We Are Not the Outcasts –Just An Unheard Majority

I was taken aside the other day and reprimanded. For overstepping the mark and breaching protocols. I didn’t know I had overstepped the mark nor breached protocols.

I thought I was simply helping because that’s what I always try to do, just be of help. But, it turned out that in the others person’s view, I was doing quite the opposite. And I was told so.

It felt awful, my stomach plummeted as the realisation of why I had been taken aside became clear. Of course, I apologised, because of course, I must have been in the wrong, because when someone in a place of authority and more experienced than you says you are, surely it must be true.

And when I was asked afterward by a caring soul if I was ok, of course, I said I was and continued to apologise again and again. Because to show the real depth of my despair and fear of the reprimand would reveal just how utterly fragile and vulnerable I really am. And that might mean I am judged as overly sensitive, unstable, or even worse, not really fit for purpose.

And even in today’s world where we all say that it’s ok not to be ok, that is terrifying.

Because sharing the reality of how we really feel about something is rarely done and it’s rarely done because we all think that we are the only ones who are so wounded, so broken and so scared. So, we continue to hide our truth lest we be outcasts in the wilderness. But we are never the only ones, it’s just that we are all silent with our real truths and therefore we think we are.

Sharing our vulnerability and truth, is perhaps one of the hardest things any of us can do, because we believe that it will harm us and therefore it takes an awful lot of courage.

But perversely it is the silence, the isolation, and the hiding of the truth that really harms us.

By not sharing how we feel, we are unable to process the trauma of the event, nor reach out to others for support, so the trauma becomes buried in our minds, much larger than it deserves to be carrying with it all of the insecurities it has triggered and then becoming even larger, as it is infected by all of those other traumas already buried, because we are too ashamed to share our truth.

So, this post is really a note of love and support to all of those people who sit in silence with their vulnerabilities and deeply hidden traumas, because they fear the judgement and prejudice of others – you are not alone and you are not the only ones, it’s ok to feel hurt, wounded, confused, sad, scared and perhaps angry too. But please do not bury your traumas with all of that angst, allow them to see the light of day, give them a voice, share them, take what you need to learn from them, and then just let them go.

Because we are not the outcasts, just the unheard majority.

With love

Nik x


Nik Davis
Nik Davis
NIK DAVIS is a business transformation expert and has spent 20 years in the corporate world. Her comfort zone is order, logic and applying analytical tools to solve complex problems. She is also a keen observer of life, a writer and eccentric. Nik has recently returned to the world of work after taking a career break to spend time with her family. Upon her return, she found that her perspective had changed, as had the world she was returning to. Nik decided to carve out a new place in that world and mould some of it to fit her too. Nik sees life from quirky angles, shaped by experiences and the vast amount of knowledge we now have access to. She likes to write about her experiences and observations. To ‘tell it how it is’ and to find a more authentic way to live, whether in our professional or personal lives. Nik often talks about finding ‘The Third Way’. It’s a philosophy about life, having a personal life as well as a career, making money and being socially generous, being logical and sensitive, living by the rules of a society but not being afraid to challenge them, inspiring others to feel good but not for your own ego, giving rather than taking. Nik wants to make a difference to this world by getting people to see things differently, to try new ways of working but most of all, to re-discover our true selves and therefore reach our true potential. Nik also has two other persona’s: nikdavis which is where Nik writes about her deeply personal experiences of life. Nik runs a facebook group alongside this website to create a safe place for people to discuss the topics that are raised in her blog. Nik’s second persona is Lilly Isabella and this is where she shares her passion of fashion and design.

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