There is innocent glee captured in the faces of these two youngsters as they share a secret that belies the fact that words when reordered create sword. They can cut and often it’s quite unintentional. Let me share a recent experience that it took some work to clear in the hope that a glimpse into my world shows how we can all get caught out.
Last week I had an invitation to a party and I was really looking forward to going. I had no idea what the dress code was in part because I had to rely on my husband who was just wearing his usual suit. As it turned out I was a bit overdressed but that didn’t bother me as I enjoy an opportunity to dress up, as usual, I am in sportswear due to walking the dog.
We arrived fashionably late and what I had forgotten to prepare for was the fact that I was walking into an event where the majority of the guests knew each other very well because, for the most part, they work together. And as an aside, my husband said that one of the things he liked about me when we met was how I was never fazed in a room where I knew no one. I always leapt straight in and talked to anyone. So initially I wasn’t fazed.
The first nail
After 20 minutes or so I was getting chilly so I walked inside and saw a group of people I knew. I went up to them and joined in the conversation. I could see they were quite animated. It turned out they were talking about preparations for their Jubilee street party next Sunday. It may sound strange but that threw me. I knew it was the Jubilee weekend but as most of you know we are relatively new to this area and are still building relationships here. What made it worse was it wasn’t even their street’s party they had been invited to join a nearby street’s bash.
The second nail
Reeling from that I found myself in a conversation with someone else who asked me if I had enjoyed my recent trips to spas. For a second I drew a blank and then I realised they were talking about the retreats that I had been on. For a split second, I thought about explaining a bit about the naked fool but I was pretty sure that archetypes and the tarot were not in their lexicon so I found myself saying that they had been wonderful. I know that is one of the tacit rules of small talk to keep it all congenial but I found it painful not being able to speak my truth.
The third nail
Later on, I recognised someone I had met once at the side of the hockey pitch so I greeted her. I was aware that her family had been through quite a few changes over the last year. She told me what a wonderful community it was to be part of and how they had been supported. I was really thrilled that they had got the help they needed as they went through quite a bit of change, some of it quite challenging. It was so different in many ways from my experience of it perhaps because, for the most part, my life is outside of that community.
How I changed the story
At that point of the evening, it all looked a bit bleak and I did feel a bit low, and rather than try and rationalise it I allowed myself some time to sit with the feelings in my body. I needed time to just be with it all. Less than 24 hours later I found myself at another event cheering my eldest and her team at the National Schools regatta, the biggest rowing event after Henley. We all had so much fun and I got my third invitation for us to join a table at the rowing ball. It has nothing to do with popularity and had much more to do with my energetic vibration.
What helped shift things for me was having a lazy Sunday afternoon. I had a bath with my husband which was lovely and some extended couple times where we did 20 minutes of yoga nidra.
My big realisation
I’m not a fan of small talk but if you want to get into the big questions of life – your deepest regret, your greatest joy – then we’re going to have a great chat.
I don’t like small talk because it is very challenging to have the kinds of conversations I like to have. I prefer smaller, more intimate gatherings where we can go deep. My second insight was that it is okay not to have half-term booked up weeks in advance especially when you have a child in the middle of important exams as we have.
I asked her if she would like to go to London to see the trooping of the colour on Thursday and then on for lunch somewhere as her sister is away on a hockey tour in Spain for the week. She jumped at the chance and so we will celebrate the jubilee in our own way. I hope to be in my first rowing race and part of an event at the rowing club. Later on, in the weekend, we as a family will have some great food, excellent wine, and hopefully one or two chilled afternoons.
Pain comes when we blindly try to fit in with the status quo or feel that we are missing out. When I remembered that everything is perfect and let go of the need to change it then inner knowing came to me. It helped that I bathed in the Abode of Bliss bottle today because it helps us release old stories of persecution. It also invites us to embrace the fullness of who we are and walk that energy around the planet, as that’s how we change the planet. My invitation to you over the coming week is to tap into the bliss at the heart of Gaia and spread that light wherever you find yourself.