Confidence is the belief in your ability to achieve your goals, take risks, and persevere. Remember this – is if you are not confident and you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will either. Confidence matters because it enables action, fuels motivation, and encourages risk-taking—essential for success. Confidence is built through small steps, and small victories as we go through life. Celebrate these small victories because the world is full of doubters and haters.
For example, during the 1980 Winter Olympics, the Russian hockey team was by far the best in the world. They had not lost to any team in over 2 decades. The US Olympic team has lost to the Russians three times building up to the Olympics. The Russians were like the Superbowl champions playing a junior high team.
When the two met in the semi-finals, it was a foregone conclusion the Russians would win again. But that didn’t happen. The US team thought they could win. They kept the game close and they started to believe they could win. It was one of the biggest upsets in sports history. It was called the Miracle on Ice. If you have not seen it, stream the Miracle on Ice.
Let me give you another example: I did turnarounds of mid-sized high-tech companies for several years. One organization I took over had lost $500,000 three years in a row. That is $41,666 a month. The staff was discouraged and defeated and most were looking for other jobs. My role was to stop the bleeding and return to profitability or liquidate the business.
I met with every employee one-on-one and asked them to tell me the good, the bad, and the ugly. The bad and the ugly came out quickly. Then I would ask them, “If you had the ability to change one thing to improve your area, what would it be?” Most of the employees were shocked and had that “deer in the headlight” look. Some had no answer. Some said, “No one has ever asked me that before.” “I am asking you now. You have been here five years and I have been here five minutes. You know more about the operation than me.” Some offered a suggestion to which I said, “That sounds good. Let’s give it a try and I want you to run it.” Trusting the employees was a small victory.
Every month we would do a recap. The first month we lost $38,000, not good but it was an improvement. The next month we lost $30,000, and the third month $25,000. More small victories. I would bring in pizza and we celebrated. This pattern continued until we finally had a profitable month and by the end of year two, we made $2 million in net income after taxes.
Small victories create a positive momentum which it turn changes the trajectory of our life, our business, and our relationships.
Life throws so many barriers and obstacles that can derail our hopes and plans. For example, not getting a job or a promotion, losing a job, divorce, ending a relationship, or our start-up idea fails.
The greatest impact of barriers and obstacles is the damage they can cause to our mindset. More times than not, confidence is destroyed between our ears. Things like fear of failure, imposter syndrome, and self-doubt are all forms of self-sabotage. I’m not worthy starts to erode both our confidence and resiliency. Be honest, we have all been here.
Give yourself time to grieve or mourn. Recall all the small victories you have accomplished. This will help you change your I’m not worthy self-talk back to yes, I can and yes, I will self-talk.
Moving alone to the Yes, I can and yes, I will mindset sounds good in theory, but in reality, we cannot do this alone. This is why building and sustaining relationships with positive people is so important.
Surround yourself with people who recognize your potential and support you along your journey. People who have been where you want to go. People who are aware of and remind you of all the small victories you have accomplished.
These people can be a parent, teacher, coach, mentor, friend, or even a co-worker. During the hard times, having positive relationships with people who have your back, help you grieve, and continue to provide encouragement makes the difference in whether despite your fear, you pick up the pieces and keep moving forward, or simply give up.
Let’s look at some examples of people who were told they were not worthy, picked up the pieces, and kept moving forward:
- Walt Disney – was fired from the Kansas City Star in 1919 because, his editor said, he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.”
- Oprah Winfrey – was an evening news reporter and apparently got fired because she couldn’t separate her emotions from her stories. Her wildly successful empire is built on sharing emotions.
- Jerry Seinfeld – was fired after a poor performance on his very minor role on the sitcom Benson. Apparently, no one told him he had been fired and he only found out about it when he showed up for a read-through and discovered his part was missing from the script.
- Elvis Presley – After a performance at Nashville’s Grand Ole Opry, Elvis was told by the concert hall manager that he was better off returning to Memphis and driving trucks (his former career).
- Bill Gates – When he dropped out of Harvard, he started a business with Paul Allen called Traf-O-Data, which flopped. Luckily, they tried their hand at business again, and this time Microsoft was born.
- Steven Spielberg – Was rejected from the University of Southern California School of Theater, Film and Television three times. He was eventually accepted by another school, which he dropped out of to pursue directing. It wasn’t until 2002, that Spielberg finally completed his BA.
- Michael Jordan – He was cut from his high school basketball team. He once said, “I have missed over 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game-winning shot, and I have missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
Now how did these people go from being fired to icons in their industry? Yes, they are resilient, and yes, they are confident, but most importantly, they put in the time, the work, and the effort to improve their craft.
Excellence does not just happen. It starts with a dream, but a dream without action is nothing more than a wish. Kobe Bryant once said, “Confidence comes from preparation.” It comes from all the hours spent behind the scenes reading, studying, and researching. It comes from visualizing your ultimate goal and then being aware of and having contingency plans to address potential pitfalls.
They discovered what they were good at, and what they were not. They continued to improve the areas that were good and found coaches advisors or employees to shore up their weaknesses.
Let me give you an example. Every time I took over a company as CEO, the first thing I did was to hire a first-class Chief Financial Officer. Why? I knew I was not good at the art of accounting and secondly, I hated doing it. Confidence does not come from being the smartest person in the room. It comes from putting yourself in the best position to be successful and surrounding yourself with people who are better than you in the areas where you are lacking.
Think about a powerful scene your favorite actor/actress performed. Give me some names! Do you remember Jack Nicholson in the movie A Few Good Men? You know the scene, Tom Cruz yells “I want the truth.” Jack answers – “You can’t handle the truth.”
That scene probably lasted a couple of minutes, right? Those actors spent years preparing for this role. (Acting school, reading the script, understanding the character’s personality and behavior, creating the necessary emotion, rehearsing the scene at table reads and, on the set, coordinating with the other actor(s) in the scene.) They were ready, yet there were likely multiple takes before the actors got it right. Going back to Kobe Bryant, “Confidence comes from preparation.”
Key Takeaway: Confidence is not about having all the answers—it’s about trusting your ability to figure things out and putting in the work.
