Lighter, and lighter, and lighter. Have you started questioning thoughts and thinking?
We’re sitting under the tree of our thinking minds, wondering why we’re not getting enough sunshine.
~Ram Dass
Before I started exploring my psychology I was so controlling. I would get frustrated so easily. I was so judgemental towards others — because I was so judgemental towards myself. I expected perfection from them — because I expected perfection from me. And I would analyse their responses, that look, that absence of an email reply — critiquing everything, wondering what it meant, whether they were pissed off with me, whether I was OK based on whether they thought I was OK.
I didn’t even know it was all happening. It was just my normal. That was until…work introduced me to psychology-based coaching and a light went on! I remember the beginning of that when being asked normal coaching questions, I began to see that thoughts I had believed were definite and necessary and fixed in stone, were absolutely not that. And that with each one that dispersed there was a lighter feeling.
What I didn’t realise back then was that these old thoughts didn’t need to be replaced with new ones. At that time I would practice the new thoughts. I would have them written up to remind me of them. I would say them like mantras. So that I would learn these new, better, shinier thoughts, in place of the old, stinky bad ones.
I didn’t know there was a fresh supply of the ‘right’ thought for each moment — always available. On tap. And so thought became another thing for me to control.
What I also didn’t realise back then was that the lighter feeling I got every time a fixed thought dispersed was the feeling of me. Me in alignment with me. The feeling of the lightness of who I naturally am. Who we all naturally are.
I didn’t even consider what that feeling was. I just knew it felt nice. And lighter.
And so I kept exploring coaching because I wanted more of that feeling. And I wanted others to feel it too.
Fast forward 5 years, and so much has changed.
Thoughts and thinking are not a problem.
They don’t need to be managed or controlled.
They don’t need to be overcome, changed, or rewritten.
They don’t need to be pushed away if they’re ‘bad’, nor pulled in if they’re ‘good’.
They don’t come thick and fast, or feel overwhelming.
They are just thoughts.
And they are my doorway to deeper aspects of experience when that’s needed.
The mind is SO much quieter. With thoughts arriving perfectly for the moment, they’re needed. New ideas appear with the feeling of delightful surprise that something so good could show up. And energy is available to do much more fun and interesting things than manage or control thoughts.
As I’ve questioned my thoughts — at every level, from every angle — I’ve lightened and lightened and lightened. My psychological experience is no longer a problem. It simply is.
And I’m pretty sure there is still more available for me. And for you.
More light? Yes, please!
Which would you prefer?
Control… or ease?
Frustration… or understanding?
Fear… or openness?
Heavy burden… or light and bright?
I know which I wholeheartedly prefer.
Much love, Helen
