Who is this child I hear crying in the ebony night? Afraid of the dark and afraid of the light?
No stars to be seen in sight. Introverted now and lives within this hard shell. Always looking for the wishing well of time stolen. A beautiful child is once carefree and happy. Sitting on uncle’s bended knee drinking sugared coffee. Looking for attention in a large family with parents working, leaving children to roam free.
She is the spitting image of me, only tiny and innocent, helpless to abuse.
Hiding away in a closet that monsters live within. I visit her in my sleep now and then. To remind her I’m a friend, come to protect her in the night. Turning on the night light of time.
Children shouldn’t have to go through what I’ve been. No wonder it’s so hard to make friends. People only pass judgment anyway, and the inner child says they wouldn’t believe her anyway.
But I’m grown up now and in control. Always having to remain in control to keep the monsters at bay.
I listen, and I learn, and I educate my mind. Looking for the reasons for the seasons of time. Comfortable in my own skin now. Living in the day and looking back now and then to remind me where I’ve been. So much I’ve learned in the hard lessons of life. Been married three times and never really a wife. Too much abuse at my front door. The cycle repeats as the world turns more. I finally said enough and spun around like a top.
No more punishing me.
Putting my foot upon the solid ground. Growing up at long last, I can see my mistakes in the past. I’m some to blame, that’s for sure. I’ll carry that cross and burden within. But I’ll never give up.
Yes, I will win…
Protecting to this day. That child alone in a closet with monsters. In the end, the monsters all die and go away, leaving only the scars upon my heart.
If you’re a survivor like me I want, you to know there are others out there and we all know how hard it is to walk the path, but we don’t have to live like victims anymore. We are set free in the truth and we are Survivors! Break the cycle of abuse!
Dear Eva,
I missed this the first time around. As someone who believes in helping people rise above the grave injustice of life which one being child abuse, I am pleased to clink a glass to your ability to thrive and share your gifts.
With a smile,
Darlene
thanks so much! Appreciate your support
It is a long journey to come to peace with what was. All that shouldn’t have been, could have been prevented if only… Writing is a powerful part of the journey, thank you for sharing.
Traveling to here, for sometime there are the threads that tie us to the past of what was, like wearing old shoes or clothes that no longer fit but pull us into the shape and patterns of movement and thought that we used when those were our “everyday” clothes.
Giving away the things that no longer fit us.
How my brain works: good will – GoodWill – Good Will Hunting… like in a dream there are connections here that could be mined for additional meanings on the journey from what I think about what happened (which often keeps me stuck back there) to being here now.
And, once here, now, what then? What if I could drop all the threads and walk free into the unknown?
What if indeed…Thanks for your thoughts. Yes I visit in time but I try not to stay stuck.
Thanks so much Larry
Eva, you bare your soul and to me you are brave, not without fear yet abundant courage. Strong Ink my friend.