Traveling offers a vast array of experiences that can often expand and grow an individual by merely being in the foreignness of a different culture and its customs. It is not the country itself can feel so foreign, but more so, it is the differing ways of handling challenging situations or even engagement of that particular culture that diverges from what we are accustomed to. Embedded in these experiences one can discover how open- minded one is and the willingness to accept and try new approaches.
When I was in Tuscany this fall, I encountered many such experiences and there is one that touched me deeply. We rented a fiat to drive through the Tuscan countryside and one afternoon, I pulled into a self-serve gas station in a small village. Furthest from my mind when I pulled into the station was that I was going to be challenged. This is important, for when we are taken unaware, or our expectations are such that we just know things will run smoothly, are often the times we become derailed when the strategy does not goes as planned.
My first challenge was that the machine would not work with my credit card, so I put a 50 euro note into the machine. After 32.50 euros, I replaced the nozzle, went back to the machine and was given a receipt showing the transaction and my change of 17.50 euros. No change came out. Now the real challenge began. There wasn’t any attendant, nor was there a phone number posted anywhere in case one had a problem.
Looking around, across the street was a small shop. I thought, this is a small town and the owner of the shop probably knows the station owner. I’ll just give them the receipt, they will give me my change, and when the owner returns to the station, they can in turn, show him or her the receipt and receive their change. To my dismay, the shop was closed. Now what?
Being stopped dead in our tracks at a derailed plan, asking “now what” can be an opportunity for growth or it can set someone back and old “go-to” patterns can emerge.
Most individuals I coach have a “go-to” style when challenged and this can often be a blind spot which prevents them from performing at their best. It is during challenges when we are pushed that one is under most scrutiny for leadership and problem solving. These are defining moments in one’s career. I was determined to not let this challenge get the best of me and I would find a way to receive my change.
A woman was approaching and I asked her if she spoke English. She did. I showed her my receipt, told her my dilemma, and asked her if she could help me. As we walked back over to the station, I had to tell her the entire story. She listened, proposed we find a phone number and call the owner. I told her there was no phone number, yet she had to see it for herself. Convinced that there was no number, she looked around. When we are faced with challenges and need the assistance of others, walking them through the steps that led up to the dilemma is crucial in gaining rapport. Gaining rapport is at the heart of engagement and collaboration. This woman was now vested in finding a solution.
She pointed at a sign that highlighted the fact that the owner returns at 3pm. In her mind, the problem was solved. We could wait until 3pm, 2 hours later and receive the change. At this time, a man walked up to us and through translation, he was informed of the events that led up to my predicament. He pointed out to the woman and myself that the owner does not return at all on Wednesday afternoons which happened to be today.
In my experience with coaching and working with teams, an argument can arise from one team member missing a piece of information. If this occurs, then the focus shifts from solving the problem to often wanting to place blame, and engagement and collaboration become derailed. Maintaining emphasis on finding a solution allows for healthy engagement and a positive mindset.
Without delay, the gentleman pulled out his phone, and after he hung up, took my receipt and handed me my change. The problem was solved! My face lit up, the woman’s face lit up, the man smiled, they were raising their hands up to the sky with joy and then the woman took me by my shoulders, pulled me into her and did the kiss-kiss on each cheek in celebration of the problem solved. The man followed suit, and kisses on each cheek were delivered with a joyful smile. For about 5 minutes, the three of us celebrated the successful solution before going our own ways.
This experience was rich and showed me how a different culture handles challenges whether with a stranger on the street or in their organizations. First, engagement is fully established through gaining rapport. Finally, when the area of concern is resolved, time is devoted to celebrating rather than moving onto the next issue. The steps towards healthy engagement and collaboration are:
- Gaining rapport
- Keep the main emphasis on finding the solution, not what went wrong and placing blame
- Be aware of your “go-to” style and develop new skills
- Celebrate even small achievements as it enriches collaboration
Maintaining composure is the name of the game! When the unexpected happens, the rebel within us rises to the fore and starts to take over. Cool headed individuals know how to remain calm and think on their feet when challenged with a dilemma, like you did Dr. Melinda!
Until and unless you had absolute control of your faculties and did not show exasperation, the other lady felt emotional attachment to try and help you find a solution. When the gentleman approached, he saw how well you had maintained you composure even in a foreign country that you knew nothing about. His best possible response was to give you the treatment that he would have expected for himself if ever pushed into a situation like yours.
All said and done, to find solutions to problems and/or challenges, we must first control the rebel within. Falling back upon our analytical skills in defusing the situation is the technique that helps like magic and that’s exactly what you did!
Congratulations and Thanks for the share!
A fine example of how people approach solving problems.
(1) Analytical – identifying the mechanics of the problem
(2) Emotional – defusing the discomfort and uncertainty caused by the problem
(3) Diversity – getting different minds involved in solving the problem
Very nice summarization, Chris. Thank you for your comments here.