I found myself wrestling with a secret I could no longer bury deep within my heart. When the call came in, I had learnt that my 3-month-old son’s father was sentenced to 28 years at the federal prison. I have never felt so broken, as I attached myself to being a victim of circumstances.
The shame, the judgment, and the fear of being ostracized haunted me. I became undernourished, suffering from fatigue, and depression was slowly creeping up like a dark shadow lurking in the night on the walls of the tiny dirty rooms we shared because we had also become homeless.
What kind of life can I now give this innocent little human being? I could not go on any longer as my infant son needed his mother. I desperately cried out for help, as I became vulnerable removing my shame and fears of being judged.
We were suddenly embraced by others and cried out of gratitude to know that people cared.
As difficult as it was, it was time to remove the shackles that I had attached myself to and to be free as I now chose a journey of self-love. Then my tears eventually turned into tears of strength, as I realized that some of the greatest lessons are often found in the darkest of places.
It was throughout my journey I learnt that with self-forgiveness, there was a light that made my shame begin to feel less, and it was with forgiveness, new doors opened up to start healing.
With years being passed, I am no longer defined by these mistakes in another person’s life. As resilience has been put into practice.
