life Lesson 7:
Change is Constant, So Dance Within the Moment
Journal Entry: January 24, 2011
“With all the doctor’s appointments slowing down a bit, it was time to acknowledge the fear and grief my body was holding onto. Tears of honesty flowed this weekend as the realization that life, as we’ve known it, will never be the same. Of course, life is never the same from moment to moment so I’m not sure why this ‘realization’ was so intense…probably because I was holding on to ‘the familiar’ way more than I thought I was. It was cleansing to feel the emotions and then let them pass through, knowing that these waves are simply part of the journey.
Feeling this fear and grief within my body helped me realize how much my mind was trying to hold on to what I thought I knew and to what I thought of as familiar.
I was afraid to let go of control. I was in unfamiliar territory; medical tests, biopsies, surgery, doctor appointments, genetic testing, agreeing to chemotherapy, and aches and pains in my body from all the invasive procedures. It was becoming overwhelming and I hadn’t given myself the chance to express my fear or grief because I didn’t want to let go of control and I wanted to be strong for my family so they wouldn’t worry about me.
Just when I thought everything was settling down, a CAT scan for our youngest son was scheduled for sinus problems. The results indicated a growth on his skull that required immediate attention. Now it became a dance of schedules between the two of us for appointments with the neurologist, neurosurgeon, breast surgeon, MRIs, and surgery dates. We became quick friends with the nurses at the MRI clinic as we joked and scheduled consecutive test times.
As if all this activity wasn’t enough, I had purchased a previously owned car days before my diagnosis. On December 23, one hour before the dealership closed, the brakes on the car went out and we had to make arrangements for a tow and rental before everyone left for the Christmas holiday. John and I were sitting in his car waiting for the tow truck when we burst out laughing. This was the moment when we realized that no matter what was happening on the outside; no matter how crazy things seemed to be; regardless of how much we wanted or felt we needed to control; we couldn’t. It was not about controlling the outside; it was about learning how to dance with each moment from the inside.
Journal Entry: February 10. 2011 – Update on Justin: Hi Everyone, great news, Justin’s surgery went off without a hitch.
Quiet Time for Reflection:
If you feel comfortable moving into this experience, close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose; hold for a few moments then exhale through your mouth slowly. Repeat a few times.
When you feel calm and relaxed allow the word “PLAYFUL” to come forth from within you.
How does this word feel to you?
Now allow the phrase, “change is constant so dance within the moment,” to come forth from within you.
How does this phrase feel to you?
Take a few moments to write down any feelings, thoughts, insights, and connections that come to your awareness.”
Production mode happens differently for each of us. When we’re in it, being aware of our need for balance is another step on this conscious self-care journey.
Have you ever heard the term GROUNDING?
It’s the idea of getting out of our head and back in our body, finding a place of balance. There are many ways to ground.
One way is to slow down, focus our awareness, and then ask:
- What do I see around me?
- What do I hear?
- What do I smell?
- What do I taste?
- What do I feel?
Below is a short video to help you experience “What Does Grounding Feel Like?”
Remember: Self-care happens one conscious choice at a time.
I’m grateful to walk this journey with you.
Loving Life…All of it,
Amy Camie, CCM
This article was originally published on The Wellness Universe