My entire life, I never longed to be rich, gorgeous, or popular…the only thing I wanted was to feel safe. No amount of riches measured up to safety. The type of safe where the walls are so high no one dared to climb them and so thick they were impenetrable. The kind of safe that kept me protected and untouched as the world went on around me and as I maneuvered around it.
I forever crave security because as a forgotten child, I was overprotected, and unnoticed from a mile away in every direction Still, I wanted to hide constantly and longed to be seen always but not for who I was forced to be but for who I truly was.
I felt like it was my cue, SHOWTIME! Is this mic on?
In all the protective embrace I received, I remained afraid to breathe, to grow, to move, to step outside my comfort zone.
So now I’m grown, I’ve raised mine through the fear which plagued me. I protected them. Made sure they wanted for nothing. I wanted them to have and experience all the things I did not.
I thought for years I kept them safe from harm, hurt, fear, pain when they weren’t safe at all; I wasn’t safe at all. They are full of hurt places, holes as adults that Momma cannot fill. I see their struggle and can’t breathe.
It’s on me! They’re unsafe within their sense of security.
Perhaps they will be blessed with the safety that protects because there is no safety in numbers.