November is Alzheimer’s Awareness Month, and an opportunity to be grateful for our ability to function and live full lives, despite the adversity that is pervasive in our world today.
It’s easy to sense despair creeping in as we feel stuck in circumstances we may not be able to control. But we are not powerless. We just need to search inside ourselves and find ways of coping that are realistic, empowering, hopeful, and optimistic – and remind ourselves that we have the freedom to create change.
I was reminded of this freedom we have while reminiscing about a video conversation with my beloved elder friend whose life was overtaken by Alzheimer’s. Bill was a brilliant, witty, multi-talented, and successful entrepreneur, who stayed active as a consultant after retirement and engaged in a variety of artistic activities. But he was plagued by depression after significant losses, developed periodontal disease, and the insomnia that had affected his health for several years became worse. Then he was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment which progressed to a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease.
Since he was still functioning well, I brought him with me when I interviewed for my current position as Associate Director-Workplace Wellness at Broward College in Fort Lauderdale, FL, in 2018. He loved Fort Lauderdale and spent many happy times there in his younger years. After my interview, we visited his favorite spots while he reminisced, knowing this was his final visit.
When visiting Wisconsin in 2019, I helped him move into an assisted living facility, which he accepted with a pragmatic attitude and said he felt safe there. Because he knew he could trust me, I became his power of attorney for healthcare. I noticed a progressive decline each time we talked, as his cognition and communication would wax and wane. Then, the time came when I signed the order (with his blessing) for hospice and removal of some medications, which helped him feel better and stay more alert.
He remained relatively coherent with flashes of treasured memories of days when he was in his prime and loving life. His bright wit and ability to make people laugh were well-known and enjoyed in the facility. Sometimes he was quiet and contemplative and asked if this was truly his reality now. He never faded away completely, and I wondered how he really felt.
During our last Zoom conversation, we talked about the pandemic and the quarantine in his facility. I shared with him how we were all adapting to many unexpected changes. He said: “Well, at least you’re free and independent and doing what you love – I am stuck in here.” I replied that I hoped the quarantine would be lifted soon so he could get outdoors and have visitors (this was in 2020).
He said emphatically: “That’s not what I mean. You’re limited now for a while, but I’m stuck in here… and that’s forever” as he raised a shaky finger and tapped his head. Sigh. More words of wisdom from this dear man who was reminding me that I – that we – are not stuck.
We have our minds, our bodies, our health, our capabilities, our lives, and our future, and we must never take anything for granted.
Bill left the world in 2021. He is with me at seaside sunrises and his legacy lives with all who love him.
