Today, I will not be sad. I will choose happiness instead. In fact, today I will choose laughter. The kind that starts deep in my soul and comes bursting out like a cannonball. A peal of laughter that echoes through the air releasing its contagion to the innocent passerby who can’t help but laugh too. Today, I will not succumb to the parasitic drama. I will not be a willing host. Instead, I will repurpose my energy and free myself. I will remove the restraints and let go. And really, we all need to let go sometimes. Don’t we?
Today, I will not be “that” person – “that” person who is someone other than who she is in her core. That person who I have worked so hard to discover. Today I will be me. I will nurture my mind, my body, and my spirit. Not because I should, but because I can. And because for so long, I didn’t. Today I will remind myself that I am resilient so I will embrace my resilience – and thank it too. Since, after all, it helped lead me to today.
Today, I will go outside. I will break away from my desk and free my cluttered mind. I will walk, I will listen, I will discover. I will trade in the sedentary for the serenity found on a hidden path. Today I will do this because today is a new day. I will try to leave the past there – in the past – but be cognizant of what was reaped and what was sowed.
Aware enough so that I can learn and build from it; and accepting enough so that I can let it go.
Today, I will be the kind, compassionate, and caring person I was raised to be but I will not be a doormat. And when the vortex of ugliness tries to suck me down into its dark hollows, I will do my best to fight back. And should I lose sight of this, I pray for the nudge that brings me back around. When I’m tired – mentally, physically, and emotionally – and want to give up I won’t. Instead, I will tap into my humor, my strength, and my gumption.
And I will persevere.
Today, it is likely that I will drop the F-bomb – maybe once, maybe twice or maybe not at all. And when I do, I will do so with conviction and prudence. Today I will do my best to check my shit at the door, but I will own it too. I will not beat myself up for the extra pound or the pants that don’t fit the way they used to, or for eating the mocha chip ice cream. I will not compare myself to the skinny girl or the pretty girl or the favorite girl. And that’s damn hard because we live in a world filled with judgment and perception. The mirror can be hideous only when we allow it to be so. I promise that I will try to cast those comparisons aside. Because they are not me, and I am not them.
Today, I will accept my imperfections because they are part of me.
Today, I will not let my heartache because you are gone. Instead, I will open it up to happiness. I will do so because a closed heart cannot heal. I will let it feel. I will let it be. And I will remember the good times and the laughter. But most of all, I will remember the love. Today, I will not let the emptiness and the loneliness that often accompanies that void override the fulfillment, the beauty, and the joy.
Today, I will not let the heaviness besiege me but instead let it be a reminder that even at the bottom of the murkiest water there is life.
Today, I will feel the sunshine as it caresses my face and embraces me with warmth. And when the sun tucks itself away to slumber behind the clouds, I’ll try to make peace with its absence. And when the rain comes, I’ll listen as it narrates its story. Today, I will feel the breeze against my skin and welcome the scents that it carries with it. Another season is fulfilling its promise.
Today I will feel joy as I watch my canine child stand by the riverbank, with his snout in the air and his eyes closed – a picture of contentment. And as I ease down into my Adirondack chair at the end of a long day or the beginning of a new one, I promise to try and let the world stop, if but for a moment, and welcome mindfulness.
Today and each day I will seek to remember my ‘why.’
And if I should fail or stumble or lose my way, then I will come back here to this place.
And I will try again.
Today, tomorrow and each day after I will try again.