2019 was a year of profound transformation for me. I was regularly seeing a therapist while being truthful and open with her for nine months. I left my abusive marriage, tried (and failed) couples therapy, and obtained a protective order to assist in keeping myself safe. I had purchased my own vehicle. And was on the path to homeownership. Life was not peaceful or calm, but despite the chaos, I could feel the positive energy in the changing direction. I could sense something was happening and the universe as opening itself up to me.
It was October 12, 2019, three days before my thirty-fifth birthday, one day before the full moon, I was driving home from another day in the Norwich Courthouse. And as I drove the sun began to set on the horizon right in front of me. The colors transformed from blue and yellow to coral, orange, and red, creating a stunning end to the day. I was mesmerized, though photos could never capture its beauty.
As I watched the sunset, I reflected on the idea of endings. I thought of part of my life ending that day. I felt a sense of warmth and peace, realizing that the peace I had sought was within reach. I had made missteps in the past, but I was determined to embrace a new direction. I didn’t know then what I knew now.
I was alive, liberated, and in control of my life for the first time. I was going to do all I could with this powerful moment.
I read yung pueblo’s Inward several times that year and found solace in his words about finding inner peace. I could create the peace I was desperately seeking. I didn’t need anyone or anything else to create a sense of love, security, and calm. The sunset reminded me that life is ever-changing, and that’s okay. It didn’t matter that life was in flux. As long as I put one foot in front of the other, I would figure it out. As long as I didn’t give up, I was going to eventually get to a point where I could look at that same sun setting from a different angle. And I’d be grateful for the almost 35-year-old JoAnna and the hits she took to get us here.
While my current life isn’t perfect, I have come to accept life’s imperfections. No matter what happens in a given day or who tries to rattle my core, I can always come back to who I am and what I want in life. I get to define what my life will be and I get to choose who is a part of this adventure.
I was recently at a private yoga session taught by the very same therapist I mention in line one, in the very same office I had those sessions, on a new moon in October of 2024. Before leaving, we chatted a bit and she said something along the lines of, “I wish 2019 JoAnna could meet 2024 JoAnna, she’d be so proud of how far you’ve come.”
And when I drove home that night, to have dinner with a gentleman who’s enhanced my peace and calm, I noticed the sunset and smiled. I was still alive. I was still liberated. And I was beyond grateful for life I curiously chose to pursue. The sun and moon have proven to me that there are cycles in life, lessons to learn, and beauty waiting at every turn.
