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The Fourth Key to a Life Without Walls

3.  Discover your values – connect to the unlimited divine core

Before

When I shared my TEDx I truly thought I had arrived home after discovering my core value of curiosity. While I felt more at home in myself than I ever did, I am glad my mentor highlighted early that I must be careful I don’t get stuck there. He was right. Little did I know that it was just the start of a journey to the innermost place of my spirituality.

After

After discovering my core value, I knew that our behaviour was driven by our values not our emotions. When I then recognised the power of my unpleasant emotions to help me clarify my values, I fully emersed myself in the Emotional Logic idea of moving the inner dialogue from feelings and behaviour to values, identity, and purpose.

Following the signposting of my emotions, I am now able to learn about the shape of my values. I am learning that even when we call values by the same name, they come in different shapes and sizes. Our value set is like a fingerprint or an eye’s iris – it is unique to the individual. When I say I care it means something different than when you say you care. I also found that our values change their priorities in response to situations and people. Depending on the people I meet, my value system adapts.

Every time I reflect on my unpleasant emotions they come in a different pattern because they were triggered by a different set of values. Even my core values sometimes take a subordinate place.

I begin to realise, spiritually speaking, there are no fixed emotional patterns. Identity is not a fixed shape or image. Our values are not hardened bricks. Purpose does not need a specific environment, mission or vision statement. Values, identity and purpose seem more like a fluid that can take any shape as required at any time within the boundaries of our body.

The fourth key of trust in our emotions keeps track of all changes and alarms us whenever something becomes misaligned with our values. Learning to see our emotions as signposts to our values is transformational because it stops us from being emotion-driven without rejecting them. Emotions are not there to drive my behaviour; values should drive me. Values provide energy and safety as we relate to an uncertain world.

The more we let our behaviour be driven by values, identity, and purpose, the more we discover that life has no limits, just edges.

Sven Lauch
Sven Lauchhttps://eyesup.eu/
Founder of Eyes Up Training Limited, Sven is an emotional intelligence coach based in Plymouth, England. Systematically indoctrinated as a child in East Germany, Sven's life changed at the age of 15 when the Berlin Wall fell. Today, he is an emotional intelligence coach, passing on the skills that helped him break through limiting beliefs, unlock mental blocks, and find emotional freedom. Eyes Up Training Limited provides emotional intelligence training and coaching to help organizations and leaders navigate change and transform their workforce.

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3 CONVERSATIONS

  1. Thanks for drawing our attention to this interesting subject so inspiring and deserving the utmost consideration.
    Understanding what our purpose is, our “why”, is of fundamental importance. The starting point from which to make decisions and define objectives.
    And, the first step, without which we could never really move in the right direction, is to identify our values. We need to understand what things mean to us and put them into practice. Understanding what we believe in, what causes we are somehow attached to, what we prioritize. We cannot talk about personal growth without also talking about values. It is not enough to simply “grow up” and become a “better person”. You need to define what a better person is. Decide in which direction you want to grow. Because then our values ​​are constantly reflected in the way we choose to behave.
    All our behaviors are conditioned by the idea we have about what we think we can and cannot do, and what we believe is right or unfair. What we believe in directly determines the effectiveness of our behaviors and shapes our identity. We are defined by what we choose to consider important in our life. Our identity – the thing we perceive and understand as “the self” – is the sum total of everything we appreciate.

  2. Sven, your article perfectly presents the notion of harmony being the effective management of chaos. You present the notion I’ve expressed as repeatedly of not being able to think our way through a system built on vibration, we have to sense our way through it. Being able to stand or withstand the temptation to feel out of control or in conflict with reality; personal and professional arenas being the most important in transcending the perceived conflict. One of my mentors expressed to me some years ago that there really is no ‘conflict,’ just miscommunication. That may be internal or external and figuring out our core values, perhaps even faith, love and trust, are essential to the process. Thanks for such an eloquent expression of your own process as a guide to others.

    • Thank you, Zen. Your comment resonates with me in many ways. The founder of Emotional Logic based the method on Chaos Theory. We talk about the difference between our desire to control a situation with guilt and anger, and influencing it with the power of bargaining and acceptance.
      There is just one thing I would not do – replace conflict with miscommunication. That comes from a negative perspective on conflict. On my website, I have a short article where I argue that harmony is tuned conflict. The different tones of musical harmony are most of the time in conflict and tension with each other. But because of tuning, those conflicting tones meet on a regular basis. That is why we find them harmonious. Miscommunication is when we are out of tune. The tuning happens when each harmonizes their inner chaos and then find a way to create a score by holding the tension they bring.

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