When dad spanked me and my brother kept leaving me those notes, I decided it was time to get away. Run as fast and as far as I could run, I had a way out for the first time. Away to escape the abuse I had only known most of my young life. My boyfriend Basil was nineteen and would hitchhike all over. I was 16 and in 10th grade. I told my dad I was going shopping with a girlfriend. I had just gotten off grounded. I met my boyfriend at my friend Luanne’s’ house. We took off hitchhiking from there. Back in 1973, it wasn’t as dangerous but still not a good idea.
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Our first ride took us from Waterloo to Batesville, Missouri. It was pouring down rain, and they felt sorry for us. We had no destination in mind, so we rode to Missouri with them. They were going to see their daughter, that lived with her grandma. Her name was Rita, and she was fourteen. They allowed us to stay there for a couple of weeks. I got to know Rita quite well. She had a 2-year-old son. And mature for her age, I thought. She was as short as me, only more rounded, with short light brown hair and big round blue eyes. I went with her to the local laundry mat where everyone knew everyone in that small town. When we left, I mailed a letter to my friend Luanne but did not put a return address on it.
We headed for Mississippi to some relatives of Basils. Later, I found out that she took that letter to my dad! It was post-marked Batesville, Missouri! I’ll be damned if they didn’t go there looking for me. Later they told me they found the house, by asking questions at the laundry mat. But they missed me by a few days. I often wished they had found me in Batesville. Traveling into the unknown with just my boyfriend who I hardly knew really. A friend had set us up on a date and we started seeing each other regularly. I was dependent upon him. We had no money and no food. Often relying on strangers to feed us.
We stayed with an aunt of his in Mississippi for a while! They had a two-room shack with a wood-burning stove and kitchen. I remember her making chocolate gravy over homemade biscuits. I loved it and I had my first taste of grits. I liked mine with sugar on them. I was bashful and didn’t speak much except when spoken to. We told them we were married.
After a couple of weeks, Basil got a job in the woods cutting lumber. It was clear in the boonies and the boss had an old house in the woods he said we could live in. It had bed bugs in the bed and cockroaches running all around. No hot water but it did have cold running water. There was no bathroom, and I would have to go out in the woods to do my duty. The yard was all overgrown with tall grass that had snakes. Baby snakes would run up across the back porch at night. I hated that place with a passion!
I missed my parents and the security of home. I realized I didn’t have it so bad after all.
When Basil worked late his dirty old boss would come around and try to get me to have sex with him. He was around seventy-five then and he kept trying to touch me and made comments about having sex with me. I was able to dodge him, but it wasn’t easy. My only sanctuary was we met a neighbor that lived about a mile away and needed a babysitter. I would watch her child for her and in turn, I had a place to take a bath, watch a T.V., and food to eat. What more could I ask for? It was pure hell in those endless days that were only about three months. I sobbed a lot and missed home. I missed my parents and the security of home. I realized I didn’t have it so bad after all. Dad wasn’t such a tyrant, and I would just have to deal with those dam notes. I pleaded for Basil to take me back home. After a week of pleading, he got tired of hearing me cry and we set out for home. Hitchhiking all the way.
The trip home was uneventful we hitched a ride with a truck driver that took us most of the way. Basil always sat in the middle and let me have the outside by the door. And he carried a long buck knife with him that he knew full well how to use. I didn’t worry too much about hitchhiking with him back then.
Coming Home:
We arrived back in town at my friend’s house the same one I went to when I ran away. Her Mother was home at the time. I was scared to death to go home. I didn’t know what dad would do. Little did I know that Luanne’s Mom called my dad and told him I was there. The next thing I knew someone was knocking at the door. I looked out the window and saw Dad’s truck in the drive. I panicked and said what do I do to her mom. She said, “Go answer the door.” Man, those were a long few minutes to get to that door. I opened it up and in stepped my dad who never looked taller in my life he might as well have been a giraffe as tall as he looked. He looked down at me and said,” your big dummy I didn’t have anyone to watch T.V. “with, and put his arms around me. At which time I bawled my eyes out. He wasn’t going to kill me. I had heard from my friend that he was going to have Basil arrested and put in jail. I was underage, and he was nineteen.
I went home with my father and my mother was at work she was bartending at Friar Tucks in Waverly at the time. She worked late some nights. I hid in the bathroom to surprise her when she came home from work. I thought she would be so incredibly happy to see me. After all, mom was the understanding one. When I heard mom come in the door I came out of the bathroom. She looked at me with disgust in her eyes and angrily said, “Well I was wishing we’d find you half dead in a ditch at least that way we would know where you were at.” My heart thumped and I had a knot in my throat. Torn with confusion about why she was so angry at me. I expected it out of dad but not her. Not her. She blamed me for leaving. I tried so hard to make it up to her. Throughout my Highschool years. But there was still a rift between us. One morning I wrote her a note and told her I was upset about something. I got on the school bus and left to go to school. Next thing I knew she had pulled her car across the highway in front of the bus blocking its way. She got on the bus and had me go home with her. She said, “You’re not going to run away again if I have to sit on you and tie you to your bed I will.” I couldn’t believe she pulled me off the bus like that embarrassing me in front of everyone. I never said I was leaving I had promised I would never put her through that again and I meant it. But she didn’t trust me. I had lost her trust.
On returning home both my parents asked me and Basil if we wanted to get married. I remember sitting on the stairs with him and asking him if he wanted to get married. He said not really, and I didn’t want to either. So, we told my parents no. After all, I left with him more to get away than because I loved him. Oh, sure I had strong feelings for him but looking back now I can honestly say I never loved him. Hell, I didn’t know what love was. My parents allowed him to stay in their basement and look for work. I used to sneak down there to be with him, but my parents knew. They just wanted me safe.
Dad had changed in those 3 months. He wasn’t so angry all the time. He was being nice. But mom had switched roles with him, and she was the angry one. She became the disciplinarian one. And I hurt so much not to be able to tell her the reasons I left home, to begin with. What I was running from. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and tell her it was not my fault. I didn’t feel safe before. It wasn’t fair. But then life wasn’t fair now, was it? My brother stopped leaving the notes upon my return probably because Basil was living in the basement. I didn’t tell Basil about my brother either. Basil and my brother became good friends and Basil would often visit with him in the trailer that he had moved into at my parents’ house. I know they often got high together. I never did. Not until later in life when I turned eighteen and my brother Frank talked me into getting high with him. One-night mom came upstairs to wake me up. She said Basil had left and told Jerry he was leaving. Dad went to look for him because of me. I sat up with mom in those wee hours waiting for dad to come home. He had found Basil and brought him home. However, about 2 weeks later he took off again this time for good. I never saw him again after that. I remember thinking Dad must have loved me to go looking for Basil like that. He didn’t like Basil for taking me away.
