I still hear her. My mom’s exasperation amplified in her words, “What are you afraid of?” I’ve never been a daring person, never been brave, never the one to close my eyes and jump. I’m not the girl on the roller coaster. I’m more of a merry-go-round type of gal. I think I was born with the words, “But what if…” tattooed on my brain. It took nearly a lifetime to realize that life is all about ‘what if’. The only guarantee we have is this moment; the rest is all unknown.
I’ve heard the unsubstantiated claim that ‘fear not’ appears 365 times in the Bible, one for every day. I guess you could say that’s an estimate, but I’ve also heard that if you read the same words in the Bible more than once – it means you better pay attention. Things like: don’t worry, don’t fear, have joy, trust. This life is a recipe for fear. The ingredients are illness, accident, broken relationships, unknowns, danger. Any of these factors, mixed with emotion creates fear. What are you afraid of?
There are a few things I have learned about being afraid:
Fear is real. I don’t mean that what you fear is going to happen. I mean the fear itself is real. I might be petrified at the thought of talking to people I don’t know. You might be excited and energized at the opportunity to meet new people. Petrified and excited are two opposite ends of the spectrum. Naturally, you are going to think it’s nonsense for me to be afraid when faced with ‘working the crowd’. My fears are different from your fears. What are you afraid of?
Fear holds you, hostage. If you let them, your thoughts will be on continuous replay, like a needle stuck in a groove, playing over and over and over, stuck, unable to move forward. Stop thinking. Change your thoughts. I know. It sounds easy but is in fact, quite difficult. But you can change your thoughts that breed worry.
Fear can be overcome. It takes work, a lot of inner work, to resolve fear, but you can rise above it. Our minds are like soil and worry is fertilizer for fear. Worry unleashed is like germinating seeds of fear that grow. What are you afraid of?
Fear can be present without possessing you. When fear threatens to hold you, hostage, take a moment. What I’ve found in my life is that I can fall into a destructive cycle where my thoughts honor fear, fear honors worry, which precipitates more fear and more worry. This can happen to you too. But you can change the trajectory of your thoughts and stop them before they possess you.
• Identify the source
• Analyze the thoughts
• Decide to channel your thoughts through positive filters
• Keep pushing out worry and pulling in positive thoughts
• Fill your mind with so many positive thoughts, there is no room for worry
Change your thoughts, change your perspective. Practice, practice, practice. Your life will change.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. — Put these into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. – Philippians 4:8-9
I’m participating in 31 days of 5 minute free writes for the month of October. You can learn more about this at Five Minute Friday.
Jane I absolutely love this, feel this, live this and will practice overcoming this.
Raissa, thank you for your kind words. I remember fearing anything that was new. I was quickly pushed outside my comfort zone where fear was ready to push me back and remove any chance for moving forward. Change scared me until I realized that operating from “what-if” meant my life would be tired and unfulfilled. Now when my mind says “what-if” I rephrase to “even-if” and know that whatever happens will be OK. And sometimes there is even a side benefit of adventure.
WHAT A GREAT ARTICLE! As a three-time breast cancer survivor, I learned that, Yes, fear is debilitating and limiting, but it is also life-saving. To ignore fear is a recipe for disaster, however, to be ruled by fear is another recipe for disaster. So what is the answer? Balance. One of my best friends used to always say, “Trust in God, but tie up your horse.” Your fear is your horse. It can either guide or kill you. Chose to respect your fear and use it as guidance. Oh, yeah, and trust God. Thanks for sharing this article with us Jane Anderson.
Oh Kathleen! WOW! You are an inspiration. Your victory over fear speaks to how well you balance caution with wisdom. Thank you for sharing this with us. I would have a very different life if I didn’t trust in God.
Sometimes trusting in God is one of the biggest fears because it is fear-of-the- unknown, but I would not be alive without the guidance of God. Thank you for your kind words Jane Anderson.
I have to add that this was my favorite part “It took nearly a lifetime to realize that life is all about ‘what if’. The only guarantee we have is this moment; the rest is all unknown.” Thanks again Jane
I’ve personally had to deal with 3 of the above dangers and yet somehow I’m not afraid like I would have been in the past. Like Susan Bender Phelps indicated…..BE VIGILANT. But I agree with everything mentioned in this article because fear can suck the life out of you very fast. Like my mentor and life partner told me recently – You have imagination, you have a gift for invention – UNLEASH YOUR PASSION! What did it take – clarity about my life, INNER CLARITY. Knowing who you are and how you really are. I know myself and I faced the truth of myself. Like Massimo Scalzo recently told me “We humans spend a lot of time worrying about things….then….we realize….The truth of life. If we worry too much about things that have nothing to do with our inner side….we end up not living life to the fullest.” Thank you Jane for this reminder to face our fears!
Suzana, thank you for your thoughtful response. I agree with you. If we give all our energy to worry we have nothing left to give to developing our real life, which is a full life. Unleashing our passion is the way to be our best self. We all have a passion, but some don’t spend enough time on inner work to reveal it.