I exchanged comments with Jean L. Serio, in which I ended by writing a question that popped up in my mind – Are leaders and managers subject to the immediate effect? Like people are first-cost-minded are they also first-thought-minded?
I will share a relevant story before I answer this question.
A manager of a company hated an employee from the moment his eyes fell on him. He thought of him as cruel and hard to work with. He also hated his skin color. No matter how the employee tried to reconcile his relationship with his manager he failed.
One day the manager had to be rushed to a hospital for an urgent surgery. However, a problem emerged as the managers’ bold was O minus which was not available. The employee knew about the need of his manager for O- blood which was his blood type. He rushed to the hospital and donated blood. The surgery was then operated successfully.
The manager was embarrassed to know who volunteered his blood. He then gained the wisdom that the one true test for leaders is their ability to resist the temptation of their first effect.
We should not judge people by their appearances.
The manager story reminded me of the red rose and cactus story, which I read a while ago:
A rose, proud of her beauty, grew alongside an ugly cactus. Despite attempts to stop her from bullying, the rose was too swayed by her beauty. As spring and summer arrived, the rose’s color wilted. A sparrow drank water from the cactus, and the rose felt ashamed to ask for help. However, the cactus agreed, and the sparrows watered the rose, restoring its beauty.
Remember people have a value much greater than their appearances. Those values surface when you are in most need of them. You never know whom you consider weak may be the rescuer of your life.
Grasping the essence of reality is often difficult, so appearance can be deceiving. Aeschylus and Seneca said it and over time it has become an obvious consideration, perhaps banal, however, too often ignored.
The first time we meet someone, in a few seconds, we form an idea of him or her. It seems that certain physical characteristics inspire a sense of reliability in most people.
This feeling, however, says little or nothing about the personality of the person we judge.
Appearance is the way we see and perceive others, the clothes they wear, the way they speak, their gestures. But often all this does not really reflect what they would like to express about themselves. When we really know a person, however, we share our thoughts with them and we are able to discover what their personality is and what makes them different from others.
Aldo Delli Paoli Excellent coverage of appearances and their deception is what you present my friend.
People realize the power of first appearances and become so keen to show their lustier in the first encounter. Surprisingly and paradoxically they are the same people who get blown away by the attraction of the appearances of others.
‘This feeling, however, says little or nothing about the personality of the person we judge”. And yet we keep repeating the same mistake.
Thank you my friend for your wise coverage of appearances and their effect.
Thanks my friend; your kind words are appreciated.
Brother Ali,
I love your analogy comparing initial cost versus lifetime cost to judging our fellow humans on appearances or first impressions. We are each deeper than our skin.
The compassionate “other” who gives his blood to save the bigot tells a story of hidden heart. The rose and cactus story gets to underlying purpose.
How to stop as we purchase a cheap or expensive good and inquire how long it will last or maintenance cost? How to suspend our judgement of others, listen and look deeper?
Sometimes on rare days I ponder serendipity and synchronicity in real time and ask Who is this person? Why am I meeting them today?
On too many other days I check my watch or phone and march on.
Thank you for the reminder of those rare days that I might improve myself and increase their frequency.
Alan Culler we are all vulnerable to the attraction of the first impression and effect dear Brother. It seems this because this effect is the path of least resistance.
I liked the question that you pose to yourself and I wish we all use them as a compass 🧭 to direct our paths of thinking to the right direction.
You look for what goes under the surface. Maybe some get stuck to the surface tension as insects walkers walk on water due to this tension and so they may not sink. Unfortunately, bad assumptions do not have this floating force we we sink deep in the waters of our false assumptions.
Thank you for sharing your great insights, dear Alan.