What is it that has us think there is something wrong or bad about us the way we are?
Why are we constantly needing to justify or prove our worth to ourselves and others? We think we aren’t OK until we lose the weight, get the promotion, have the child, or get the grade. Many of us have decided we are bad and wrong a long time ago, and those conclusions are reinforced through our media and western culture that compares us to rigid ideals about what is best while polarizing our thinking and perspective about what is good or bad. We are programmed to believe that something is wrong or bad about us even though thinking these thoughts don’t feel very good. When we imagine ourselves as a problem, or burden, or broken the way we are, and that there is nothing we can do about it, we end up feeling shame about our very existence. This is the heart of what affects our sense of worthiness to have love, joy and even our right to ‘be here’ as we are. What if these thoughts about what is ‘wrong’ with us are not even true?
What if the ‘truth’ is we have a right to be here – because we ARE here? We passed that test of worthiness before we were born, and our being here is the evidence of it. What if the truth is, we are exactly what is needed exactly as we are? Each of us is totally unique in our experiences, perspectives and expression, and are a critical part of the whole just the way we are.
What if the truth is we are in the right place at the right time for what we came here to be, experience and contribute? What if just being our authentic self was ‘enough’? Can you feel the relief in these ideas?
Each of us is a unique expression of the universe, expanding and becoming more conscious of who we are and how we create our own reality at our own pace and in our own way. There is no right or wrong – only what is right for us. When we honor what is right for us, without needing to make others wrong, we can relax and just be ourselves instead of buying into our ego’s old limiting story that was built to protect us from a painful past.
One thing we can do to challenge and change this is to remember that the majority of negative/limiting stories that we tell ourselves were developed and agreed to when we were very young. The ego came in to help us find a way to make sense of our painful experiences by coming up with a story to protect us from our caregiver’s inability to give us the support we needed. We pushed away the painful feelings, and the story sits on top like a lid. Now, as an adult, we are very capable of feeling the energy of anger, sadness, hurt, fear and need that we unconsciously stored or denied within us. As adults, we can see that our caregivers were doing the best they could, even if we didn’t get our needs met. We are no longer 3 years old in need of protection from those feelings that would have overwhelmed us as children. As adults, we are able to feel the disappointment, the anger, the resentment, fear and hurt now, and let them give us their message.
Allowing those feelings (especially the ones from the past) to be responsibly expressed allows you to complete, heal, and release the limiting story you have been tied to. When the binding is released between the story and the trapped emotion, we can make the shift over to the ‘truth’ of who we are and start to honor it in each moment.
Once we allow ourselves to empty out some of the old ‘pool’ of emotions, the old limiting story stops being useful and it even stops feeling true.
Once this happens and much of the emotional ‘charge’ is gone, we can pivot into what is really true about us – we are exactly what is needed, exactly as we are.
Without the limiting story of being bad or wrong filtering our perception of ourselves and the world, we can see what really is true about us and for us. Honoring what feels best to us is of utmost importance and is our navigational ‘truth’ moment by moment. As we honor what feels best to us in each situation we encounter, we are being loving towards ourselves. When we are in this loving place with ourselves, it is natural to be loving to others – it is not selfish. This is how we embody the idea of being exactly what’s needed exactly as we are. This is how we relax and allow ourselves to reach for the next best feeling and thought about ourselves.
What will you do to remember you are exactly what is needed exactly as you are?