There Will Never Be Another One Like Him Or Her

With each passing of a person or a pet inevitably leads to in moments of profound sorrow and pain the comparison to the beloved that has gone onto the next world to who might be a possible successor or replacement if you will. We then wistfully conclude there will never be another one like the one we lost even though the possibility of one greater exists.

How likely is it that this person or pet can have a successor that is greater and more fantastic than the one that was lost? The mind can conceptualize how this could be and what forms (size, shape, color, etc.) the “replacement” would be inclusive of. Being able to visualize the look that he, she or it will have is important to determine if the new can match up to the old. Imagine if you will what an “updated” version of the old model might be like in terms of intangibles.

The fact is we are not in a position to say or predict that something greater will come to be. Even in the most mundane circles such as a concert performance or ballgame that you deemed to be so tantalizingly fantastic to the point that you are convinced beyond the shadow of any possible doubt that what you have just experienced is the ultimate and thusly can never be replicated.

How is it possible with any degree of certainty to predict what will be? In the moments of grief, we are naturally inclined to internalize and verbalize that who or what we have lost is irreplaceable. What is the process that has to be undergone if you were to try to find another or have that event replicated? Where would you start your search and at what point after the loss or the conclusion of the event would you begin to start looking for a new beginning for one as stated previously that is far superior or at least equal to what it is you are in need of.

Our natural inclination in most cases is to hold onto something for as long as it, he or she is sustainable as once the physical is gone are we to accept that as being the end or as I keep inferring do we allow ourselves to perhaps delusionally feel all is not lost? What is the illusion and what is the reality that draws us to conclusions?

Bear in mind that emotions can get the best of us especially in times of sorrow and pain thereby creating a perceived need for another all the while being under the perhaps false impression what has been known will never be known again. What was felt will never be felt again. Practicality demands we accept the ultimate end as being that although that statement may not hold true.

The fact is we do not know (and may never know) if there will ever be one like the one that predated it. There is uniqueness to all of us or that event that cannot be exactly replicated. Certainly, there can be similarities between then and now but the use of the word never in the context of there will never be is premature.

In further determining there will or will not be another he, she or it that was so unique to that person has to be pin-pointed in detail. After all, if we are going to unequivocally come to a conclusion as to the validity of the statement that the title of this article suggests then the above is critical information. If you had to characterize that which was unique what would that trait be? Is it plausible to believe that particular trait in whatever form it took can ever be naturally or unnaturally replicated? Indeed this is as they say “food for thought.”

In the newer “model” are we to believe that new character traits will not exhibit themselves to the point that they rival the old traits in their ability to stand out? It is our innate nature to cling to the past along with clinging to what we knew corresponding to how we felt. That is why we need as much concrete information about the subject matter to allow ourselves to draw a conclusion.

When it comes to an event the same principles apply but they are harder to define due to the nature of that which is being looked at. I am of the belief that there are few events in the course of a lifetime that will never occur again. Although in the world of reality one would probably refrain from hyping an event to the point that although what was seen/experienced was special it is not out of the question for it to reoccur. G-d will serve as the final judge as to what will be in the future.

When we are in state of euphoria our sense of what it is we are witnessing or having just witnessed is heightened to the point where our ability to attach a sensible opinion to the event becomes corrupted leaving to open speculation that which was so unearthly fantastic was in fact quite commonplace and not worthy of being put on such a lofty perch.

An example of this would when Neil Armstrong (first man to walk on the moon)put the very first human footprint on the moon’s surface. At that time a collective feeling that what we are seeing has never before been seen and possibly may never be seen again marking this as a moment that was frozen in time. Subsequent missions to the moon were achieved making the first lunar landing although special since it has never been accomplished before somewhat of a routine event.

In summation of what I have presented to you for mental digestion is the notion (perhaps correct or not)is the statement there will never be another one like him or her. I have presented different arguments for each side of this equation for you to ponder. My own opinions are not totally reflected. How I feel is largely irrelevant as you the reader for whom I have written this article must render your own opinion on the subject matter contained herein.

On a different concluding note, I hope calendar year 2017 is one that holds hope for peace that is born out of greater human being to human being understanding graced with the dignity we are all striving for.


Joel Elveson
Joel Elveson
INDEPENDENT Executive Recruiting By Joel is an "up and coming" Executive Search Firm formed and headed up by Joel Elveson whose visionary ideas, leadership & creativity have brought to life a more "user-friendly" approach to recruiting. His clients and candidates form powerful strategic partnerships that we use to help you. Joel’s Firm offers Permanent, Temporary (case by case), & Temporary To Permanent staffing solutions for all of your Human Capital Requirements. Contract IT/Consultants are available if needed. Above and beyond they are experts (by way of their personal industry work experience) with mortgage, mortgage banking, middle-market banking, accounting, along with many others under the vast financial spectrum of disciplines. Their business goes beyond candidate recruiting as they also train, mentor and develop your internal recruiting staff with an eye towards helping you reduce the cost of hiring. They will also work in areas such as compensation, effective onboarding processes and alike. In other words, their business is to help your business by becoming an extension of you by filling in gaps that cause delay or waste. The recruiting methods employed by Joel’s team are time tested that results in a high rate of successful placements. Joel was trained in the art of recruiting by some of the top staffing industry executives in addition to the best recruiter trainers who to this day drive me to exceed the lofty goals he has set forth.

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  1. The death of a loved one undermines our identity and our certainties. Developing mourning means being able to construct a new structure of meaning for our existence, recovering and reinforcing the authentic meaning of what has been lost, and making it relevant to our past, present and future life.
    We must have time to “greet” and “cry”, because this allows us to resume the regular course of life and things in a balanced way.

  2. Hi Joel,
    I’m glad to join this discussion.
    In 2006 – 2007, I spent about a year deeply depressed and often suicidal. Thank goodness for my children for if they hadn’t needed me I would have gone that route.
    Anyway, I have since traveled far from that mental/emotional place and I have much to say about this topic.

    The first good romantic relationship I had ever had died in April of 2006. He was the wind beneath my wings. He saw me through many difficult and healing times. While we were together I, for the first time, was in a relationship that wasn’t abusive.
    I felt as if I would never have a relationship again because it wouldn’t be fair to a new person to always be compared to him and always come up short.
    I’d like to say a lot more but apparently, this discussion box has a rather small character limit.
    Suffice it to say that everything I thought back then about it was wrong.

    • Thank you once again for commenting on my article. I currently suffer from depression but I am not suicidal but I have thought about every so often. I have been married for 32 years but that does not mean everything is good as it is not. It’s okay to find out later on that your thoughts were wrong. Sometimes you can’t help feeling a certain way. Life can be difficult and cruel. I hope things are better for you now in all aspects of your life. You can always message me on LinkedIn if you feel comfortable or just comment as you have been doing. I have enjoyed corresponding with you. Please keep in touch with me.

      • Thank you, Joel. And right back at you. I haven’t been depressed in over a decade now. I finally figured it out. You think a thought, you get an emotional response. If the emotional response feels bad, your truth isn’t that thought. Find a thought that feels a tiny bit better, repeat, repeat, repeat. There are a lot of strategies that make it easier.
        There is research that backs this up, published in ’07 (Baumeister et al.) They don’t describe it the same way but when you read their literature review, what I wrote matches their conclusion.
        Even during hard times, I still feel pretty good, blessed and grateful for so much. I found developing the ability to appreciate simple things (the air I breathe, the wisdom of my body, sunrises, sunsets, flowers, friends, etc.) gives me a shortcut to feeling good. Recently my daughter introduced me to Karen Drucker’s music. That music can make me emotionally high. It’s not for everyone but it does it for me.
        Take care. Jeanine

  3. Loss is hard. Our instincts tell us to be loyal to the memory of the ones we lost. The best way to work through this loss is to stay active and talk to both strangers and friends. We often find comfort in this because we see a piece of those that left us in people that are still with us. We are all unique, but core pieces to our character and our passion can be found in others. We just need to search and be patient.

    • Chris, You are 100% right about loss being hard. Indeed it is very hard. We hurt and we mourn but sometimes the pain lingers. I agree with you in that a piece of those that left us are still with us. Thank you Chris for reading my article in addition to providing your comments.

    • Chris, You are 100% right about loss being hard. Indeed it is very hard. We hurt and we mourn but sometimes the pain lingers. I agree with you in that a piece of those that left us are still with us. Thank you Chris for reading my article in addition to providing your comments.

  4. ‘There will never be another one like him or her…’ It is very true. When one dies do we really look for someone ‘better’, ‘more talented’, ‘more loving’, ‘more…’? No, I do not believe so because we have all been given a specific gift in each person we know. We grieve when we physically lose that gift, but even in that loss comes a greater gift because then we must soul search, we must research, we must learn, how to stay connected in one way or another with that person, be it by living the lessons we were taught by that person, playing the music we were given by that person, looking at that person’s photography etc. To think there could be another like the dear person we just lost is almost insulting. To my pride? No. To the Creator who created that person so perfectly, like a snowflake, one of a kind.