We Need to Talk – Step Three

Editor’s Note: Enjoy Lynn’s earlier Articles in this Series:

THAT’S ‘F’ for Feelings in case you were wondering …….

In my last two postings I’ve been sharing some steps on the journey to mastering tough/challenging/difficult conversations – call them what you will.

We’ve covered two steps so far.

• Step One:  Identify what it is that makes a conversation difficult for YOU
• Step Two: Identify some choice points

This time we’re getting in touch with our feelings (if you think this is about being pink and fluffy or hugging trees you are WRONG!!).

We’re looking at emotions, too. (Feelings are low key but sustainable; emotions are more intense and normally temporary – does it matter?  Not really)

So, how are you feeling about that challenging conversation?

• What emotions are coming up for you?

Anger? Sadness? Fear?

• WHERE do you experience that emotion –   In your chest? Your stomach? Your shoulders? Your head? What aspects of the conversation might create strong emotions for you?
• How are you feeling about yourself in the context of this conversation?
• When I ask my clients these questions, they sometimes have no idea – we’re often so used to suppressing emotion that we don’t even know WHAT we feel or WHERE in our bodies we feel it!

Desensitisation can be a great defence mechanism, too – but what happens when all that feeling gets suppressed?

So here’s the third step to having that Conversation – Know what you’re feeling and where you’re feeling it!

Why?

So you know what to do with those feelings.