Unconditional Gratitude

When you ‘do’ gratitude as a practice it’s coming from an idea of limit — that I ‘need’ to do this in order that… When you realise who you are before ideas of limit, you know yourself as unconditional gratitude, already.

Now you see that you don’t need to do gratitude or appreciation. You are gratitude, and appreciation. Unconditionally.

~Matt Khan

About 6 years ago, I came across the practice of #3goodthings — every day writing in a notebook, or tweeting, 3 good things that had happened that day. Sometimes it was seemingly small things, like how nice my sandwich was at lunch, things I’d normally brush over, and it had the effect of me realising that while the mind could say ‘today’s been pretty average’ or even ‘terrible!’ it started to bring chinks of lovely light into that narrative. Showing how the stories of the mind were not accurate and that when you look closely there’s always something to appreciate.

Back then the activity was also overlayed with a need — if I do this practice then I’ll feel better and have a happier life. And the same was true of appreciation of others, although with a bit more overlay tangled into it — because appreciating others looked like it had the added bonus-effect of gaining acceptance and inclusion; ‘they’ll be my friend’ is a foundational story most people grow up with, and most adults are walking around with today, albeit now made to look grown up with networks and communities, clients and customers, bosses and colleagues.

Trouble is, when you believe you need acceptance from others, you also get back the opposite and can spot, all over the place, situations where you’re not included, or not accepted. Suffering.

Or maybe it seems that, now everyone thinks you’re a lovely, grateful person, it also seems like it’s not OK to get frustrated about anything or to express any kind of disappointment or people will leave you. Suffering.

No freedom in either of these places. Conditional gratitude is a limit and leads to more limit and more suffering the more it’s ‘done’.

Mistakenly you’ve taken the suffering as evidence that you’re not doing enough appreciation or gratitude, or you’re not doing it well enough. Or that you really must keep up this effort, or else they might all not like you.

But no, all the suffering is telling you is that you’re looking at the world through a distorted lens of thinking, a limiting belief or rule, an idea that appreciation and gratitude are essential to success, happiness, and inclusion; and that if you can just do enough of it, then you’ll be OK.

What’s available is to see instead is that who you are is beyond these ideas and limits. That there is something else that you are that sees everything is whole, complete and included already. That nothing needs to be worked for or earned, that there’s no insecurity to fix, that gratitude — love — is your nature.

In the absence of distorted lenses and limiting ideas, you immediately know yourself as that wholeness; as unconditional gratitude.

Now you see that you don’t need to do gratitude or appreciation. You are gratitude, and appreciation. Unconditionally.

Now nothing — including you — needs to change. And yet everything does.

With love, Helen

Helen Amery
Helen Ameryhttp://wildfigsolutions.co.uk/
Reconnecting you to innate brilliance for a more fulfilling life. Disillusionment happens when, things that we took to be true, start to look less so. People, belief systems, ways of working, societal norms. As these cracks, in reality, start to show we often look around to see what else is available to make sense of this, and these moments provide the opportunity for great change and the ability to step into a whole new and fresh experience of life. I work with disillusioned people who’ve worked hard all their lives to climb the career ladder, increase their income, who got the family and the house and the car and…then they look around and realise something’s still missing. They don’t feel more fulfilled. They don’t feel successful. They don’t feel secure. Sometimes these things have even become worse. My career has developed through commercial HR into psychology-based coaching, and now my work goes beyond psychology to the fundamental truths behind our human experience. This is the final shift in perspective that frees us from the imagined limitations we’ve gathered through life and reconnects us to our innate brilliance. It’s the direct path that other development can meander us to. From here we find fulfilment, security and a feeling of success – and we find we’re able to enjoy everything we already had, and new things, in an entirely fresh way. My business is called Wild Fig Solutions because the Wild Fig has the deepest roots in the world and I always cared about getting to the heart of what was going on. Now this work is really that as it reconnects us to our heart at the deepest level and naturally rebalances us so that we use the brilliance of our head in the way it works best. I work with clients online, in one-to-one and group coaching programmes, to help them reconnect to their innate brilliance. See my book here: Let’s Get Honest About: Work