Quality of our life is based on the quality of our relationships. Let’s think about that. Most of our success or failure is based on the level and quality of the people with whom we associate. I end every one of my podcasts, TV and radio shows with this statement: “None of us is in the alone, and the secret to walking on water is to know where the rocks are.”
No one succeeds alone. Relationships provide support, collaboration, and guidance. Building and sustaining positive relations with people who have been where we want to go provides the support system needed for success. Healthy relationships boost emotional well-being, confidence and resilience.
How to Build Positive Relationships:
Selecting the right people to include in our inner circle is difficult. There are many people who talk a good game, but do not deliver. We see so much negativity and vitriol today. Did you ever notice that power who are negative, or cynical or angry usually have the most to say? They are easy to identify because they are constantly complaining. It doesn’t matter the topic; they will always find something negative.
Avoiding these people reminds me of an old story. Don’t argue with negative people because it is like arguing with a pig. You will both get dirty, but the pig likes it. These people seem to enjoy being miserable and as we have all heard, misery loves company. When you see these people turn and run away.
Then we have the scammers. How many LinkedIn messages do you receive every day from someone who claims they have the magic potion to solve your problems or increase your market share or have created a new and revolutionary product or service? All you must do is send them money.
Doesn’t this sound like the email we have all received where an international prince needs $2,000 so he can send you $10,000? (which is the amount of money one can bring into the United States without declaring or notifying one of several government agencies).
Now don’t get me wrong, we can make great connections through LinkedIn and I am not picking on international princes.
We all go through a learning curve as we determine the right people to have as friends, advisors, or mentors. We step on some landmines along the way.
For example: I am a judge and mentor with the University of California Entrepreneurship Academy. These are the 10 major research universities in California. When I was approached to be a mentor in 2020, I learned that the UC system had 19,224 patents and licenses. My response was, “Wow this is very impressive. Why are you talking to me.” The answer surprised me. “60% of our revenue comes from five patents.” I said “5% right?” “No five patents generate 60% of our revenue. We have some of the best minds in the world, yet we are not successful moving from the lab or research center to the business world.” I asked, “I am sure you have research to try and determine why this failure rate is so high.” The professor said we came up with five reasons. Any guesses on what the number one reason was?
- No market need – this is a nice way of saying you didn’t pass the “who cares” test. Great science, or medicine or technology but it does not solve a business need – so no one cares.
- Not enough money
- Not the right team
- Poor execution
- Lost to competition
I suggested adding a 6th reason – they don’t know what they don’t know. What does that mean?
Let me explain. The Academy set up two meeting between the “student businesses and various mentors.” Each mentor spent 15 minutes with each company. With each company I would ask, “Who are your advisors or strategic partners?” In nearly every case the answers were a professor, a fraternity brother or sorority sister, a classmate, or a family member who ran a small business years ago. While these are wonderful people, they haven’t designed, developed, funded or scaled a business. These aspiring entrepreneurs had created a one-dimensional team. They all understood the science, medicine, or technology but not if or how it would bring value to the market. They understand theory which is the way things should be; but not the reality which is the way things are!
One of my best-selling books is The secret to walking on water is to know where the rocks are – and the people who know where the rocks are have been where you want to go. Invest in authentic connections with people who have been where you want to go. These are the people who will uplift, inspire, and challenge you because they know what it takes.
The Power of a Support Network:
Let me give you an example: How many of you have ever thought, “I should write a book.” I bet most of you have. Most aspiring authors think how hard can it be, you write a book, put in on Amazon, people buy it and you become rich.
As someone who has written nine books, I can tell you the “if you write they will come” model does not work. This is like the Entrepreneur Academy businesses who believed the myth that the science, medicine, and technology alone would lead to success.
As hard as is it to write a book, marketing/promoting and selling your book is even harder. Without a proven marketing & promotion plan prepare for disappointment.
Let’s look at the facts:
- 200 million Americans say they want to publish a book.
- 4 million books were released last year. That is 77,000 a week, 11,000 per day.
- Most published authors will likely sell around 250 books or less.
- The average published author earns less than $500 from books sales.
While becoming a published author is a major ego boost, very few receive income or effectively leverage their book to expand their brand and business. Far too many new authors equate likes, followers, and social media connections with increased revenue. Nothing is further from the truth. The great UCLA basketball coach John Wooden said “Never confuse activity with results.”
The key is to surround yourself with people who have been where you want to go. Again, like we said with the Entrepreneur Academy, keep in mind, many people, friends, family, colleagues, associates, will offer their opinions and ideas on how the author should release and market their book or business or what you should do with your life.
We all have been told something like you should do what my cousins, uncle’s sister’s, brother’s friend did. Most have never created and executed a bestselling book campaign or built an organization. Why would you listen to them!
Dr. Deborah Forrest Ph.D
Dr. Deborah Forrest is a highly accomplished scientist. She wrote two books one in 2002 and the other in 2013 addressing Encounters with the Spiritual Dimensions of Alzheimer’s, and Connecting to the Inner World of Dementia by using laser technology for the treatment of dementia. She had scientific evidence to support all her assertions and, in her words, “They were well received by Alzheimer/Dementia geeks, but they didn’t sell very well.” – (her words)
She contacted me and my partner Melissa Van Oss as she prepared to write her next book – The Cosmic River. Melissa and I have created The Trust the Process Book Marketing & Promotion Program which has achieved 15 consecutive #1best-selling and 5 award winning books in 24 months.
We designed, created, and executed multi-phased 90-day campaign for Dr. Deborah. The Cosmic River achieved Amazon #1 ranking in 13 different categories (New Release & Best Seller). The book remained #1 in at least one category for 30 consecutive days. Dr. Deborah is now leveraging her best seller status to conduct on-site workshops, speaking engagements and to sell merchandize.
Working with people who have been where you want to go was a tremendous success for Dr. Deborah.
Sometimes the Alligators Win
Here is another example:
I was a high-tech executive for nearly twenty-five years. We were working on a project with on Oil Company in Louisiana. Since I was going to be there over the weekend one of the oil executives said “Frank, we are going to take you on the tour of the Bayou Saturday.”
When I arrived at the location, I realized that Bayou is code for “Alligator Infested Swamp.” One of the oil executives must has noticed my fear and said to me, “Frank a guide will be joining us in about five minutes.” Then he said something I will never forget. “I have lived in Louisiana my entire life, and I never go into the Bayou without a guide for two reasons; first, they know what they are doing and where to go. Second and most important, they know where NOT to go and what NOT to do. Every year we have people come down here who don’t want to pay for a guide or expertise. They go into the water alone, and unfortunately sometimes the alligator’s win.”
I hear the same story from many entrepreneurs, students, professional groups, and organizations. They say we are smart people we don’t need to pay for a guide or someone who has done this before, we’ll figure it out. So, they throw money down too many rabbit holes trying to piece meal a strategy. After they run out of money chasing their “I can do it myself model,” they give me a call. By that time, it is often too late. The Alligators won.
The Synergy between Resiliency, Confidence, and Relationships
Success is not reserved for a select few—it is accessible to anyone willing to cultivate resiliency, confidence, and relationships. Winston Churchill said “Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.”
- Resiliency allows you to rise after setbacks.
- Confidence gives you the courage to take action and persevere.
- Positive Relationships provide the foundation of support to sustain progress.
What’s next? – Here are three things I want you to do.
- Reflect on a recent setback and reframe it as an opportunity for growth. What happened? What did you learn? How will this make you better?
- Take one action to build confidence this week. It can be a small thing like getting up 1 hour earlier to work out or mediate or visualize the successes the day will bring.
- Reach out to someone and invest in strengthening that relationship. This can be one of your advisors, mentor, or a friend who believes in you.
In closing remember this:
Resiliency, confidence, and relationships are within your reach. Embrace them, nurture them, and watch as they propel you toward success. Trust the process—you are capable of extraordinary things.
