No one is all that! Everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time. And everyone’s stuff stinks. However, when we find great love in our lives we don’t tend to see them this way. We tend to only see the greatest parts of what they bring to the world. Even if we step into the bathroom after them, we blow it off and pretend our nostrils aren’t tightening up.
This is, at least, up to a point. Eventually, we long for fresh air, we wonder why they can’t turn the fan on or use the spray freshener after their bathroom events. We start to notice every fault they have.
Yet we still love them.
We see them on their worst days. The moments they are not proud of happen right before our eyes. We are along for the ride on every one of their half-baked ideas. Even in the moments when they aren’t the person we know they can be, we stay with them. We see the mean, the sad, the pathetic, and even the downright ugly in them.
Yet we still love them.
But it gets harder. The longer we know a person, the more we get to know them. More of their faults come to light. Essentially they are harder to love. Or are they?
It’s not a thing to be taken lightly … when someone loves you.
~ Andy Vargo
Losing Sight
For while time passes, as we are discovering every shortcoming, we are also seeing every bit of good they bring to the world. We get to see the magic behind every dream as it unfolds step by step right before our eyes. We are blessed with the chance to witness the passion they contribute to the world in a way only they can. We feel their embrace when we celebrate victories together.
We lose sight of the negative.
Are we simply turning a blind eye to bad people? Not in a healthy relationship. Simply put, the more you know a person, the more you see both sides. The magic comes in when you get to a point where the good completely outweighs the bad. You see more to love than more to hate.
We see this with those we love in our lives. A parent who watches their child make bad choices, or huge mistakes doesn’t stop loving them. We don’t give up on our friends when they go through rough patches, struggling with life on every level. We stick with them because we love them even though they are not always showing us their best selves. We pick them up when they are down, hold their hand when they are afraid to go forward alone, and sit with them when they need a break to gather strength.
With all of this love we have to share, even looking past the hard times and downright annoying traits, how is it that there is one person we refuse to do this for? It’s usually the person who needs our love the most who we turn our backs on. Harsh, isn’t it?
The spark that ignites all great romances comes from first loving yourself.
~ Andy Vargo
Awkward Love Affair
If it proves to be harder to love someone the more we know them, then the person we are closest to gives us the most run for our money. This is where the idea of an awkward love affair comes into play. Awkward because you have to be willing to be madly in love, even when you see them at their worst. Awkward because every annoyance is a test of your ability to love. Awkward because love is not easy when it is needed the most. Awkward because this person is you.
That’s right, you need to fall madly in love with yourself.
Ever notice how others find good in you that you have a hard time seeing? Someone might compliment your looks, your smile, or your personality. All the while, you are staring critically into the mirror seeing nothing but flaws. Were you to be in love with yourself enough it would outweigh any potential shortcoming.
It’s hard to love ourselves the way we love others. First of all, we never get a break from ourselves. As the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. If that is true we are already climbing an uphill battle. We need a break from our favorite people at times. Yet we never have this luxury with ourselves.
We know everything there is to know about ourselves. Not just the slice of life presented to one group of our friends or another. We even know the deepest darkest thoughts which have crossed our minds on the bad days. We know the things we have done, and those that we have not done, but seriously considered. The more we know, the harder it is to love. Yet we need to love ourselves in order to bring our best to the world
We do not give ourselves the grace to be kind in our shortcomings. We see only what we have failed at and what we should be better at. It is only by love that we can overpower the negative. We must do this for ourselves. We need to see just how much there is to love in what we bring to the world. Only then can we awaken a love affair with ourselves. Whether you are single or in a relationship, your life will be better when you start this love affair. Your dream must come alive in your heart before it can ever see life in reality.
So how do we start this awkward romance? How do we find love where we don’t see it? This can prove to be a difficult task. But breaking it down to three simple words can take you one step at a time towards having an awkward love affair with yourself. These words: acceptance, forgiveness, belief.
Then one day I understood that I wasn’t broken … and that’s made all the difference.
~ Andy Vargo
Acceptance
Self-love starts with acceptance. You must accept the amazingly awkward quirks that make up the unique magic of you. Every piece of you is a critical component of your recipe. Consider the ingredients of the most amazing chocolate chip cookie. All of the ingredients have to work together to create something truly delicious. Were you to eat a spoonful of flour, it wouldn’t taste so great. Imagine how a mouth full of raw egg or vanilla extract would taste. Even the best part, the chocolate chips, is made even better by the addition of the other ingredients.
Andy this is a beautiful piece. Thanks for sharing it.
Thank you so much for this essay as that love affair with ourselves remains the most important one of all. I would add that what has helped me immensely on this journey is to cultivate the “seat of my soul” or the “essential self” or that “inner fly on the wall” that watches me be and do me. This quiet part holds no judgment, deep presence, and rapt attention for all the pieces and parts of me that flow to the surface-I’ve even given many of them names such as Happily Flattered Florence, Pity Party Patty, Cranky Cora, Awe-filled Aubrey, Hard Headed Hannah-most of them feel like younger versions of myself clamoring to be seen, heard, and valued-to be loved by grown up, more self-aware and whole, empowered, healthy Laura whose lived longer than all of them have. This Witness part of me has been with me all my life. It’s where the love, peace, and dynamic equanimity live. This Essential Self has expanded in the last 18 months of living in the mountains. Gratitude and joy often and regularly burst forth from her through all these other channels of expression… Yes, Fly on the Wall Laura continues to fall madly in love with all her inner pieces/parts/expressions/feelings/memories/foibles/failings/goofups. She can notice and laugh, cry, cheer more easily at those words, deeds, thoughts, choices, mistakes, and accomplishments and set this all down to be with the other wonderful Flies on the Wall Souls walking, laughing, crying, and falling madly in love with being alive and being fully themselves on this planet.
Hello Andy, how appropriate this article is not only for the day it is referring to, but mostly for what it says about “Love”. I have found that true love in the sense is “wanting the best for the person you say you love”. I want the best for all those in my life whom I love. I agree that the longer you know someobe that love becomes deeply caring, while loving them every day because you want to love them the way God loves me. That’s just me. Taking a step back on the days that are toughest and taking in a breath of fresh air looking up to the heavens, I am feeling better and start all over again.,
Andy this is a great article. Being older I guess I never thought too much about myself. I have spent a lifetime giving back to the community and working with mailman shelters. I found that truly made me feel whole , happy and complete. Thank you for sharing your insights.