For many years, Americans believed Parisians viewed them as rude. Arrogant, entitled, and rude. Thus, the city’s natives didn’t hold back their disdain for such behavior.
In 2002, I braced myself for a frosty reception as I embarked on a five-day trip to the City of Lights, and to my delight, I could say, “Au contraire.”
My Parisian experiences refuted those claims.
Twenty-one years later, I still recall polite and ready responses when I asked, “Parlez-vous anglais?” An enthusiastic “oui” would emerge, providing directions or other requests we had.
The Parisians’ politeness and willingness to help reminds me of the importance of not stereotyping.
As Americans, we shouldn’t assume every United States’ citizen has reverted to barbarism because of uncouth behavior by some.
We’ve seen the devolution of culture and language with please, thank you, you’re welcome expressed less and less. Open displays of drug use and other unsavory acts have riddled our inner cities, and dress codes have eroded to where anything goes.
Traveling has returned in full force, accompanied by impatience and bad manners.
Last month, I flew to St. Louis, applied some of my extra points, and upgraded to First Class. As I settled my carry-on, I realized I prevented someone from taking their seat and apologized. She grunted something incoherent and sat in my row.
Not flying since 2022, my memory lapsed on how to access the Wi-Fi. Twice, I asked the woman if she knew, and she continued scrolling on her phone without answering. Her eyes and fingers remained glued to her device. As someone in the people business, I prefer reading on an airplane, not chatting, but I’ll at least respond to a voice. Within a few minutes, I deciphered the Wi-Fi mystery.
As we disembarked from the plane, I told myself, take the high road. With gritted teeth, I gestured for her to go ahead.
She uttered no. And not, no thank you.
Whatever.
Fast forward to September 29th. I flew to Arizona to attend a weekend conference. I expected the same behavior as the August trip.
How wrong I was.
Along the way, I encountered nothing but thoughtfulness and magnanimity. It began in Boston of all places, not known for friendliness and warmth. As we got seated, a man suggested I move, so he didn’t hit me while loading his luggage. At the end of the trip, he assisted me in retrieving my carry-on.
This continued.
In between flights, I met polite people all over the airport, including the Ladies’ Room. As I thanked each person, I received generous responses, “of course” or “sure thing.”
On my travel home, no different.
Waiting to board, I engaged an adorable young man, his sister, and her fiancé on their return to Utah.
When I sat and placed my bag in its compartment, the gentleman in my row said, “I’m sorry I didn’t help.” He witnessed my vertically challenged stature. I reassured him I was fine.
Smooth sailing the rest of the way.
But who cares?
Why am I sharing travel minutia in the undulating journey we call life?
Two reasons:
1) Flying has become difficult since 9/11, but my experiences remind me of major shifts created by minor acts of kindness.
2) The recent assault on the Israelis and in Maine begs the question about human beings’ capacity for goodness. Evil lurks, slithers, and blackens souls.
We aren’t born good. Every human being must try throughout life, and repeated attempts can transform both the receiver and giver.
A murky room alters with a flicker of light.
Small acts of goodness make a difference. My recent flight to Arizona reminded me of this.
Everyone has a choice. We can try or not.
And if we falter?
Well, I’ll take a powerful sentence from Khaled Hosseini’s unforgettable novel, The Kite Runner:
There is a way to be good again.
How do you view the capacity for goodness? How has it affected you as the giver or the receiver? I invite you to share.
A nice article that makes us say thank you for coming back to write in this group.
It is difficult to answer your question because, as psychology explains, “good and bad” is a schematization that simplifies our vision of the world: we should understand what is behind the behaviors.
In reality, the fact of behaving like a good person or a bad person depends not only on some genetic components and on environmental influences (the person’s education and history), but also on the contingent situation (for example, whether or not being in a group, having doubts about the seriousness of a situation, having an authority who gives orders as a reference). The line between good and bad thus becomes much more blurred. We need a more complex, articulated and even contradictory vision of us human beings.
It is different if we want to express a judgment on the acts of violence so widespread in the world: too much selfishness, economic interests, too many weapons arm the hand of those who delude themselves into solving a problem with force, or is induced, in various ways, to do so, rather than seeking and spreading behaviors responsible for dignity and human life, especially of innocents who often already live in conditions of extreme hardship, perhaps at the limit of survival, and yet would be content just to live in peace.
Violence must always be rejected with extreme firmness.
However, concrete actions are needed to avoid all this.