Starry Eyed

I read somewhere recently that, when the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planet and love will steer the stars. Because I suspect one is supposed to take those kinds of things without undue scrutiny, I thought it better not to inquire about two things. But I wondered about them nonetheless: First, I wondered if a team of forensic realtors was investigating what might have happened to the moon’s first six houses. Second, I wondered exactly what kind of navigational apps or instruments peace and love might be using to guide the planets and steer the stars.

The second of those curiosities seemed the more important of the two to me. I can’t get myself all that worked up about the moon’s first six houses or what may have happened to them. (Maybe the moon never read The Three Little Pigs.) On the other hand — and I may be the only one who senses this — but things seem to be teetering between wandering and hopelessly lost as of late.

In any case, my stifled curiosity notwithstanding — and despite fact that we’ve just entered September — I also thought this would be an opportune time to present your year-end horoscope. So, without any further folderol:

In October, Mercury will be in retrograde, Pluto will be in centigrade, and Venus will be in seventh grade. This means that if you’ve spent 20 years or more in middle school, you’re probably not going to be getting out any time soon. It also means if you try to give your prospective eighth-grade teacher some baloney about No Child Left Behind (NCLB) or the Every Student Succeeds Act (ESSA), it’s not likely to cut much ice. But don’t worry. Ninth grade wasn’t all it was cracked up to be anyway.

Due to a proliferation of high-moisture solar storms, November is likely to be characterized by juices in Uranus. Accordingly, people of lesser gastrointestinal fortitude will do well to avoid Mexican food in this month. And in the interest of safety (to say nothing of sanitation), it’s probably best to leave the prunes out of the stuffing this Thanksgiving. If you’re tough enough to handle a slice or two of mince pie, God bless you.

Contrary to the claims of a poem that made T.S. Eliot famous, April is not the cruelest month. That would be December. But don’t fret. The ameliorating effects of Saturn aligning with Neptune and directing energy of acceptance and forgiveness toward Earth will make it easier this year to cope with getting stiffed for all the Christmas presents to which you thought you were entitled. If you end up feeling distressed nevertheless, chase two Montezuma’s Revenge tacos with a horse-radish-heavy Bloody Mary and a 16-ounce glass of warm prune juice. You’ll be relieved in no time. (Make sure the nearest bathroom is clear first.)

In Chinese astrology, 2021 will be the year of the Ox, starting from February 12, 2021, and lasting until January 31, 2022. In the United States, it’ll be the year of the Jackass, no matter what happens politically, socially, or culturally.

If we were you, we’d just skip right to 2022 and hope for the best.

See you then.

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Mark O'Brien
Mark O'Brienhttps://obriencg.com/
I’m a business owner. My company — O’Brien Communications Group (OCG) — is a B2B brand-management and marketing-communication firm that helps companies position their brands effectively and persuasively in industries as diverse as: Insurance, Financial Services, Senior Living, Manufacturing, Construction, and Nonprofit. We do our work so well that seven of the companies (brands) we’ve represented have been acquired by other companies. OCG is different because our business model is different. We don’t bill by the hour or the project. We don’t bill by time or materials. We don’t mark anything up. We don’t take media commissions. We pass through every expense incurred on behalf of our clients at net. We scope the work, price the work, put beginning and end dates on our engagements, and charge flat, consistent fees every month for the terms of the engagements. I’m also a writer by calling and an Irish storyteller by nature. In addition to writing posts for my company’s blog, I’m a frequent publisher on LinkedIn and Medium. And I’ve published three books for children, numerous short stories, and other works, all of which are available on Amazon under my full name, Mark Nelson O’Brien.