Prologue
What becomes of a woman’s mind that’s been told—
generation after generation—
millennia after millennia
to shrink, to silence itself,
to fold neatly into a drawer of someone else’s idea
of femininity
of obedience
of what makes us “a good girl.”
I’ll say what many won’t:
We don’t even know what true womanhood is.
Not really.
It’s been bent, broken, reshaped
under the weight of expectation
for centuries—
mutilated,
cognitively carved into something palatable
agreeable
subservient
unrecognisable
And here’s the truth that stings:
A mind that’s forced to suppress itself
doesn’t disappear.
It adapts.
It morphs.
It survives—
but not untouched.
What does a silenced mind create?
An altered self.
Unexplored brilliance.
Fragments of innovation
A version of womanhood
we were never designed to be.
This topic is very close to my heart as I, too, am a late diagnosed ADHDer – with the added challenge of also having been classed as ‘gifted’ since I was a child, hence my lifelong masking was even undetectable to me until I hit menopause and the true version of me unraveled.
This added curse of a double-whammy of sudden dysregulated emotions, frantic agility, and heightened anxiety left me labelled as too much, ‘crazy’ even, and my passion and insights were mistaken for instability or even anarchy. But the really good parts, those remained unattended, un-nurtured, and invisible. The strange this is, in my career, me thinking differently was the very thing that made the difference to create better strategies, enhance projects, and improving client handling. Yet it had to be delivered via someone else as a vehicle or in a muted form to even have a chance to be heard/seen.
This forced suppression of our spirit made me, and certainly women like me, experts in masking for survival reasons in a world not built for us. That kind of cognitive suppression hasn’t just shaped our lives. It’s changed our very brains. Altered our potential. And in the grand picture, costs society more than it dares to admit.
Because silencing neurodivergent women doesn’t just erase individuals—it erases insight, innovation, wisdom, and generations of untapped genius.
Women with ADHD have been told—directly and indirectly—that they’re too much. Too much, too emotional, too dramatic, too hypersensitive, too scattered, too too too … everything.
We’ve had to mask our innate gifts and instincts, dim our energy, and contort our identities to live a half-life of fakery to be accepted.
Does this list sound familiar?
“Why can’t you just focus?”
“You’re smart, but you never follow through.”
“Can you stop interrupting?”
“Why are you always daydreaming?”
“You’re so messy—get it together.”
“Do you ever think before you speak?”
“You’re too emotional—everything’s is a drama with you.”
“You need to try harder to fit in.”
“Why do you forget everything?”
“You’re exhausting to be around.”
This chronic pressure to conform—through relentless focus on our so-called “deficiencies”—has done more than just affect our self-esteem; it has fragmented our very nature and impacted our brain structures.
Ready for the science nitty-gritty?
Emerging research in epigenetics shows that long-term behavioral suppression can leave lasting imprints on the brain. In some cases, these changes can even be inherited by future generations, such as from the mother to the fetus. It’s not just psychological anymore—it’s biological!
Brain imaging in women with ADHD has revealed subtle but meaningful differences in how their brains are structured and how they function—especially in regions linked to attention, emotional regulation, and executive functioning, like the prefrontal cortex, basal ganglia, and cerebellum. These differences are often less obvious than those seen in men, which may help explain why so many women are overlooked or misdiagnosed.
Researchers believe this could be due to how ADHD symptoms show up differently in women—more internalized, more masked, and often shaped by years of social pressure to appear “together,” even when we’re struggling under the surface.
Delayed Diagnosis in Women:
- Underdiagnosis and Delayed Recognition: ADHD in women often goes undiagnosed, is misdiagnosed, or is only diagnosed later in life due to more hidden or complex symptoms compared to men.
- Increasing Diagnosis Rates: From 2020 to 2022 (go figure!), the incidence of ADHD diagnoses nearly doubled among U.S. women aged 23–49, indicating growing awareness and recognition of the condition in adult females. epicresearch.org
General ADHD Employment Challenges:
- Lower Employment Rates: Approximately 67% of adults with ADHD are employed, compared to 87% of adults without ADHD, highlighting significant employment disparities.
- Income Disparities: Adults with ADHD tend to earn about 17% less than their non-ADHD counterparts, reflecting challenges in career advancement and wage gaps.
- Underemployment Issues: Individuals with ADHD are more likely to be underemployed, working in positions below their skill level, which impacts their earning potential and career growth.Source> MyDisabilityJobs.com
These statistics underscore the critical need for increased awareness, timely diagnosis, and more tailored support for women with ADHD, especially if diagnosed late, to enhance well-being and professional outcomes.
What the World Loses When Women Are Forced to Hide Their ADHD
When women with ADHD are silenced, made invisible, and isolated, it doesn’t just harm the individual—it robs the world of their potential contributions.
It wasn’t all that long ago—back in the 19th century—when women could be locked away in asylums simply for behaving in ways that didn’t sit well with the men around them. What we’d now see as ordinary emotional expression, menopause conditions, or even just nonconformity were enough to label a woman “mad.” Some were institutionalized for things like mood swings, irregular menstruation, or reading too much (yes). The bar for being considered “insane” was dangerously low—especially if you were a woman who didn’t fit the mold. It speaks volumes about how deeply social attitudes shaped (and distorted) perceptions of female nature and female mental health.
Society pathologized traits that once led tribes. It dismissed minds that could have helped reshape industries, improve political systems, and reimagine economies. This isn’t just about personal healing—it’s about a cultural recovery.
Merely accepting ADHD women won’t do; we need to reclaim their strengths.
It’s time to rewrite this tragic story. The ADHD brain—especially the female ADHD brain—is not a completely broken thing to be fixed. It’s a way of thinking and being. And looking at how society goes, we need more disruptors, more fire-starters (remember the Prodigy song of the 90s?)
– The deep thinkers and feelers.
– The pattern seers.
– The rule challengers.
Oh, these disruptive (older) women who ask “Why not?” when everyone else goes for “It’s always been this way”.
Epilogue
I shall leave you with 3 questions … and this is in no way meant derogative towards men with ADHD facing similar challenges. This is simply an article focusing on ‘us girls’!
- What would our school system become if it was built to recognize and nurture the way neurodivergent girls learn, think, and create?
- How would our workplaces evolve if they stopped forcing us women to mask our (brilliant) minds—and instead design and nurture environments that amplified our intuitive, expansive intelligence?
- What kind of world could we build if we stopped silencing women’s neurodiversity—and started reclaiming it as a vital source of innovation, wisdom, leadership, and a viable addition to society?
