Time after time people tell me they are stressed out. They can’t sleep, they are overeating, drinking more, smoking and doing all kinds of things to cope that are ultimately very unhealthy, and they still can’t make the stress go away. The problems keep running toward them. The pain of looming disaster continues to grip them. I certainly understand those feelings, so let me tell you a few things you need to know so you can find the peace you desire.
We tend to look externally for relief or solutions to our problems, but mostly it is the perception of a problem that is really bothering us.
Everyone goes through difficult periods in life, but your ability to shift focus during these difficult times is what will allow you to find both the relief you seek and the answers to your problems.
We are all born with an inner guidance system that remains fully intact and operational throughout our entire lives. No matter how old, young, stupid, naïve or feeble you are, this system remains perfect. You may call this system your intuition, the voice of God, your guardian angel, your inner being, or any number of things. What you call it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you understand its role in your life and how to maximize the benefit of its presence. It matters to your personal success and your entire sense of well being that you learn how to tune into the voice within.
When you are aligned with your inner being, you feel good. When you are out of alignment, you feel bad. It’s really that simple.
Lately, I have been bombarding my social media feeds with memes and videos about this subject and the response has been incredibly touching. Time after time, people send me messages telling me how much I am helping them and how much they appreciate my posts. I am grateful and humbled and absolutely delighted to know that I am helping people. Many of these are people I have never even met. This encourages me to keep going. I let my inner being guide me to do what I strive to do and the universe responds by sending me people who let me know that I’m doing it right. I’m on the right path. It feels good to know you are on the right path, and that’s how you know you’re on the right path! When you are aligned with your inner being, you feel good. When you are out of alignment, you feel bad. It’s really that simple.
Silence allows you to hear the voice within and joy is what moves you along the path.
When you feel bad, that is your inner guidance system telling you that you are off the path. Negative emotions are like a bad phone connection. You can’t hear important information. Moving yourself to a more positive state of mind is like changing phones or redialing the number so the conversation is clearer. There is a trick to realigning yourself that goes beyond just sitting in silence, however. In fact, there are several things to focus on and mediation, or sitting in silence, is only one of them. In the following paragraphs, I will give you some important information that will help you get through even the most emotionally devastating times.
Meditation: I’m going to make this first on my list because I already mentioned it. So many people think that sitting in silence and focussing on a problem is meditation. Let me tell you, THAT IS NOT MEDITATION. There are different types of meditation but primarily, meditation is the emptying of the mind. It is a way to stop the momentum of whatever negative emotions are driving your reality. In order to do this, find a quiet place where you can sit for fifteen minutes undisturbed. Shut your phone off or put it on do-not-disturb. Tell the kids you are meditating and to leave you alone. Lock your pet out of the room. No distractions allowed. Now set a timer for 15 minutes and 15 seconds. 15 seconds is time to fidget and get comfortable. You can lie down, sit with your feet up or in any way you like. Just be comfortable. Once you have that in place, simply listen to the sound of your breathing or a monotonous sound in the room like the air conditioner or the hum of electricity. Close your eyes, find the sound of silence and breathe. Understand that you are a living, breathing human, so you are going to think of all kinds of things while you are meditating. That’s okay. Just shift your focus back to nothingness.
If you find that system awkward, try some guided meditations. You can get many on YouTube or from a phone app. Some of these are focussed on feeling joyful or on relaxing. Pick one and try it. If you don’t like it, try another until you find one you like. I really like Abraham Hicks meditations. Whichever you choose doesn’t matter. Just choose something that feels good.
Define Stress: Stress is something that is toxic to humans. It is the root cause of many poor lifestyle choices that lead to serious health conditions. It has been found to cause cancer, depression, anxiety and a whole host of illnesses that have a terrible effect on humans, yet there is no physical thing called stress that can be cut out of you. Stress is a by-product of your imagination. It is an emotional reaction to an imagined outcome. When you let the “what-ifs” of life get to you, you have stress. Knowing that you are now able to change the way you think so you can change the way you feel and ultimately change the direction of your life. You are in full control of your thinking. Nobody is inserting ideas into your brain.
Change the talk in your head: Keep in mind that our emotions drive the results in our lives and that our emotions are driven by our thinking. This means that changing the talk in your head is a critical component to moving your emotional dial to another station. The problem, of course, is that it is too difficult to stop being miserable and start being joyful in one great leap. You must do it gradually by reframing your thinking one small, better feeling thought at a time. For example, let’s say you lost your job and now you are low on money and you are afraid of losing everything you have. Most people can relate to that kind of stress. Everything in our society depends on our ability to draw money into our lives. When you are out of options, all that’s left is the talk in your head, so you need to change that. You may start with:
“I’ve been through tough times before. I survived.”
“I always manage to get through.”
“Somehow, things always work out for me.”
“I can only control the way I feel right now.”
“I don’t have to have all the answers today.”
“It only takes a nanosecond for someone to make a decision that will change my situation.”
“There are unseen forces moving things around in my favour. All I have to do if feel good about my life.”
“I am choosing to be hopeful about my future.”
“In fact, I am certain I will find a way to change things.”
“Answers come to me when I relax and just focus on the moment I am in.”
“I am okay.”
“I am certain solutions will present themselves to me and I will be back on my feet.”
“I’ve never actually been off my feet, because I am a survivor.”
“This situation could bring about a tremendous opportunity for me.”
“I now have the freedom to make new choices.”
“I am feeling really good about my future.”
When you take the time to reframe and gradually move your thinking to a better place, you then clear away the negative thoughts that block your success.
Avoid talking about your problems: The more you focus on what’s wrong in your life, the more you will see what’s wrong in your life. This only perpetuates the problem. When people ask you how you are, your answer should always be that you are doing well. Smile and know that you really are doing well as long as you can force the feeling of doing well. You may need to trick your mind a little, but thoughts become things and there is scientific evidence that points to that. Check out my blog called The Science of Happiness.
Stay away from those who make you feel bad about your life. I don’t care who it is. Avoid being around people who make you feel bad about your circumstances. They will want you to talk about your misery and they will either wittingly or unwittingly encourage you to be more miserable. They will suck you into their drama and perpetuate the problems in your life. Don’t seek their company out. Be unavailable to them. They are poison to you.
Avoid all negative subjects and experiences: Don’t replace one negative thought for another. Resolve to look at world events and other people’s tragedy with compassion but no real emotional involvement. Wish them well. Wish them peace and love and don’t get drawn into the negativity. Stop talking about the past wrongs that were done to you. They were experiences that took you to where you are and some good came from all of them. Remember that and move on. You are here today and not there ever again because the past is finished. All good things are ahead of you.
Make a list: Make a list of things in your life that make you feel good. What do you love about your life? Think small. Even the smallest things should be on that list. The peaches from your garden, the way your house feels after you clean it, the softness of the blankets on your bed. Little things mean a lot. Take nothing for granted. Everything is a gift. You will hear the voice within very clearly when you are feeling happy and grateful for what you already have.
Do things that make your heart sing: Go to the beach, call a friend who makes you laugh, read a good book, play a game, make love, cuddle your pet, paint a picture, etc. Do whatever it takes to feel good. That is when you hear your inner voice the loudest. Your inner self is always in a happy mood. When you tune into that, you will discover things work out very well for you and that you have plenty of things to feel good about.
First of all, I apologize for being so late! 🙇♀️
This being said, I wanna congratulate you for the quality of this masterpiece full of wisdom and soul at the same time! 👏💎👏
I loved this tip the most:
“Don’t replace one negative thought for another. Resolve to look at world events and other people’s tragedy with compassion but no real emotional involvement. Wish them well. Wish them peace and love and don’t get drawn into the negativity.”
This is such a beautiful advice for sure. 💙 Still, it will be almost impossible to practice for an unaware empath like the one I was. Why? Because of the very fragile boundaries… Unaware empaths might be very sweet & beautiful souls. They are adored by everybody since they’re pleasing everybody anyway. Unfortunately, they have so little self-esteem. That’s specifically why they are horrible in terms of actively listening. Why? Because they are only able of absorbing the toxic energy and feeling even worse than the person sharing. I learned it the harsh way! Definitely not through forcing, but through literally reinventing who I was from within.
Thanks again Renée for this great read 🌞
Sage wisdom. Thank you.
Wow. So much here to contemplate. Thank you, Renee. I can’t imagine what it must feel like…to feel like this. Especially, now. But I am trying. I am someone who thrives on motion so meditation is hard for me. But that said, I have been looking into the guided form and am willing to give it my all. What a wonderful article. Thanks, again and thank you Dennis, for sharing.
Renee Cormier, excellent article containing needed advice. We are much aligned in our thoughts. My BIZCAT article on the New Research on Laughter gives your blog a hug.
Thank you, Renee! This is an excellent article touching deep into human mind. And I feel so excited that we are sharing quite a lot of understandings. About this topic, I have three posts on LinkedIn and I would like to share with you and seek our further conversation if you see the interests:
1. Solitude Makes Us Stand Out, not Fit In
2. What Makes You “Cool” What Makes You “Miserable”
3. Open Your High-Dimensional Wisdom and Gain Inner Joy
Thank you again and please stay safe and healthy!
Enjoyed the read. The key it seems before walking through this process is starting the walk in the first place. Then applying your plan once you’ve committed to rebuilding you mental state. That has always been my issue in that like all bad habits we must first decide to fix them then follow through.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. The voice within is the voice of all creation and it guides you even when you are unaware. You are an extension of that. Just listen.
Wonderful advice Renee. I thought it very interesting that you brought up something that Muslims believe in strongly. It comes from the ‘Hadeeth’ (this one is something the Prophet said):
“The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: ‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although both are good. Strive for that which will benefit you, seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless. If anything befalls you, do not say, “if only I had done such and such” rather say “Qaddara Allahu wa ma sha’a fa’ala (Allah has decreed and whatever he wills, He does).” For (saying) ‘If’ opens (the door) to the deeds of Satan.'”
We believe whatever happens in this life, has been allowed by the Creator. So, this immediately puts one in a state of peace and acceptance.
Yes, I know the hadith very well. Thank you for your comment, Laurie. Much appreciated. I believe we are always on our way to becoming. It is important to trust that your best interests are being looked after by unseen forces, however you define them.
Hi Laurie. Thank you for the comment. I know the hadith very well. I do believe that we are all perpetually on our way to becoming and that we are being looked after by unseen forces. Whatever you call those forces matters less than the knowing you are going to be alright. I wrote this post some time ago, but today’s climate is in need of this message more than ever. I appreciate your comment. Thank you, again.