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The “D” Word


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Sometimes saying that you are disappointed is a very powerful statement.

Several years ago, I watched a hospital President speak with employees who messed up. It could have been a med error, tardiness for a shift, or poor treatment of a family member.

If an error occurred, she would invite the employee to her office and ask her what happened. After the employee explained the situation, she asked if there was something she had needed or help she didn’t get. They had a two-way conversation. Then she asked what she would do differently in the future and made sure the employee “got it.” Then she would say she was disappointed…the “D” word. She didn’t say she was disappointed in the employee but in the situation and was assured the employee that she was certain it would not happen again. It generally didn’t.

Speak softly and carry a big stick

I took this as a lesson in quiet strength and a class act in leadership. I watched time after time the profound impact on the employee, from being invited to the office of the President, to wanting very desperately to not disappoint her again. I’ve also watched leaders who speak loudly in situations of employee error as if in attack mode. In my experience, that is nowhere near as effective.

Emotions in the work setting are real, but they needn’t be demeaning.

I like to tell groups I’m working with that no one really wants to come into work and screw up. Usually everybody chuckles and nods. How an employee error is addressed goes a very long way to assume positive and preserve self-esteem. If someone is disappointed in my work, I am humbled and want to do better. If someone starts attacking my work, I am defensive. Perhaps I am unusual, but I don’t think so. Emotions in the work setting are real, but they needn’t be demeaning. Think about how the “D” word might make a strong, yet caring point for you. Here are some of my thoughts about the wise use of the “D” word.

Use it sparingly.

As with any technique, overuse minimizes the impact. If the leader is disappointed all the time, that sends a totally different message than I advocate here. Many errors are not “disappointment” worthy. Think about what disappointment conveys – it conveys a set of expectations that were not met. I also think it conveys a message that the assigned task was very important.

Address the situation, not the person

It is not about the individual employee, but instead, it is about the employee’s work product. Being disappointed says that you had greater expectations of the work product than what was produced. It says you believed that the employee could do better work, which is why you made the assignment. Employees really don’t want to let someone down, but unless they realize that their work did not meet expectations, there is little impetus to work harder in the future.

Make it a dialogue

As part of her dialogue with an employee, the hospital president entered into a mutual diagnosis to see why the product missed the mark. Was there something the employee needed? If so, why didn’t the employee ask? How could the error have been avoided? This becomes an opportunity to get to the root cause, which may lie outside the employee’s authority. Fixing this root cause will be helpful to avoid similar errors in the future.

Follow up

Disappointment is emotional and at some point, people have to deal with the emotion.

As with any constructive feedback, it is hugely important to follow up with the individual to see how they are adapting or changing their approach to a situation that didn’t go well. When told that they disappointed someone – a parent, a boss, a hospital President – people generally feel bad in some way on the spectrum of regret. Disappointment is emotional and at some point, people have to deal with the emotion. Having a future focus, a goal of doing what is necessary to improve is a positive means of working through the emotion.

Learning and Growing

This mutual learning, two-way dialogue fosters growth. Isn’t that more productive than conflict?

Carol Anderson
Carol Andersonhttp://andersonperformancepartners.com
CAROL is the founder and Principal of Anderson Performance Partners, LLC, a business consultancy focused on bringing together organizational leaders to unite all aspects of the business – CEO, CFO, HR – to build, implement and evaluate a workforce alignment strategy. With over 35 years of executive leadership, she brings a unique lens and proven methodologies to help CEOs demand performance from HR and to develop the capability of HR to deliver business results by aligning the workforce to the strategy. She is the author of Leading an HR Transformation, published by the Society for Human Resource Management in 2018, which provides a practical RoadMap for human resource professionals to lead the process of aligning the workforce to the business strategy, and deliver results, and writes regularly for several business publications.

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2 CONVERSATIONS

  1. Employees who make mistakes can frustrate their colleagues, slow down all their productivity and even compromise the safety of the whole company. Therefore, as a manager, one must learn how to handle the situation correctly. As a first impulse one could limit to correct the employee and warn him to be more careful to not repeat the same mistake. However, mistakes can represent learning experiences, if the mistake is made understood in the right way. The manager should therefore be good at making the employee understand where he was wrong, so that the same situation is unlikely to occur in the future and so on. For this purpose, it is also necessary to reflect on why the employee was wrong and to confront the collaborator after having made a lot of clarity in own mind about the incident.

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