“Be crumbled so wildflowers will come up where you are. You have been stony for too many years. Try something different. Surrender.”
Have any of you questioned your worth, beauty, value, dignity, lovability, gifts, or where you belong on this big blue swirling through space planet? Did you ingest the mean words of others as a child, teenager, or adult? Are you holding onto past difficult experiences or their artifacts?
Meditating daily for five years, I continue to notice many benefits including clarity about who I actually am from deep inside myself. Connecting with the part of me that I like calling my inner fly on the wall, the witness continues to be a joy. This fly now feels like a large loving spider-like Charlotte, from the children’s book, Charlotte’s Web. I now know in my heart and soul the uniqueness of my being and have processed through most of my past challenging experiences. Dignity, value, confidence, beauty, compassion, courage, love, and resilience all live strong inside of me. The rest remain illusions, ghosts, or whispers from the past.
All those wise ones who claimed that our treasures remain buried inside of us are correct. I now see this more clearly than I ever have.
Being on an archeological dig for years sifting through the sand and dirt, I finally discovered the bones of my gorgeous dinosaur self.
Told not to cry, not to yell, not to scream, not to hit, bite, or burst, you walk around like a bottled-up volcano’s ready to explode or implode, ready to hurt yourself or others around you.
You may have ventured down this path wondering who you really are as the dust settles. You may not know how to sort the lies from the truth of who you are or how to actually process through the waxy build-up of unresolved past hurts, pains, heartbreaks, or traumas. No one taught you how to process through difficult emotions or experiences. Many of us learned to bury all of this. Told not to cry, not to yell, not to scream, not to hit, bite, or burst, you walk around like a bottled-up volcano’s ready to explode or implode, ready to hurt yourself or others around you. Or you live disconnected and numb. You go through the motions of living, very busy in your mind, not really feeling your body and definitely not your heart. Barricading the hurt you also wall off passion and joy. Emotionally flat-lined in your fierce protection you can barely breathe. You seek refuge in food, busyness, shopping, technology, distractions of all kinds to avoid feeling or resolving anything.
Then another difficulty happens in present time that sets off this unraveling of all related past challenges that look and smell like the current one. Falling down a cheese hole of DVR memories all opening up seemingly simultaneously takes you to your knees. Consciously choosing a different response in current time takes great courage as you see that you can no longer deny, avoid, explode, or implode. Now in a ball of complete pain, you finally scream, “Uncle!” You now know you must take the time to feel the shame, grief, rage, hurt from all those past experiences. Feeling the pain becomes the price of your freedom
The body heart mind soul connection becomes abundantly clear as you release and re-engage.
You most likely must do this in waves, in smaller chunks because it can feel like you’d cry your eyes out for months or scream into a pillow till you lost your voice. Maybe you’d punch pillows, rip up recycling, or smash coconuts for days. Some of you may engage in physical exercise as a pathway. The body heart mind soul connection becomes abundantly clear as you release and re-engage. Remember that emotions are energy in motion. You can let them go. Heave ho.
You might now pick up the phone to schedule focused time with a professional therapist, spiritual counselor, or life coach who can hold space and compassionately guide your internal cleansing process. Support of caring others makes a world of difference. Those who have been in many dark holes often know a pathway up and out. These amazing individuals can deeply listen, ask meaningful questions, and gently guide you as you find your own way out.
What you believe on the inside, deep in your heart, matters the most. You can clear out past introjects of other people’s words of pain and projection. You can clear out long ago traumatic experiences. These remain illusions. You are magnificent, beautiful, valuable, worthy, kind, compassionate, courageous, resilient at the core, in your heart and being. Clarity, presence, and freedom to flow all emotions from a broken opened heart that will not ever close from this day forward can become the greatest gift of all.
Everything you need to know about yourself is contained inside of the treasures of your being, the internal world of wonder, delight, turmoil, hilarity, heartbreak. No one and nothing outside of you will ever bring you what you really desire. Peace and grace live unshakeable in your soul when you choose to venture there. May you discover this for yourself on your very own journey to the center of you.