What is it that has us think there is something wrong or bad about us the way we are?
Why are we constantly needing to justify or prove our worth to ourselves and others? We think we aren’t OK until we lose the weight, get the promotion, have the child, or get the grade. Many of us have decided we are bad and wrong a long time ago, and those conclusions are reinforced through our media and western culture that compares us to rigid ideals about what is best while polarizing our thinking and perspective about what is good or bad. We are programmed to believe that something is wrong or bad about us even though thinking these thoughts don’t feel very good. When we imagine ourselves as a problem, or burden, or broken the way we are, and that there is nothing we can do about it, we end up feeling shame about our very existence. This is the heart of what affects our sense of worthiness to have love, joy and even our right to ‘be here’ as we are. What if these thoughts about what is ‘wrong’ with us are not even true?
What if the ‘truth’ is we have a right to be here – because we ARE here? We passed that test of worthiness before we were born, and our being here is the evidence of it. What if the truth is, we are exactly what is needed exactly as we are? Each of us is totally unique in our experiences, perspectives and expression, and are a critical part of the whole just the way we are.
What if the truth is we are in the right place at the right time for what we came here to be, experience and contribute? What if just being our authentic self was ‘enough’? Can you feel the relief in these ideas?
Each of us is a unique expression of the universe, expanding and becoming more conscious of who we are and how we create our own reality at our own pace and in our own way. There is no right or wrong – only what is right for us. When we honor what is right for us, without needing to make others wrong, we can relax and just be ourselves instead of buying into our ego’s old limiting story that was built to protect us from a painful past.
One thing we can do to challenge and change this is to remember that the majority of negative/limiting stories that we tell ourselves were developed and agreed to when we were very young. The ego came in to help us find a way to make sense of our painful experiences by coming up with a story to protect us from our caregiver’s inability to give us the support we needed. We pushed away the painful feelings, and the story sits on top like a lid. Now, as an adult, we are very capable of feeling the energy of anger, sadness, hurt, fear and need that we unconsciously stored or denied within us. As adults, we can see that our caregivers were doing the best they could, even if we didn’t get our needs met. We are no longer 3 years old in need of protection from those feelings that would have overwhelmed us as children. As adults, we are able to feel the disappointment, the anger, the resentment, fear and hurt now, and let them give us their message.
Allowing those feelings (especially the ones from the past) to be responsibly expressed allows you to complete, heal, and release the limiting story you have been tied to. When the binding is released between the story and the trapped emotion, we can make the shift over to the ‘truth’ of who we are and start to honor it in each moment.
Once we allow ourselves to empty out some of the old ‘pool’ of emotions, the old limiting story stops being useful and it even stops feeling true.
Once this happens and much of the emotional ‘charge’ is gone, we can pivot into what is really true about us – we are exactly what is needed, exactly as we are.
Without the limiting story of being bad or wrong filtering our perception of ourselves and the world, we can see what really is true about us and for us. Honoring what feels best to us is of utmost importance and is our navigational ‘truth’ moment by moment. As we honor what feels best to us in each situation we encounter, we are being loving towards ourselves. When we are in this loving place with ourselves, it is natural to be loving to others – it is not selfish. This is how we embody the idea of being exactly what’s needed exactly as we are. This is how we relax and allow ourselves to reach for the next best feeling and thought about ourselves.
What will you do to remember you are exactly what is needed exactly as you are?
Trying to be the best or wanting to show oneself above average is an unmistakable sign of insecurity. Although no one has to prove anything to anyone, there are those who think they have to do it and act accordingly.
It is precisely the insecurity that leads us to try to prove something and to justify ourselves before others, especially when there is a gulf between the way we see ourselves and the way we want to be seen. There is a deep desire to receive confirmations from others. Instead of feeling that nothing should be shown to anyone, one is invaded by the opposite feeling.
When this is the case, we constantly compare ourselves to others and even feel the need to prove that we are better than them in some aspect. In the end, however, we get an empty and distorted satisfaction.
People with high self-esteem do not feel superior to others; they do not try to prove their worth comparing themselves to others. They look good the way they are, they don’t try to be better than others.
The key to everything lies in self-love. Many believe that self-love is equal to pride, narcissism or arrogance. However, it is the opposite. The more self-love there is, the less is the need to boast of being the best and to despise others.
It is distressing when to validate ourselves we must build and hold a sort of mask and then depend on the impact it causes on others. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. If you feel this desire, it means that there is something broken, broken or wounded within you. The greatest proof of trust and personal strength is being oneself.
And the greatest proof of self-trust, is not caring what others think about us – only what WE think of ourselves. Thank you Aldo!
You had me Wendy at each of us is a unique expression of the Universe…
What an honouring of each person and their personal and unique self-expression.
A powerful and thoughtful read and honouring of the human condition individually and as a whole.
Thank you so very much. I thoroughly enjoyed what you offered us.
Thank you so much Maureen!
Wendy, thank you for writing and sharing your article. The question we so often ask ourselves is ‘what’s wrong with me?’ You are telling people that in essence that there is in fact nothing wrong with them. We need to feel good about who and what we are without worrying about the perception others have or we think they have of us. In my estimation, many people will find your article to be not only interesting and easy to read but also prove to be one that buoys them.
Thank you for the kind words Joel. My heart’s desire is for us ALL to feel bouyed by being more of ourselves❤️❤️❤️!
Your article will go along way to helping others feel that way.