Weightless was written in mid-2020 when, among other things, I was confronted with the fact that after four years of struggling with an eating disorder, I still had crippling anxiety and stress about gaining weight or not being “at my ideal.” Even though I wasn’t skeletal like I had been two years prior, I still had the same fears and emotionally-abusive thoughts. So…I wrote them all down in a song.
Through the process, I realized that these damaging thoughts were leading me toward the “ideal” of being weightless, but obviously, I’m a human being…I can’t weigh zero lbs. Suddenly it became funny, the absurdity of it all. What was I chasing? The perceived ease of nonexistence? How ridiculous!
And yet, it still takes some work to quiet all those thoughts down. Just like in the song, I had to release my grip on them; I had to shout “they’re not mine!” at the top of my lungs. Writing “Weightless” signaled a switch in my thought process, and one of the first positive steps in my own journey of recovery, however difficult it was to express. Now, I can happily say that I have been delivered from what I now know is anorexia, and those damaging, self-destructive thoughts have no sway on me anymore.
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