There Is No Safety In Numbers

My entire life, I never longed to be rich, gorgeous, or popular…the only thing I wanted was to feel safe. No amount of riches measured up to safety. The type of safe where the walls are so high no one dared to climb them and so thick they were impenetrable. The kind of safe that kept me protected and untouched as the world went on around me and as I maneuvered around it.

I forever crave security because as a forgotten child, I was overprotected, and unnoticed from a mile away in every direction Still, I wanted to hide constantly and longed to be seen always but not for who I was forced to be but for who I truly was.

I felt like it was my cue, SHOWTIME! Is this mic on?

In all the protective embrace I received, I remained afraid to breathe, to grow, to move, to step outside my comfort zone.

So now I’m grown, I’ve raised mine through the fear which plagued me. I protected them. Made sure they wanted for nothing. I wanted them to have and experience all the things I did not.

I thought for years I kept them safe from harm, hurt, fear, pain when they weren’t safe at all; I wasn’t safe at all. They are full of hurt places, holes as adults that Momma cannot fill. I see their struggle and can’t breathe.

It’s on me! They’re unsafe within their sense of security.

Perhaps they will be blessed with the safety that protects because there is no safety in numbers.


Valerie Collins
Valerie Collins
Valerie Collins was born in Tucson, Az, the last of six children. She has loved writing since a child but decided to pursue a career in Orthopedic nursing. Shortly after her marriage and birth of her first child at the age of 22, she was diagnosed with the chronic pain disease, Fibromyalgia, its subsequent conditions, illnesses, and syndromes. Once the disease disabled her in 2001, she revisited her passion for writing poetry and short stories and has accumulated over 100 poems and spoken word pieces over the years. She became a member of the International Society of poets in 2002 and The International Who's Who in Poetry in 2006. She currently is a member of Realistic Poetry International, Who's Who Among American Business Women, and Women of Facebook Create. Her accolades include 2005 Poet of the Year. She was awarded both the Outstanding Achievement Award in Poetry and the Official Commemorative Poetry Ambassador Medal while serving as a Poetry Ambassador associate in 2007. She wrote a play entitled “Fix Me Jesus” in 2012 for Alabama 1st COGIC State AIM Youth Convention Competition drama category which was awarded second place. Currently, she is in rehearsals for her second stage play for the local playwright, Shawna D. Moore which will be on stage in August 2019. She is in the process of compiling a two-volume poetry book entitled My Poetic Life: A Memoir of Love and a book detailing her life with Fibromyalgia, entitled Behind the Walls of Silence. In July 2018, she created her first blog site My Poetic Life (The Book) as @vfurrmstheblogger to act as a launch for both books and it has taken on a life of its own. She also owns a small crochet business, Val's Gifts of Warmth, where she sells her handmade crochet items.

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  1. Sad story my friend. We must be strong for those we love.
    It seems that we always expected more from our parents than they gave us and it always seemed to come to us later in life that they gave all they had to give. My dad’s words turned out to be the roadmap that I used on my life journey. We must be careful in life not to give our children what we feel we didn’t get and remember the things they did give us that live on within us every day. Dad, I am sorry. I didn’t know then that you gave me all you had to give.

  2. Valerie, as you might expect I loved reading your article. The feelings of wanting to feel secure by way of doing everything to keep the world around you from causing harm or hurt are those I have felt. Different experiences in life enhanced that need. If you feel you have h made mistakes raising your children you are not alone. From what I have come to know of you I would be shocked to learn that you were not or are not a GREAT mother! Not only have I made mistakes raising my son I have made while continue to make mistake after mistake in my own life. The world is not a safe place by any means. Lurking around every curve or corner is the potential for hurt or harm. The only way I can be as safe as I can be (not to be preachy) is to be faithful to G-d. As far as being rich is concerned I don’t think it will ever happen nor will I go crazy trying to make it happen. We need many more people like you in this world as you have so much to offer to so many.