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Shall We Review Our Love Vocabulary?

I need to admit I never really paid attention to our romantic vocabulary and love manifestations so frequently and very similarly described in fairy tales, love books, poetry, songs, the big screen, television series, radio, and recently YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, etc; even in our daily life discussions until a few months ago.

And, since I am a huge believer in “genuine” love (Self, People, and the Universe) and in its limitless power to drive gigantic global changes, I thought of reviewing some “love” expressions I find a bit limiting and aligned with our desperate wish for receiving the attention & care we’re so unable to provide ourselves with in the first place.

Let’s be very clear first! It’s completely legitimate and human to crave for sharing love; otherwise, we would just be robots.

But, here’s the point: there’s a huge difference between “love” and “attachment”. The pre-requisite for true love is “Self-love”.

I know you’re thinking this is so Cliché my goodness 😑 I already love myself; what the hell are you talking about?! Yes, I hear you… Yes, I’m aware of how unpleasant this could be to reflect about self-love. This is such a delicate topic I agree and sympathize!

But, you know what? You’re definitely not alone… We’re all struggling and have always tried to elevate our self-esteem. We’ve all been raised and conditioned not to love ourselves. We’ve all built our shields against our “never enough” invasive culture. Self-love is hard work and is, to me, one of the most beautiful outcomes of a serious self-development journey!

So, here are some expressions to help you spot whether you’re rather attached to your partner and need to start thinking about improving your relationship with yourself:

1. “Falling” in love and s/he is completing me!

Yes, this is probably our sweetest and dearest expression we use to describe our euphoria when meeting this person making us feel so good, joyful and different; as if we were preparing our whole life for this moment of full presence and deep connection; as if the Universe has conspired to make us experience wholeness & fulfilment.

This sounds beautiful, doesn’t it? I used to feel the same way and fantasize about such an amazing concept as well :) But, let’s be very honest here: don’t you think it’s our job to make ourselves whole before even thinking about engaging in a relationship? Don’t you think, deep inside you, we are definitely not meant to be a 50% desperately looking for another 50% to complete us? Don’t you feel like this is exactly what our lack of self-love and our inability to feel our intrinsic worth is making us believe?

I do and love to think we are rather growing, challenging ourselves on a daily basis and becoming better human beings with an emotionally self-sufficient, balanced and loving partner!

2. I am losing my mind and don’t even know why I love her/him!

Well, again this might seem like very romantic and flattering! We may say it to our partner even when we don’t feel it just to make them feel good about themselves. Yeah, you got it; we legitimize lying in the name of love noble intentions :)

I’d argue this could be a healthy sign. I like to believe it should absolutely be pleasant and sweet to truly & genuinely love a person. But, in order for it to be “love” not “attachment”, we need to know exactly why we want this particular person to be a life partner!

3. S/he is the only bright moment of my day!

As much lovely as this expression might sound, it is also a red flag and telling a lot about how much our subconscious program is f*cked up. Obviously, when we’re constantly living (or shall I say surviving) in phase-shift with our deep wishes, then it makes sense to find our time spent with our partner the best part of our day!

But here is the deal: our partner is not the cure. Our partner is definitely not supposed to fix us. Our partner is not meant to entertain us and make us forget, or at least numb, all the crap we’re experiencing. It’s our job to make the best of our day!

We need to value & appreciate our alone-time as much as our time with our partner, and this is only possible when we become self-aware, start reviewing our distorted lens about ourselves and the world, challenging the status quo and gradually becoming free spirits, destroying our shame shields and beginning to love ourselves…

4. I’m so scared of losing him/her

Well, I like to believe “love” and “fear” are the worst enemies and unable to coexist in the same place. Thus, my humble opinion about such a statement is that this is saying more about our insecurities than our love for the partner (which is obviously attachment in this case as well).

Plus, when a person is willing to quit the table and that we’re trying to keep her, we are more likely to get hurt, disappointed and even betrayed; simply because of the partner’s frustration created from feeling kept “prisoner”. We are definitely not doing ourselves a favor!

5. I’m so jealous!

Yeah I know, we probably think this is one of the most evident proofs of love! We even tend to proudly speak about it privately and publicly. I understand… This is what we were told. This is one of the illusions formed in our subconscious program (created by somebody else).

I like to think that in the quality of an emotionally healthy, self-resilient and mature person, we would rather be happy and proud of seeing our partner under the lights, appreciated and desired by other people while they have chosen to be with us and “volunteer” their heart, soul, mind, time and energy in the relationship.

At the end of the day, that’s what we are: volunteers in love! 💙


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Myriam Ben Salem
Myriam Ben Salemhttps://unleashgreatness.blogspot.com/
I am deeply passionate about everything life has to offer. Writing has been my very favorite means to educate my audience, captivate their attention, talk to their emotions, and make them relate and take action. I have been honored by working as a columnist for BIZCATALYST 360°, an Award-Winning life, culture, and biz new media digest, serving as the global hub for enhanced performance and well-being, during 2020. Also, I am a contributing author in Mayhem to Miracles: True Stories of Courage, Triumph, and Peace. I am so in love with writing that I have a peaceful smile drawn on my face whenever I start visualizing the books I will be writing for whoever will be tempted to discover an inclusive philosophy breaking with all the stigmas! I was born in Tunisia, a small country in North Africa. I did pretty much everything earlier than the average: walking, talking, singing, dancing. Promoted throughout my entire education, I was also the leader of every end-of-year party. At some point, after working several years for multinational companies as an engineer, team leader, project coordinator, and product owner while always being a top performer, I figured out I was feeling miserable despite the 'perfect external image'. That marked the starting point of an existential crisis followed by an episode that triggered my re-birth and the beginning of the most rewarding adventure of my whole existence: re-writing my subconscious program and reconnecting with my true self. I was saved at the last moment through an out-of-body experience making me see all the lies, realize this gigantic Universe was not revolving around me. Most importantly, I was able to visualize I was here to leave a legacy like all of you, no matter how big or small! The butterfly took time to emerge though. Today, I identify myself as a Universal Citizen. Like-minded and light-hearted people are what I call home. I am deeply passionate about everything life has to offer, and was granted the edutainer qualifier: a combination between education and entertainment! I educate on the importance of healing unsuspected traumas, seeing our limiting beliefs and biases with honest lenses, finding one's purpose and a principled mission that goes beyond the self, and unleashing the hidden potential so that to leave our legacy for the generations unborn. I have been using a panoply of means that could vary from explicit ones such as mentorship, speaking, and writing, a skill that emerged naturally during my self-actualization process to implicit mediums like storytelling, how I daily show up in the world and model servant leadership! Writing is my very favorite and most preferred tool deployed for my mission. The topics I explore are in the nexus of stoic philosophy, psychology, neuroplasticity, epigenetics, and pretty much any topic involving human behavior. Common denominator? The quality of the subconscious program. You may have a look at some of my works published on my website; Set Yourself Free.

20 CONVERSATIONS

  1. Welcome to Bizcatalyst Myriam! You will find it to be a most welcoming community. Also, I enjoyed your article. Self-love is imperative to attract loving people. If we do not, what should we expect from others?💖

  2. Interesting My wife of many many years is not just the love of my life she is my best friend, my lover, my heart and soul, my reason for being, my partner is all of life…She creates the balance I need, she is my all..and without her I would be lost in abyss.

  3. An effective essay that calls to question those limiting beliefs about love, Myriam! Thank you for highlighting each one as there’s much suffering for people around each of these. What a strange dance we enter from the moment we are born. Usually something or a number of things take place that hinder or negatively impact the flourishing of Love inside a human being-sometimes at each and every stage of childhood development. If the essential emotional needs of children are not met by the adults or caregivers in their lives during each of these stages, these children likely become the “not enough.” adults struggling to become grown-up, self-actualized humans. Each experience continues to point in the direction of the deep inner work that must happen with the support of other human beings who have cultivated the ability (for at least some portion of time) to hold up a mirror of unconditional love, care, acceptance until each one of us can do this for ourselves-like healthy emotional regulation. (Which many adults still haven’t found as they feel terrified about their survival-and keep playing out flight, fight, freeze modes.)

    For some of us the ride can be quite tricky to find inner wholeness, deep acceptance, an enduring sense of value on the inside –from the quiet witness rather than all the younger yearning ones. The struggle to become whole and healthy-to recognize -heart, mind, body, and soul that we ARE love sometimes takes a lifetime of tug-of-war with all those “limiting beliefs” and actual heartbreaking experiences of betrayal, rejection, abandonment, and loss. We’re hard-wired for connection, but the process of creating “healthy connections” can be quite a journey.

    Thank you for the thoughtful article that had me reflecting here in these comments!

    Welcome to BizCatalyst360!!

    • Goodness what a mesmerizing adding dear Laura! It definitely required all my attention! I’m so grateful for the added value! You couldn’t have said it better 🤩

      That’s specifically why one of my essential life mission is to raise the global awareness around having kids and parenting when we are ready for it: at least on the path of unbecoming the filter and reinventing ourselves from within through re-writing our distorted program full of mental patterns, emotional scars and numerous shields against this profound shame of never feeling good enough…

      If we are not able of taking care of ourselves, there is no chance to effectively take care of a small creature who didn’t even ask for being here in the first place. Having kids is one of the most selfish decisions we human beings can take. We love the oxytocin sensation of the illusional unconditional love.

      Why illusional? Well simply because all what we do afterwards — starting from the belly since the baby receives the mother’s hormones and specifically the cortisol with her blood; that’s the reason why many come to life anxious and silent — is to condition our love and write an invasive subconscious program numbing all the gifts granted by the creator at the “conception” and most importantly our original center — the universal correct principles — which will be replaced by several distorted ones…

      Why am I saying being at least a work in progress? Because, in such a case, we are already making use of our incredible human endowment known as “self-awareness” and that we will be quick to apologize sincerely to our 3-year-old kid when screwing things up!

      Of course, I am not blaming the world’s parents. I’m not even blaming mine. It doesn’t make much sense to blame a person for something they ignore! I would be stupid 😁 All what I’m trying to say is that we need to start being aware of our big responsibility towards the “humanity” when we think of having children!

      I used to be always asked this question btw: When are you planning to have kids? To which I usually answer:

      When I will find the emotionally resilient and principle-centered life partner who would help me give to the world the future balanced adults who would uplift it instead of adding more crap… Or when I can afford to adopt some kids and raise them as a single mom as well!

      Btw I tried to review the “wholeness” concept in my answer to Laurie Hill if interested! Thanks again for stopping by Laura and stay blessed 💙

  4. I totally agree with you Myriam. You’ve said a lot very clearly.
    I believe we have to be complete in order to be resilient; to be a person who knows what they believe and knows what they’re doing and what they want and don’t want.
    Relationships today are so often sought for getting something rather than for being with someone you truly like and admire.

    • Thaaaanks dear Laurie! So glad it resonated! I might have used the word “whole” without this being that accurate in the context! Let me give a try to explain myself ☺️

      Being self-resilient doesn’t mean whole. It only means being emotionally interdepent: we are aware of our intrinsic worth, but we also admit our need for sharing genuine love!

      Wholeness is a complete different story though! It not only needs that we move back to our “Principles” original center, but that we start developing our four dimensions/intelligences:

      ♡ The Intellectual one through being humble enough to continuously unlearn and learn again; giving thus birth to our vision! This part also depends on how much others are willing to use our minds creatively, which is a human basic need!

      ♡ The Physical one whose manifestation is our discipline: committing to eating healthy, having enough rest, exercising and resisting all the possible temptations and quick fixes we know are not good for us. This also includes being paid fairly for our contributions, so that we could live decently and give back to the world more and more!

      ♡ The Emotional one: the foundation of our passion and ability of building trust & healthy relationships when the other party is also emotionally mature!

      ♡ The Spiritual and most important one fueled by our “principles” center, and which is giving us our direction in any endeavor. This is the only one which does not depend on “others”. It is exclusively guided by our conscience. That’s specifically why it is the intelligence form defining whether a person who has already developed the three other forms is actually a leader! How come? Take Hitler as an example. He had such a big vision. He was so disciplined and passionate. But he was so ego-driven and immoral that the only thing accessible to him was crearing chaos instead of what a servant leader is able of doing: driving a change which would uplift the world 💙

DAILY INSPIRATION. DELIVERED.