In this process, we can no longer keep up with the shifts of our partner’s mind, as we understand that the trouble that they experience in the inside, are gravely greater from what appears on the outside. In order to keep up with the changes in the tides we had to sacrifice our mental health. In this period, our clearance and sheer judging abilities are long gone. We have lost track of our own prudence. It is time to reconsider our retreat from this flaming coexistence.
A relationship that is codependent certainly is not a healthy one. We speak of such a relationship when all that we do is dependent on our partner’s reaction. According to healthline.com, these are the signs and considerations that should be taken into account:
You might be codependent if you:
- are unhappy in the relationship, but fear alternatives
- consistently neglect your own needs for the sake of theirs
- ditch friends and sideline your family to please your partner
- frequently seek out your partner’s approval
- critique yourself through your abuser’s eyes, ignoring your own instincts
- make a lot of sacrifices to please the other person, but it’s not reciprocated
- would rather live in the current state of chaos than be alone
- bite your tongue and repress your feelings to keep the peace
- feel responsible and take the blame for something they did
- defend your abuser when others point out what’s happening
- try to “rescue” them from themselves
- feel guilty when you stand up for yourself
- think you deserve this treatment
- believe that nobody else could ever want to be with you
- change your behavior in response to guilt; your abuser says, “I can’t live without you,” so you stay ”
To our original question as to how can we learn from a relationship of this kind, the answer is rather tricky. One thing is certain. An article will not tell you what to learn and how to act. Suggestions can be spread across, such as practicing self-awareness, and a desperate trial of listening to our instincts arises. A truly abusive relationship can be assessed thoroughly only when it has come to an end. In the end everything can lead back to us and to our image of ourselves. To seek refuge, love, and appreciation surely, should stem from our insides. The lessons concluded from an abusive relationship are mainly personal and can be withdrawn with the assistance of — time.
If we look at abuse from a wider and more open perspective we can understand that to abuse, not just the damaged ones are capable. Abuse can be performed from the sub-conscious and can be done without any awareness of it from the abuser’s side.
An abusive person is not necessarily a bad person, simply he or she is just not good to us. This person perhaps is just not ready to establish any healthy human connections.
To these assumptions, thoughts we will never find solid answers and should refrain from seeking them. For the sake of our own mental state and sensibility. Coming out from any sort of coexistence that has caused us great suffering, we should grant ourselves the permission to leave permanently. We are after all in charge no matter what the circumstances dictate.
Clarity is what needed, the clearance of dark clouds — is what needed.
A step — out from the crushing and suffocating waves — is what needed.
A halt on the shore, a glimpse of the chaos — is what needed.
If there was any good to remember — remember it, and hold it tenderly.
Be grateful for the bloody lessons.
Life’s a cruel teacher. Move forward. Keep going in life.
As the Buddhists say:
Until life is present, we must face it.