I don’t think there is a more joyful creature on this earth than my dog when he is carrying a stick. I get a real kick out of experiencing his exuberance. It reminds me of how contagious our emotions are and how sensitive we can be to the energy that is around us. Knowing this, I fail to fully understand how anyone can allow themselves to be surrounded by miserable people, or how they can willingly keep themselves stuck in a negative headspace. It’s not that I don’t ever feel down, but I have learned that turning my attention toward better feeling thoughts causes an energy shift in your whole life that makes every day that much better.
Here are some interesting observations I have had about misery and miserable people:
- I have never met a journalist who wasn’t a depressed and miserable human being.
- People who obsess over the news and all of the problems in the world often struggle with mental health issues.
- Only complainers enjoy the company of complainers.
- Depressed people are depressing to be around. They will piss on your fire every time.
- People who have a lot of rotten shit happen to them time and time again are toxic with negativity, even when it’s a good day.
- People who love drama, love to latch onto other people’s problems and perpetuate negative feelings such as hopelessness and anger in their victims.
- People who seek pleasure in misery can’t get enough of it. They will cause it for both themselves and others, prolonging the experience as much as possible.
- Focussing on your past misery will never make your past or your present feel good. Ugly is always ugly.
- 20% of miserable people want to stay that way. The other 80% could be taught to think differently. The brain is malleable and you can build new neuropathways to change your thought habits.
It’s so much better to keep a positive mindset.
I like working with people who want to grow and be better. I like being around people who can see the positive before the negative. I like knowing that the choice to be happy is as easy as deciding to focus on the things in my life that bring me some degree of joy. Some days, it’s a simple as watching my dog carry a stick when we go for a walk.
Guard your joy in this life. If you do nothing else, do that for yourself.
Push away people who are perpetually miserable. Push away people who want to remind you of your shortcomings or unfortunate circumstances. Be the light in someone’s day, instead. Give a word of kindness to a stranger or anyone for that matter. Help an old lady cross the street. Pick up some litter. Pay for a stranger’s purchase at a coffee shop. Take time to remember happy events in your life, whether it was a joke or a conversation or a big event like childbirth. Just find a place to go in your mind that feels good. Meditate at least once a day for 15 minutes. Count your blessings before you sleep. Go over all the fun moments in your day or week. Go to sleep feeling happy and wake up feeling happy. Appreciate the weather. Appreciate having a job, a spouse, children, pets, a roof over your head… appreciate what you have. Appreciation heals your mind, body, and soul. I said it before and I’ll say it again. Guard your joy.
Amen to all of this, Renee! Negativity is consuming and exhausting and it sucks the joy out of everything. This is just a great message for all of us as the holidays can be very difficult and depressing for many. Someone just told me that this year focus on making memories rather than wishes. We can all try to be a light for others, but it’s up to them to let it in. Bravo, Renee!
Thanks for this uplifting article, Renee! I love it when my dog hunts for treasures – what I call his sticks. Of course, he’s a Golden Retriever, so it’s in his nature to do so. To leave a stick behind would be heresy!
One day this summer, I took him down to the river behind our yard, which we both love. I sat on my favorite rock while he trolled the river. I noticed he kept dunking his head and coming up with a stick. Then he would run up the path and come back down. He did this several times. When we went back up, I saw what he did. He had them piled together – and quite artistically. It was hilarious, and he was so proud as he walked over and grabbed one. His stash for the week!
My point is that you are right. There is joy in this, and it is contagious. It’s easier, in some cases, to let the negativity monster take over. I know I’ve been there. But finding the positivity and embracing the joy is where it is at – there is no denying it.
Thanks for this lovely reminder today. It made me smile with joy.
I’m happy to hear that, Laura. It takes practice to catch yourself in a negative thought and then to turn your attention toward a thought that serves you better. Glad you are being mindful. 🙂
Thank you Renee for your article. I do agree with much of what you said. If we are in a position to bring joy to somebody else we should do it.
Thank you, Joel.
You are welcome, Renee
Rene, everything I have read here has made me think. You have expressed it so well, after all it is your job, your knowledge, thinking, and creative delivery. Your description of miserable people is brilliant. There are to my way of thinking another group of people locked into misery by pain and incurable mental and physical illnesses reenforced constantly if they do not have access to medication. They need our support for long periods of time, to lift the misery and challenge the neuropathways to change, bringing a bit of support and fun into their lives.
Pain both mental and physical is mind and energy blocking-lay destructive and relentless in these situations. Do you have a tried and tested method to help this group of people. I would love to hear and share it. As round the World there are uncountable people in need of such help, they have no money or access to medication or treatment just unending misery. If together we could help them to help themselves it would be brilliant, giving them back a bit of their lives.
I do have a proven method to help people change the talk in their heads and build new neuropathways in order to change the habit of thought. That is how I make my living. I cannot give it away for free. Besides, people are usually more committed to something they have to pay for. Nobody takes free seriously and the work I do is too valuable to be treated frivolously. One important thing to remember, Penny, is that not everyone wants to do the work (even when it is guaranteed). My methods are only for people who want change more than they want their misery. Most coaches won’t work with depressed people for that reason. They usually have difficulty committing to goals and are very attached to their diagnosis. It’s a bit of a catch 22. I do work with depressed people, but only those who are ready to make positive changes.
Renee – Spot on! It’s not is the glass half full or half empty – it’s are you thankful for the refreshing drink! Thanks for sharing.
Renee- I found a way to the messy middle of people and myself with an open-heart, holding space of profound compassion for whoever is in front of me. Everyone has something to teach me about being human, about all the pieces and parts inside of me, to integrate from the Witness-the inner Fly on the Wall who can silently without judgment observe, pay attention to another human being and to whatever is being “triggered” inside of me. I work to discern in each encounter from a place of pause first-go to neutral-to discern all my possible responses. What would love do now? That often is the question I ask myself? or What would compassion do know? or I don’t even think the question-it just happens.
I’ve been on a five year news fast. This has contributed immeasurably to the quality of my life. So has mediation, running, dancing, doing activities I love, and interacting with healthy, self-aware, vulnerable, honest, humane, compassionate people alongside noticing those who are a bit ‘crunchy.” I still choose to send the unhappy folks lots of love because they need it the most just as I did all those years I struggled-and I still grieve/love, grieve/love. I don’t consider myself unhappy or happy-I consider myself human and wholehearted, more integrated than I’ve ever been. I choose to live in the both/and of human existence rather than the either/or.
Sounds like you’ve got it sussed, Laura. Great approach!
Yes, yes, YES, Renee! Life’s way too short for unnecessary misery! And I have a friend whose gorgeous dog LOVES picking up sticks; you can see her strut her stuff with one in her mouth. She cracks us both up!
Live. Laugh. Love.
Thank you Renee – your points are excellent and I take them to heart. Happy holidays!
Thank you. Same to you!