With so much upheaval, controversy and shock shaking the core of the US, do you wonder, like I, how we can help change this situation? Men and women alike are vulnerably sharing their stories of abuse, sometimes sharing humiliating secrets that they have kept hidden for years.
We can certainly discuss and try to understand how this has been happening for years. How one offense leads to another while secrets and cover-up upon cover-up seems to have been the norm. We can judge those that did not share what they knew because of intimidation, fear, and embarrassment.
Or we can start real talk about how each of us can do our part to change this. If you think about it, if it was acceptable to report, tell and more importantly ask for help in a situation when someone has been violated, would this issue be as far-reaching, for as many years as it has been?
Perhaps we personally cannot change the reaction of those in the workplace, school, neighborhood or home when an assault is reported. However, it is getting harder to keep these type of secrets. What we can do is LISTEN, exercise NON-JUDGEMENT and SUPPORT the person that is sharing about the offense they have endured. Further, we can;
✅ Raise a human being that has respect and love for self and others (yes it starts with self)
✅ Be a positive role model and have a positive impact on the younger people around you
✅ Listen when someone tells you their story and accept it instead of denying it, minimizing it or shaming them for sharing
✅ Stop acting like you know what someone else feels or what they are dealing with because of the abuse and just accept where they are at
✅ Stop giving advice to someone reaching out to you and instead ask them how they want to proceed to deal with this
✅ LISTEN, be supportive, stop judging (you don’t know how or what you would do in their situation)
✅ STOP keeping your own and others secrets that need to have a voice
I believe that collectively we have more power than we realize. I welcome your suggestions to help promote positive change in this situation. My wish to you is that you have courage and hope when either sharing that someone has violated you or when others are sharing the injustice they have endured.
Let us come together and collaborate, joining the #MeToo into #WeToo. We too will stand in support of those who have endured the cruelty of abuse and have felt shamed into carrying the dark secrets alone. We too will use our voice and whatever ability we have to help put a stop to these personal affronts and alleviate the hiding of them.
I have finally found another person that wants to act and make a difference. I just began writing and keep asking where those others are that will be the cumulative David to take down Goliath. I am all in! #wetoo
It all starts with finding that one person that will listen and will actually act on it in a positive way. All too often when you do confide in someone they say it’s your fault, you created the situation, you’re making something out of nothing. That is the norm.
In the environments I worked in, both male or female, you would be deemed weak if you brought up your own personal experiences on the topic. Weak and broken — there is something wrong with you. I don’t agree with this — but it is the norm.
I don’t see this norm bending anytime soon. All I can say is look for support by providing support to others. Never rely on someone who hasn’t lived through it. There most be a common shared experience. Also never rely on people who are easily “triggered” or are in the habit of social justice. Being a symbol for a cause will not help you. Only the important individuals in your life can help you.
Angela, timing articule. It will be interesting to see exactly how things will change now that dirty laundry has been exposed. In the year I started in Law Enforcement, only the 3rd female to be hired among a mountain of men’s ego’s, I certainly can relate to the “Wishing someone would just listen to me”!
I love your new #hashtag and I agree that we CAN (and should) do all these things. I fear we won’t. Two years ago, I thought my words might have a positive influence on starting a real, honest and hopeful dialogue. They won’t. They can’t. I have gotten to the point where we won’t do anything differently until there is some cataclysmic event – like a “big magnet” coming down from the sky and zapping all the bits and bytes, so that we have to start over because we now have something that we all can work together to build, rather than fight each other to destroy.
Man, I hope I’m wrong. Keep on writing. Your words are powerful.
Hi Carol! Thank you so much. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I’m with you, sometimes it feels hopeless and that making such efforts will not get us (humanity) where we need to go. But then again I think of all the progress we have made. And all the good there is in the world. And all the GOOD people. So I say let’s keep on keeping on. Our voice is our biggest asset. I would love to read what you wrote! I am grateful for you reading and commenting! – Angela