The Awkward Love Affair Everyone Should Have This Valentine’s Day!

Accepting yourself is about understanding the flaws that exist. Knowing everyone has them. And believing yours are there to help you be a better person. Self-acceptance also means giving yourself credit for the talents you have. Your skills are unique to you. Even when two people have similar abilities, they will present them with their own individual style. Giving yourself credit where it is due, without over-valuing flaws, is the magic recipe to accepting yourself.


Forgiveness is a heavy word. It conjures thoughts of dark sins that deserve penance. Yet most often we are not forgiving ourselves for even the smallest choices we have made. To put it another way, forgiveness is your ability to let it go.  What might you be holding onto and not letting go of? It’s the things we hold over our own heads that hold us back. Letting them go will bring freedom.

You must be able to let go of the choices you have made along the way. These have simply been part of your journey. Without your past choices, you would not be the person you are today. These were critical to your learning how to become the best you. Letting go of any guilt you have for the past gives you forgiveness. This will allow you to have an open space for love. Forgiveness unlocks the door to the prison you hold yourself in. Finally making it possible for love to enter.


When we truly love someone, we believe in them. We believe in their dreams. We see the good they bring to the world and see the potential for even more. In order for you to love yourself fully, you must have this same belief in yourself.

It may be hard to create this belief artificially. However, I find that when we have a hard time believing in ourselves, we can at least believe in our hopes and dreams. Think of the person you are working to be. Then believe you can be that person. Believe you will make choices to lead you down a path to living the life you love.

Taking Action

Sure, boiling self-love down to three words may be oversimplifying something which takes years to master. However, complex problems are not solved without breaking them down to simple steps. As a child, I struggled with math for this very reason. I could never get past the long numbers ahead of me in order to see each step of the equation which needed attention to find the final answer. I have learned some tricks along the way. Now I find that looking for the simple in the complex yields great results.

To that end, I believe three simple things a day make all the difference. So, if you struggle with pulling this all together to fall in love with yourself, try this exercise. Every day, write down each of the three sentences below, filling in the blank:

📌  Today I will accept      _____________ about myself.
📌  Today I will forgive     _____________ for myself.
📌  Today I will believe in _____________ about me.

Some ideas haunt us longer. Forgiving one part of our past, or accepting a flaw we see won’t happen in a day. You may have something you need to write down several days in a row, or even longer. This is perfectly alright. Keep it on your list until you feel you are ready to move on. Or bounce back and forth between thoughts different day based on whatever is on your mind at the time. If you have a hard time getting over that bad haircut you gave yourself in middle school and need to spend a month letting it go, then do it. Acceptance, forgiveness, and belief are not ideas that come together overnight.

I will leave you with this. Who do you know better than anyone? Who do you have the longest history of emotions with? Who can you see all that negativity and still be madly in love with? Make that answer be you! We give others the slack we will not give ourselves. We see every flaw in our own stories yet we leave out the part where we are so madly in love with ourselves that we overlook them. This Valentine’s start having the most amazing love affair ever and let that be with you.


Andy Vargo
Andy Vargo
Keynote speaker, life coach, author and entertainer, Andy Vargo is all about helping you live your best life by learning how to ‘Own Your Awkward’! If you ever feel awkward about yourself, then you can understand how Andy Vargo lived the first forty years of his life. Coming out of the closet at forty doesn’t define him, pursuing his passion to help others does. During the day, Andy works corporate and school events as a motivational speaker and helps people master life changes as a one on one life coach. At night you can find him working stages around the northwest as a comedian making light of his journey with the gift of laughter. Awkward is not only his brand, but his style as Andy encourages each of us to ‘Own Your Awkward’ and be true to your genuine selves. In addition to authoring the Awkward Journal Series, Andy hosts the podcast, Own Your Awkward, co-hosts the Be The Better Local Show on BD Local and shares thoughts and ideas in his blog and video series available at awkwardcareer.

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  1. Thank you so much for this essay as that love affair with ourselves remains the most important one of all. I would add that what has helped me immensely on this journey is to cultivate the “seat of my soul” or the “essential self” or that “inner fly on the wall” that watches me be and do me. This quiet part holds no judgment, deep presence, and rapt attention for all the pieces and parts of me that flow to the surface-I’ve even given many of them names such as Happily Flattered Florence, Pity Party Patty, Cranky Cora, Awe-filled Aubrey, Hard Headed Hannah-most of them feel like younger versions of myself clamoring to be seen, heard, and valued-to be loved by grown up, more self-aware and whole, empowered, healthy Laura whose lived longer than all of them have. This Witness part of me has been with me all my life. It’s where the love, peace, and dynamic equanimity live. This Essential Self has expanded in the last 18 months of living in the mountains. Gratitude and joy often and regularly burst forth from her through all these other channels of expression… Yes, Fly on the Wall Laura continues to fall madly in love with all her inner pieces/parts/expressions/feelings/memories/foibles/failings/goofups. She can notice and laugh, cry, cheer more easily at those words, deeds, thoughts, choices, mistakes, and accomplishments and set this all down to be with the other wonderful Flies on the Wall Souls walking, laughing, crying, and falling madly in love with being alive and being fully themselves on this planet.

  2. Hello Andy, how appropriate this article is not only for the day it is referring to, but mostly for what it says about “Love”. I have found that true love in the sense is “wanting the best for the person you say you love”. I want the best for all those in my life whom I love. I agree that the longer you know someobe that love becomes deeply caring, while loving them every day because you want to love them the way God loves me. That’s just me. Taking a step back on the days that are toughest and taking in a breath of fresh air looking up to the heavens, I am feeling better and start all over again.,

  3. Andy this is a great article. Being older I guess I never thought too much about myself. I have spent a lifetime giving back to the community and working with mailman shelters. I found that truly made me feel whole , happy and complete. Thank you for sharing your insights.