With heartfelt gratitude for Anne O’Brien and her artwork that prompted this prose; for Mark O’Brien, who encouraged us to write after looking at Anne’s art piece. Mark O’Brien is facilitating an amazing class, “Finding Your Voice.” What a joy! And very grateful for my fellow participants: Tom Dietzler, Maribel Cardez, Yvonne A. Jones, and Helen Qiu.
Sweeping Strokes
Here in the dark inky dot places, she can begin to notice lighter hues of blue—like the skies she could see outside of gloomy buildings filled with grumpy people. Out of the inkblots whooshed the uplift of space, a breathing room of clouds, white puffy lighthearted swirling, shapeshifting, dancing in the atmosphere where birds soar free. Wild geese, ducks, herons know when to open their wings.
She lies down to sleep-inhaling, exhaling one, two, three, four hold breath. One, two, three, four, inhale, hold breath repeating this pattern drifting into a dream-filled sleep with both ghosts, goddesses guiding her back to the murky, dark depths of past mud puddle days that seemed to last forever as her heart fell beneath the shallow waters of leaves, autumn leaves of reds, rust and gold flowing on the surface. Underneath the shallows remained nuggets of discovery, of truths unexpressed, yearning to be spoken, of the whys, when, how dare you-s, and what’s wrong with me hurts, haunted wounds, unwilling to dislodge themselves from the sides of a cavernous cave.
Holding to the breath, the depth of soul-wrenching loss of what others claim can be a carefree childhood chasing butterflies, digging in the dirt, getting black soil caught under fingernails from plunging two tiny hands into the layers of crumbled, caked-on dirt where seeds go, where bugs go, where more flat rocks reveal themselves. How deep can she swim in the dark depths searching for a tiny girl body soiled at the evil doings of a tortured being? Take long, sweeping strokes back up to the surface—pull forward the truth of light—that no action done to a tiny body can ever spoil her spirit, her soul of light, the woman, goddess of radiance she becomes in the creamy, delicious places of divine safety, faithful generosity.
Featured image courtesy of Anne O’Brien
Laura,
Stunningly BEAUTIFUL… every word that evoked every feeling that evoked every memory. Just beautiful! #sweepingstrokes
Thank you ever so much, Carolyn. Grateful.
This is hauntingly beautiful Laura. Your openness and creative gifts have no bounds. Thank you for sharing it here.
With a smile,
Darlene
Thank you so much, Darlene. With heartfelt gratitude for your kind words and for you, Laura
What a beautifully painted story Laura.
When recovering from my PTSD sleeplessness, I, too used to count in order to fall to sleep. That part of your story gave me chills. But the good kids. They held a memory, but one that was no longer a presence in my life.
Thank you for writing this and sharing it. <3
Thank you so much for your kind words and reflections, JoAnna. I still sometimes use the counting method as needed during the nights that another piece of something has gotten stirred up to the surface to be seen and released. I appreciate you very much…our over-lapping journeys to freedom! Distinct-yet with much common ground shared. 🙂
I’ve moved onto guided meditations for those nights. I think the counting in and of itself gives me some implicit memory related anxiety.
And the appreciation is mutual. I love reading your journey and talking points out with you. Freedom tastes so good when you have known chaos. I’m glad we can enjoy it together!
“Freedom tastes so good when you have known chaos.” YES!! YES!! YES!! Incredibly grateful for you. I celebrate Us and our earned freedom and greater peace of mind/stability after all the chaos. And if chaos shows up again we’ll know how to navigate it with grace and dignity-like pros!! Hugs to you, JoAnna!
Laura, for a while you walked down the road and I listened to your story. I am touched deeply within my soul. Strong Ink my friend.
Larry, Thank you so very much, my friend.
Dear Laura,
I am speechless. The words, emotion, beautiful flow of intimate descriptions. I just love your writing style. It took me on a journey. Just amazing. It will not be the first time I shall read it. Inspirational, pure delight.
Thank you my friend do much.
Simon
Dear Simon,
Thank you so much for all your kind reflections, uplifting feedback. I am humbled and moved to tears. Thank you.
With gratitude,
Laura
Thank you so much, Tom. I appreciate your meaningful feedback, Your support, encouragement mean the world to me. When I can’t remember what poured forth from “that place” I trust that I must have surrendered to something beyond my inner critic or this ego personality. Grateful for you and the safe space we’ve created together with Mark’s sage and kind guidance.
Laura – hearing you read this brought such power and poignancy to these words. I love what you did here, and these words still echo a couple days later. Thank you for your deep dive into this exercise.