Remember that song, What is Love? by Haddaway?
As I researched the song, I danced and twirled because that’s what the tune prompts you to do. Feel good and move. Makes sense, doesn’t it? Because love creates joy and movement. From the heart’s pitter-patter in the earlier stages to the flowing warmth of enduring love, the white rose of love.
This past weekend, I learned about the symbolism of the white rose. We think a red rose for love, coral for passion, and yellow for friendship, but I never gave much consideration to the white rose. Yes, it means purity, spirituality, and innocence, but I heard a florist describe another meaning for the white rose, everlasting love, beyond romance.
Romantic love lures us. A hypnotic draw to squishy feelings like s’mores melting on your tongue, daydreams of moonlight and starry nights, and, ahhhh, the pang of needing to connect again.
Sound familiar?
But what happens when attraction shifts? When the inevitable first bloom drops its petals?
In our throwaway culture, a complicated answer.
Let’s discuss love, and not just romantic. Remember the nineteen seventies movie, Love Story, based on Erich Segal’s novel? With riveting attention, we witnessed a tearful Ali McGrath wringing her hands, waiting for Ryan O’Neal, and murmuring love means never having to say you’re sorry.
Sorry, Ms. McGrath, I respectfully disagree, especially when a breach in trust occurs.
When betrayals emerge in relationships or friendships, the remedy requires an authentic apology, not empty words that fall down with a whoosh.
No.
Such attempts cause deep cuts or worse instead of a salve for rehabilitating the connection. The required treatment are heartfelt words and actions filled with a healthy dose of remorse.
To travel along the bumpy road of life, ridges or boulders appear and seem impossible to circumvent. What to do? Stay the course, a necessary element for the foundation of poured love, cementing attachment and loyalty. An unwavering force in the face of life’s unfairness and trials.
Let me be clear. I don’t believe anyone should remain in a marriage or any other relationship that involves abuse. No one deserves maltreatment. How can anyone refer to that as loving?
And other issues which create a schism, including chronic addictions or infidelity?
Second chances can happen but require nutrients for the withering white rose, including genuine change, hard work, and an irrevocable commitment to never-again dips into the toxic pools of betrayal.
What about other challenges to love?
Over the course of my career, I’ve heard stories from clients regarding people who divorce because of disabled partners or children. Excuses abound. They can’t handle it. Not fair. Now I’ll sound judgemental. How loving is that?
What about people languishing in nursing homes without visits from loved ones? Again, justifications such as I want to remember them for who they were.
Puleeze.
Difficult to see? Of course. Necessary to endure? Without question. The white rose of love.
Valentine’s Day reminds us of love, red and pink hearts, bouquets of roses, delectable chocolates, and singles, hoping for Cupid’s arrow to pierce a potential darling’s heart. Never forget, however, the origins of this delightful day, which involved St. Valentine, risking his life in opposition to the Roman Emperor’s creed forbidding soldiers from marrying. I’ve written a story about this valiant man’s determination to perform the sacred ritual until Emperor Claudius II discovered his defiance, imprisoning and executing him.
St. Valentine symbolizes the white rose, aiding people who desired courtship, the sacred vow of marriage, and commitment to everlasting love.
Cheers St. Valentine because without your ultimate sacrifice, this day of love wouldn’t exist. I hope you’re smiling from afar and holding a white rose.
