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The Importance of Unravelling

“Be crumbled so wildflowers will come up where you are. You have been stony for too many years. Try something different. Surrender.”

—Rumi

Have any of you questioned your worth, beauty, value, dignity, lovability, gifts, or where you belong on this big blue swirling through space planet? Did you ingest the mean words of others as a child, teenager, or adult? Are you holding onto past difficult experiences or their artifacts?

Meditating daily for five years, I continue to notice many benefits including clarity about who I actually am from deep inside myself. Connecting with the part of me that I like calling my inner fly on the wall, the witness continues to be a joy. This fly now feels like a large loving spider-like Charlotte, from the children’s book, Charlotte’s Web. I now know in my heart and soul the uniqueness of my being and have processed through most of my past challenging experiences. Dignity, value, confidence, beauty, compassion, courage, love, and resilience all live strong inside of me. The rest remain illusions, ghosts, or whispers from the past.

All those wise ones who claimed that our treasures remain buried inside of us are correct. I now see this more clearly than I ever have.

Being on an archeological dig for years sifting through the sand and dirt, I finally discovered the bones of my gorgeous dinosaur self.

Told not to cry, not to yell, not to scream, not to hit, bite, or burst, you walk around like a bottled-up volcano’s ready to explode or implode, ready to hurt yourself or others around you.

You may have ventured down this path wondering who you really are as the dust settles. You may not know how to sort the lies from the truth of who you are or how to actually process through the waxy build-up of unresolved past hurts, pains, heartbreaks, or traumas. No one taught you how to process through difficult emotions or experiences. Many of us learned to bury all of this. Told not to cry, not to yell, not to scream, not to hit, bite, or burst, you walk around like a bottled-up volcano’s ready to explode or implode, ready to hurt yourself or others around you. Or you live disconnected and numb. You go through the motions of living, very busy in your mind, not really feeling your body and definitely not your heart. Barricading the hurt you also wall off passion and joy. Emotionally flat-lined in your fierce protection you can barely breathe.  You seek refuge in food, busyness, shopping, technology, distractions of all kinds to avoid feeling or resolving anything.

Then another difficulty happens in present time that sets off this unraveling of all related past challenges that look and smell like the current one. Falling down a cheese hole of DVR memories all opening up seemingly simultaneously takes you to your knees. Consciously choosing a different response in current time takes great courage as you see that you can no longer deny, avoid, explode, or implode. Now in a ball of complete pain, you finally scream, “Uncle!” You now know you must take the time to feel the shame, grief, rage, hurt from all those past experiences. Feeling the pain becomes the price of your freedom

The body heart mind soul connection becomes abundantly clear as you release and re-engage.

You most likely must do this in waves, in smaller chunks because it can feel like you’d cry your eyes out for months or scream into a pillow till you lost your voice. Maybe you’d punch pillows, rip up recycling, or smash coconuts for days. Some of you may engage in physical exercise as a pathway. The body heart mind soul connection becomes abundantly clear as you release and re-engage. Remember that emotions are energy in motion. You can let them go. Heave ho.

You might now pick up the phone to schedule focused time with a professional therapist, spiritual counselor, or life coach who can hold space and compassionately guide your internal cleansing process. Support of caring others makes a world of difference. Those who have been in many dark holes often know a pathway up and out. These amazing individuals can deeply listen, ask meaningful questions, and gently guide you as you find your own way out.

What you believe on the inside, deep in your heart, matters the most. You can clear out past introjects of other people’s words of pain and projection. You can clear out long ago traumatic experiences. These remain illusions. You are magnificent, beautiful, valuable, worthy, kind, compassionate, courageous, resilient at the core, in your heart and being. Clarity, presence, and freedom to flow all emotions from a broken opened heart that will not ever close from this day forward can become the greatest gift of all.

Everything you need to know about yourself is contained inside of the treasures of your being, the internal world of wonder, delight, turmoil, hilarity, heartbreak. No one and nothing outside of you will ever bring you what you really desire. Peace and grace live unshakeable in your soul when you choose to venture there. May you discover this for yourself on your very own journey to the center of you.

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Laura Staley
Laura Staleyhttp://www.cherishyourworld.com
The founder of Cherish Your World, Laura Staley passionately helps people thrive by guiding them to a holistic transformation of space, heart, mind, body, and soul. Laura knows that there’s a relationship between the conditions of our homes or workplaces and the quality of our lives. Trained and certified with the Western School of Feng Shui and seasoned by almost two decades of working with a variety of clients, Laura uses her intuition and expertise to empower her clients to produce remarkable results in their lives. Her trifecta of serving people includes speaking, writing, and compassionate listening. As a columnist, Laura writes personal essays focused on self-discovery, feng shui, emotional health, and transformations from the inside out. Laura is the published author of three books: Live Inspired, Let Go Courageously and Live with Love: Transform Your Life with Feng Shui, and the Cherish Your World Gift Book of 100 Tips to Enhance Your Home and Life. Prior to creating her company, Laura worked as a fulltime parent and an assistant professor at Ohio Wesleyan University. She earned a Ph.D. in political science from The Ohio State University. Her joys in life include laughing with loved ones, dancing, reading, meditating, running, being in nature, and listening to music she loves. She resides in Black Mountain, NC with lovable dog, Layla. Laura is a contributing author to the inspiring book Crappy to Happy: Sacred Stories of Transformational Joy

7 COMMENTS

  1. Strong Ink! This is the way I have always felt. I have been a wayfarer so much of my life only to find all the answers about me still lay on the Dirt Road of my Childhood. Simply profound post which cut through philosophy to a few simple words……Peace and grace live unshakable in your soul when you choose to venture there. May you discover this for yourself on your very own journey to the center of you.

    • Thank you so much, Larry, for your affirming words. Great to know I have not been alone on these adventures, that you, too, have been a wayfarer. Direct experiences tend to be amazing teachers…some would say experience is the only teacher. I appreciate your thoughts and reflections very much, my friend.

  2. Superb! Thanks a lot, Ms. Laura, for sharing these valuable thoughts with us!

    We, as humans, must find the true meaning of life, the very purpose, and also how to get there so we may get the most out of it. The power of meditation can never be fully emphasized. However, a beginning needs be made so we may start the process of transformation in the right direction. In the same vein, I would take the liberty to draw your attention to one of the blog pieces I wrote a while back titled “Prayers Granted:” https://www.bharatmathur.ca/single-post/2018/05/19/Prayers-Granted

    Here’s a quote for ready reference: “I asked God for strength that I might achieve. He made me weak that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity that I might do better things. I asked for riches that I might be happy. He gave me poverty that I might be wise. I asked for power that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I hoped. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all men, most richly blessed.” – Unknown

    • Thank you so much for your valuable thoughts about meditation, Bharat, and for sharing the link to your article, “Prayers Granted.” and the quote. I also appreciate your kind words about the essay.

      Often we do receive what appears to be the opposite of our requests because we are here to learn a great deal about ourselves, life, others, our emotional world, and for those who choose-our spiritual lives. I’ve become grateful for all aspects of my life, to welcome all experiences as these enrich my journey of being alive. Curiosity, gratitude, and wonder can take us on a wonderful adventure.

      I really appreciate all you’ve shared here, for taking the time to read and offer your insights. Thank you!

  3. And as always, Laura, you touched on a topic that many will connect to! Yes, I heard all those “don’ts” as a child; as an adopted child with a mother who expected / needed me to be very different from who I was and am … sometimes it was difficult for her and for me.

    When I was in my late 30s, I returned to college and I had to write a paper on something or someone who was difficult. I chose my mother, and when I got my paper back, the professor had written something about my painting a very one-sided picture of her and showing a lot of anger.

    Hmmmm. I hadn’t realized how much anger I had in me, and I finally began to understand — by thinking about HER childhood — where her needs came from. She wasn’t evil, but she was a narcissist. She needed everything to be about her. She was incredibly fearful, having lost her own mother at 7.

    It took me a while, but I finally realized why she was the way she was, and that the way she needed me to be had nothing much to do with me. I was a perfectly fine kid, just not the version she needed. All this allowed me to reframe our relationship and at least see her in a way that made it possible to let go of the hurts.

    You always get me thinking, Laura! Another remarkable article!

    • Susan, I appreciate your thoughtful reflections on your relationship with your mother. Isn’t it fascinating to begin to uncover deeper truths about ourselves and others once we are willing to look and be curious? What a beautiful shift for you to recognize you were a fine kid, that your mother’s words/behaviors had everything to do with her-and not much to do with the person you were (or are today!). You’ve described a beautiful, healing reframe-a cleansing of your own emotional world so you could clearly see your mom/your relationship with her from a fresh perspective.

      I’m grateful to know I got you thinking! I appreciate your kind words about the article and this very meaningful sharing from your own life experiences. Thank you!

      • Laura, ever since we met three (????) years ago, I’ve followed your journey with great interest. You always offer gold in your articles — to many of us each time. And this one just spoke to me.

        Yes, it was an interesting revelation that I didn’t have to hate my mother, and that I was basically a perfectly good kid. Pity it took so long to learn that, but at least I did while she was alive and we could both benefit from my awareness.

        Hey, I have an idea! Let’s use Zoom and at least reconnect that way! Whaddya say? :-)

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